Can this be grounds to keep her from seeing DS?
Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin
I don't know about where you live and how family law works, but in our state/papers, there is a section where "no OP is to interfere with formerly M couple or children of M couple or there will be legal ramifications."
I'm sure STBXH tells OW in his case every little time I blink, so I work very hard at NC, even if I suffer withdrawal.
It could be grounds for at least a legal letter with a warning or something, but the rules and laws seem so much to work from state to state that it may be worth checking with a D/family lawyer?
What I've been told is that some of the only ways to keep a child permanently from an OP is safety things and they have to be pretty awful, like sex offender type things, but don't quote me!
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
My mother is freaking out about this and trying to say I don't care about my child if I don't demand that he be kept away from the OW. I feel like thats a fight I will lose because whats she's done isn't bad enough and I don't have the energy for it. So now I'm a bad mom.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you maintaining contact with his family if only for the purpose of fostering a healthy relationship between them and your kids. You're entitled to have your own relationships with people, regardless of whomever they're related to. And feel free to tell them as much.
That being said, it would be in VERY poor form to use those relationships to try and damage his relationship with them or to malign the new relationship in the family's eyes. Let them come to their own conclusions and just try and present yourself in the best and most honorable light possible.
They're likely fearful of you pumping his family full of "stories" (i.e., the truth) and trying to turn them against the couple. You're a loose end in their carefully constructed reality and loose ends are often liabilities.
I don't think their accusations warrant a response. You know you're not doing anything wrong. Let them throw their tantrums. The family will know what your motivation is by how you conduct yourself around them and during communication. Just keep things about you and the kids and pretend X and OW don't exist. Then, when X and OW bitch and moan about you the family can say, "gee, we don't know what you're talking about. She never talks about you and is perfectly pleasant."
My mother is still mad at me. She is impossible. I got mad at her last night and told her she is mean because she was mad at me about not declaring in mediation that my son not be around this woman, and nothing I said was right, she just wanted to tear me down. SHE is the reason I got with an asshole cheater. She taught me that I am responsible for other people's emotions. Namely hers. I cannot deal with her.
You can't control him. I think you realize that. Unfortunately your mother doesn't.
I think you are doing a great job of picking your battles... and letting go of the battles that will not make a difference.
Hugs, I know it can be difficult dealing with a headstrong mom in this situation.. my mom was the same way. It made things so much harder on me. I hope you can get away from her for a while to think and relax.
My mum was also full of crazy arse ideas and plans and sat there judging me.
50/50 is the norm these days - she doesn't understand that.
The courts don't tell people who they can have their kids around (I've heard here that they will in some countries/states but only until D is final.
Unless the OP is a danger to your child - even then it seems very very difficult to prove.
Unfortunately D solves the shit husband problem but not the shit father problem. The legal system is heaving under cases of life threatening child abuse cases - they don't give a shit about feelings or matters of integrity and common decency. It would be an impossible task anyway.
Do not communicate with her at all. If she keeps contacting you then you get an order against her. She can say WTF-ever she wants. She can't file a restraining order for you contacting a family you used to be a part of (that she is not actually a part of!).
("Current gf" as he called her in mediation, that was funny.)