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User Topic: fml
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 2:26 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I looked at his phone lock screen. He has an app called kik. I don't have PW to his phone anymore. KIK is a free text message program for android that doesn't record on bill. We have unlimited messages on our plan and I haven't checked the bill in a long time. Why would he need this unless hiding something. I found out about EA through his phone messages. FML....


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
Duffy1958
♀ Member
Member # 39755
Angry  Posted: 2:57 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know babe, I just know it is too wearisome to check up on someone who wants to hide things.

What is the point of having a spouse or significant other if you can't trust them?

If he's hiding something, there is a reason. It can't be good. It sounds like you haven't ask him about it yet. That may be wise. Maybe you need to lay low & see.

Best wishes for you!


Me-SAHW soon 55
Him-asshat age 60
Married 3.5 years together 13.5
Step-children 8 altogether Grandchildren.
Cheaters are the same yesterday, today & forever. They may have different caveats but they lie the same & pull the same shit.

Where i


Posts: 114 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I looked it up online. You can download it and sign in from any phone. So I tried it using his email address. The only email I've known him to have for years and it said there's no such email in their system. So I can only assume secret email too. I can never sit on anything. I'm going to ask him why he has a messenger on his phone. I just made a post in ICR about this feeling of something being off. Trust your gut right? Seriously fml, every time I start to feel a little normal. My heart hurts again. I know we fight and I vent a lot but my heart hasn't felt this stabbing pain since dday. Pray I make it through this day sane no matter the outcome.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Argh he's snoring next to me in bed and I haven't slept a wink. Hes been upbeat and relaxed lately fuck fuck fuck fuck. I was hoping wishing gut was wrong. Do I confront? Do I wait? Fuck!!! I'm sorry but that's the only word repeating through my head right now. Fuck.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Unagie,
Granted, I've not read many of your posts in the past, but I did just read your profile. Is this the same BF you've been with all along? I'm assuming he is.

It sounds to me like you have been very remorseful in regards to your infidelity, but it seems that your BF has seized this opportunity to retaliate by cheating on you. That's not how it's supposed to work. As much as we BS may initially want to have a revenge A, (and I have come very very close), it just can't happen. But if does happen, and continues to happen, I see the relationship as doomed.

Sadly, I see nothing but heartache in your future if you stay with this guy. I am so so sorry.

(And I know you younguns hate it when we old farts tell y'all to cut and run, but I simply can't stand to see beautiful young lives wasted on unhappiness.). Sorry.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Unagie)))))))

I don't think he will be honest with you when you confront. Is there a way you can lay low and maybe SEE some of the messages from the KIK app?

I just don't want to see you hurting AND gaslighted/TT'd again.


Posts: 3383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hand him his phone and calmly tell him to unlock it.

Open the app and check the settings for what email he's using on it.

Go to that e-mail and calmly tell him to log into it.

If he answers no to either of those requests, hand him theh suitcase you had pre-packed and kick his sorry ass out the door.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 636 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH had kik for a brief while. I actually only found it awhile after he had deleted it (it was in his download history). Anyway, he plays online poker on his phone. You get bonus cash/coins/whatever to try new apps and products. I know Kik does this kind of bottom-feeding promo. I don't think he was carrying on an A via Kik, but there is no more poker in our house anyway.

Anyway, you can see a list of people he recently had a conversation with from the app. At least I saw the one person WH spoke with. The thing with Kik is, though, as far as I understand - conversations aren't saved.

I asked about Kik in the tips forum and no one knew much about it.

Kik can also be used on other phones, FYI.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Unagie))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25316 | Registered: Aug 2011
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there's any way to get in and see the text messages, I would wait and gather more info.
If you can't, I would take Twitchy's approach.

(((Unagie)))


DDay Feb. 28, 2013
5 year long EA (still believe PA), webcam girls, contacting hookers
Preparing for D

Posts: 712 | Registered: Mar 2013
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him why he had it, he said he wanted to see what it was. I asked why he would need an anonymous messenger and got told he wanted an alternative to google talk that didn't use his gmail address. I nodded and dropped it. I can't force this. I refuse to. I'm in gather mode, my gut is screaming.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2736 | Registered: Oct 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you ask him what email address he used when he signed up for it?

Honey..you have been remorseful..above and beyond..you have done alot of work on yourself...your WS has been shifty and unremorseful...you KNOW what a WS should look like if they are remorseful(look in the mirror)..and you know he isn't one.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HopeFloats2272
♀ New Member
Member # 39264
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cringed when I saw the word "kik."

A girlfriend of mine was a WS (she didn't tell me about it until after her affair was over.) She told me that during her affair she and her AP would download the Kik app while at work or any time away from their spouses so they could text each other then delete the app while at home (so the spouse wouldn't see the app if they searched through the phone.) I don't know if it saves the history but I do know the app is compatable with different phones.

Listen to your gut...not him! (I keep telling myself the same thing : )


BS- 40, WH 38
Married 13yrs, 2 Sweet Boys-5 & 9
DD#1: 1/10/12- 6mo EA
DD#2: 8/23/12-revealed 1PA, 2ONS in 2010 and 1EA/PA in 2004
DD#3: 9/10/12- ONS w/friend in 2010
Lots of other crap and TT - basically I was married to a guy that forgot he was

Posts: 38 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Maryland
iggyD
♀ Member
Member # 36171
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you addicted to this drama?

I've read a lot of your threads and read advice that you give others, and I dare say that you'd tell someone else to run in a heartbeat if they were putting up with even half of what you're putting up with. Many keep telling you that what he's doing is wrong and that your A was probably a dealbreaker. Yet YOU continue down this path. Why is it that you will not follow the advice that you give others?

He is done. You can't make him not be done, nice him to not be done, wait him out, whatever it is that you're trying to do. Right now, he is done.

So the issue isn't your version of "FML", it is what am I going to do now For My Life? Without him.

Focus.On.That.

Edited for typos.

[This message edited by iggyD at 11:33 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]


2012 was a bitch...but I'm hopeful about 2013.

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2012
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with iggy.... Time to kick him to the curb. Take the same advice you give to others.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 10:26 AM, July 9th (Tuesday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 638 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
misskirby
♀ Member
Member # 34594
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Iggy said was gold. Read it again and again. I know it's scary and I know you carry guilt and I know you want it to work, but it's not. Giving up something that has been such a huge part of your life for many years is hard, but wouldn't you rather be happy? Don't you want to live without feeling like this?


Me-BS, Late 20's
Him-WH, Late 20's
M 9 years, together 14
DS and DD
D-Day 1/16/12

"Long is the way And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light" -John Milton, Paradise Lost


Posts: 212 | Registered: Jan 2012
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe he's not done, but it sounds like you should be.

You cheated, but you're healing yourself. Your 'penance' is just to make amends to the person you hurt (done) and to be a good partner for the rest of your life.

Subjecting yourself to being mistreated - there's no need to keep punishing yourself. I don't know if that's what you're doing, but ....

You're a good partner now, and you deserve a good partner for yourself, but (even) being alone is better than being abused.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10075 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 17

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