Because of snooping I found out what he says about me behind my back. It's very upsetting to me because I know it's all lies and that he's just a master at playing the victim and turning it all around that he did nothing wrong.
Today I check on his Twitter again and he told his friend that he's getting ready to leave for work and having "separation anxiety." His friend asks "from who, wifey?" (because I love being called "wifey") my husband responds with "Hell no...she could care less."
This pissed me off. Let's see why I could care less, shall we? Could it be because of the way he treats me and the kids? No, it can't be that because "he does everything around here and we don't appreciate him." Could it be that he ignores me and still keeps his secrets and lies? No, it can't be that because he's an adult and he doesn't need to "check-in." Could it be because of his cheating? No, it can't be that either because "it's not as bad as what other people have done" and "he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong."
He's just turning this all around on me again.
So, my question. Should I stop snooping? I know for a fact my marriage is over so there's no real point in it that I can see. I doubt I could use any of it in a divorce anyway. I only continue to look because I feel that while we are still together I should know what is going on under my roof. Unfortunately, by my continued snooping it only hurts me to read what he's saying. Logically I know I should stop because then I won't hurt, or at least I won't hurt as much.
Because of my snooping I've learned that he's dropped $500 on the new Xbox that comes out in Nov instead of repairing my car. He spends money on servers for his video games. I've learned all the lies he's said about me. There's more, I just don't remember it all right now.
I don't know anymore. I guess I'm just trying to apply logic to an illogical situation.
*ETA - He says I could care less. Well, in response to that comment, I asked him through sobbing tears if he cared about me and he said "I don't know, I haven't thought about it." So why should I care? Why should I be the only one working on the marriage?
[This message edited by simplydevastated at 10:48 AM, July 8th (Monday)]
D-Day June 12th 2008, D-Day #2 Sept 28th
D-Day #3 Feb 15th & 16th 2010, D-Day #4 Nov 29th 2010
You're right, I am torturing myself.
[This message edited by simplydevastated at 10:50 AM, July 8th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
As of now we haven't had the divorce talk. It's just something that I know in my heart I want.
As far as finances, they aren't joint. We never had joint accounts with the exception of one checking for rent and utilities and we had a couple joint credit cards. Those are all closed. He uses the joint checking and I don't have access to it. I know, I know...
.but keep an eye on him for your protection.
^^This has been my way of thinking and why I've keep watch for so long. But I don't think I can use any of it anyway. I'm not sure.
(I'd keep snooping for financial info, if I were in your shoes.)
Back away. 180. Everytime you engage, you are inviting him to hurt you. You know how it stops.
I don't understand why you couldn't file and get a temporary spousal support order if he has all the funds.
How is it 'joint checking' if you don't have access to it?
It's joint as in it has my name on it.
Rebreather, I keep checking because I feel I need to know what is going on under my roof. If I didn't I wouldn't know that he spent $500 on an Xbox instead of repairing my car. It's not like he would tell me anything. He doesn't. So I feel I have to find out for myself. If I confront him then he'll know I have access and he'll change all his passwords then I'll know nothing.
I know it would be hard, but if you are in the states, most states offer extra help for women and your kids. Doing research into what the programs are doesn't mean you have to use them. It would just be extra knowlege you know?
I would personally keep snooping, that way I would know what is going on. I know it hurts, but work on the 180 and keep up with what he is doing so when the time comes, maybe filing will be easier?
Do you have any friends you can spend time with that can be your emotional support in the meantime? Even a women's group.
Keep looking for that job, my thoughts are with you. Visualize that exit and take it. A new and better life awaits you simplydevastated
Keeping an eye on financials is a completely different story; you need to focus on this; if you are on the accounts, you need to have access-period. Do not let him bully you; do it as soon as possible. He sees you as a pushover; disabuse him of that notion right now!
You can do this, sd; I have faith in you.
MystiKay, Yes I have a car it just needs a lot of repairs (shocks, oil leak fixed, brakes) I drive it locally, not on highways in case anything happens. I don't want to be traveling at high speeds. He did give me a debit card a while ago but because of his budgeting skills we were receiving several over the limit notices so I still couldn't use it. Now all statements and notices go to him electronically.
Yes I'm in the states. I looked into welfare and the amount the afford I was eligible for wouldn't cover rent. I don't think I can get anything while I'm married.
crazyblindsided, I'm already there. The last time we had sex was 3 yrs ago. I have one friend and she had so many medical issues that I don't to add to anything. She was almost hospitalized this weekend
Thank you. I keep looking every day
Ostrich80, that is my plan. Unfortunately, Twitter is where I get the other information as well as his two email accounts. Twitter is how I found out about the xbox purchase and the gaming server. I can't access his Skype account or his laptop.