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User Topic: Am I being way too sensitive? Weight-related
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So a few months ago, I was doing My Fitness Pal online, and had gotten back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I stopped during some crazy busy times when we had our house on the market and had lots of showings, then trying to pack and move. I ended up gaining about ten pounds back. I have fluctuated a lot since my daughter was born - I went on the infidelity diet twice and got skinny, only to gain it back when things calm down. I don't think I'm BIG - I'm 5'7" and wear a size ten pant - but I don't feel great about the way I look.

Anyway, backstory. I exercise regularly but I realized that I'm going to have to get my diet under control if I'm actually going to meet my goal. So I was chatting with a coworker in the breakroom a couple of weeks ago and mentioned that I am going to go back on MFP. Now, this lady is about 60, very petite (MAYBE five feet tall), and weighs probably 105-110 soaking wet. Small woman. So she asked me what MFP was and I explained (it's an online calorie tracker). She told me that she doesn't believe in things like that that tell you how much you should eat. She said, "For instance, take you - you're big-boned, you would need more calories."

Well, truth is - I'm NOT big-boned. I have a medium-sized frame. If I APPEAR to be big-boned, it's because I've gained weight. Not because my bones are big.

I know she didn't mean to be hurtful, and she's a nice lady, but I almost just can't even talk to her now. It's not because I'm mad. It's just because every time I see her, I wonder if she's thinking that I'm this big corn-fed hulk of a woman, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I have body issues anyway, and just seeing her makes me feel huge and ugly now.

I think I'm being ridiculous. I don't know how to get over it other than to just lose weight.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a matter of perspective. She's tiny, so anybody else would look bigger to her. Hell, I'm a size 18/20, so she'd feel like harpooning me if she ever saw me On the other hand, if I look at you I'm going to think you are small or medium framed. I wouldn't think "big boned" at all.

Don't let what anybody else says make you feel negatively about yourself. You are beautiful, inside and out, and that's all that matters.


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Edith
♀ Member
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Jana,

I've seen pictures of you. You are beautiful inside and out!!

E.


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2013
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ladies. I promise I wasn't fishing for compliments but I appreciate it. I have been avoiding walking out in the lobby when I hear her out there - really! like a child! I have got to just get over this nonsense.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, she made a stupid, thoughtless comment, and I would avoid her because she's a twit rather than the actual comment. JMO


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20221 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I told my H what she said, he said, "That's stupid, who says that? Hey, I gotta big bone for ya."


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a different perspective- I am big- boned. Sometimes ppl (my mother) tells me that. It makes me feel like I know, right? Why do I keep trying so hard?!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's


Posts: 5045 | Registered: Dec 2010
aLadypilot
♀ Member
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds to me that she was more commenting on your height. Maybe? It does not sound like you are much overweight, if at all.


Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4081 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, I gotta big bone for ya

Ahhhh the sensitivities of guys....

It sounds like she was trying to tell you not to worry about your weight but did so in a really clumsy way.

People without weight issues really have no idea how hurtful some comments might be!

[This message edited by InnerLight at 9:02 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5833 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a dumb comment, but it also sounds like a generational thing. I can totally picture an older woman saying "big boned" to mean that you're tall and not meant to weigh 100 lbs. I think she was trying to be nice and tell you that you don't need to lose weight, but it came out sounding dopey.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 9:13 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't think she meant to be hurtful. I do think it was a misguided attempt to be nice.

And my H's comment cracked me up because we are both at the mental age of 14.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Jana don't take it personally she is obviously an Elf. Elf's don't understand what it takes for us normal sized women to keep our weight at a healthy range in this society. Try to laugh it off, cause she clearly doesn't understand. Now if she was a liscenced trainer, dietician, and Weight Watchers coach, I would be offended, but she isn't so thibbbit to her.

I have found since having the kids weight is even more of a challenge, and since I've turned 40, even more of a challenge. My mom tells me that it gets worse, when the estrogen is all gone. I can't flipping wait.

Keep up the good work. I do a lot of health coaching in my current job, and lots of folks are successful using MFP. So keep up the good work, stick to it, and remember, you didn't gain the weight overnight, it happened over a period of time, so expect it to come off over a period of time too.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she is obviously an Elf.
ROFLMAO!

Yes, she is an elf!

What the hell does 'big-boned' mean anyway? I don't really even know.

I understand short, medium, and tall frames.

Aren't all adult bones all about the same size? (Unless someone has a bone disease or something).

Jana, I think she was an elf, and comparatively speaking, I guess anyone larger than she was, she considered 'big'.

I've had people tell me that I am tall. and I don't understand it because I have never considered 5'6" to be tall. So I guess people just think anyone taller than they are to be 'tall' or 'big-boned', I guess.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7057 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took it to mean frame size. There are small, medium, and large-framed people, and that's different from height. I'm medium height, medium frame. My neice is about the same height as me, but genuintely big-boned - her wrists are bigger than mine, her hands are bigger than mine, her feet are bigger, shoulders broader. ETA - lest I sound like I'm talking badly about her, she's also a gorgeous blue-eyed blonde with a gloriously curvy figure. Just a larger frame/bones.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 2:52 PM, July 9th (Tuesday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 5'9 and have some weight to lose (okay more than some..he he) but I am quite athletic. I run, I swim I do martial arts. Needless to say I get frustrated about how hard it is for me to lose weight when I eat well and work out.

Anyway. One time this guy told me I was built like a brick shithouse. I was depressed and horrified for weeks until my mother (who thought this was hillarious) told me it was actually a compliment.

Don't be sad, she didn't mean it in a mean way, it just came out sounding that way. I bet you look amazing.

[This message edited by ninebark at 6:28 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One time this guy told me I was built like a brick shithouse.

She's a brick . . . HOUSE! She's mighty mighty, lettin' it all hang out!

I'm not sure why brick shithouse is a compliment, but it is. Weird!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Complimentary expression for a well endowed women that is "stacked" like M. Monroe.

definition from the urban dictionary.

Many people compliment in weird ways that are hard to interpret without such a dictionary!

[This message edited by InnerLight at 4:44 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5833 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
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