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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Average time on O L D?
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking yesterday...I've been on/off OLD for a year now. I'll go on a few weeks, go on maybe a date or two, then become sick of it and pull off for a month.

Then I thought that a year sounds like a long time to not have had a successful dating experience.

I don't think I'm 100% sold on dating. I rarely accept dates, and the last couple of guys have asked me out, I've accepted, and then something "happens" and the dates don't come to fruition. I wonder if I were more serious about dating if I would accept every date that is asked.

How long have you guys been on OLD? How many dates/chatting before you find someone and enter a relationship?

I'm not too worried about it. I have a new mantra..

"If the train doesn't stop at your station, then it isn't your train."

My train hasn't come along yet

Just curious.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was on for 3 months the first time, met G. Then a bit after that ended, I was on for another 4 months maybe? before I got too busy with school to bother and took down my profile. Haven't looked back.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was on line for a year. I went on a lot of dates. Only a few more than once.

I'm generally not too impressed with the men who are on line and in my age group (54 +). I think there are some really nice and well adjusted men, but they aren't the majority.

I finally got tired of it. It's just not worth all the craziness and the time spent on situations that lead no where. It felt like looking for a needle in a haystack. As Sweet Brown says, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" Or at least, I don't. I'd rather be knitting or gardening or spending more time resting.

[This message edited by hurtinky at 1:11 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was on for about a year, in two radically different geographical locations. It's shocking to me what a difference location makes in the dating pool.

I didn't go on many dates because I didn't find many I actually wanted to meet. But I always had 1 prospect. One guy I was talking to for a few weeks trying to suss out if I wanted to meet him. Only twice did I ever want to meet them, and the second time is the guy I'm dating now.

I mostly used it to practice flirting, to figure out how to get to know guys again and be open, rather than thinking I'd actually meet anyone on it.

Which makes it all the more amusing to me that I did. The guy I'm dating now is not someone who would have entered my orbit without OLD. There's no way our paths would have EVER crossed.

We both took down our profiles immediately. And honestly, if this goes belly up on me, I won't return to OLD. It's too much work for too little return and makes me jaded which I don't like to be.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3126 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 months the first time, met SO... We broke up.. No dating for a while then...3 months again of OLD then got back w SO. I enjoyed the adventure of OLD. Met some nice men, a few fools, but all people I would not have met otherwise. Kept expectations low and curiosity high, and thought of it all as communications consciousness raising.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5872 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then I thought that a year sounds like a long time to not have had a successful dating experience.
I have kind of stopped keeping track! but I think it is coming up on 2 years for me. Sounds like I may be on the far end of the continuum of the "average" and I haven't had long term success either. I don't accept a request to communicate if I don't think I have something in common with the requester and I do agree to meet with most of the men I've talked to for a little bit who still seem interesting. I know pretty early on in a face to face meeting whether I will click with someone. I'm picky though, so second dates are rare, and third dates are rarer still. And there seems to be about a 50/50 split with whether I want to see them again or if they want to see me again. I'm still hopeful that I will find the someone I want to have a long term relationship with though. Cockeyed optimist, that's me

I like your new mantra cmego! I think I will borrow it!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3216 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had 3 goes.

Try 1... 1 week... Went on a date and we were together 3 months. He then moved back to the USA due to family reasons.

Try 2 (2012) 3 weeks... Dated him for a few months last summer. Stayed friends...

Try 3 (2013)... Joined the 1.1.13, first message SO on 1.15.13 first date with SO 1.31.13 - Took my profile down a few days later on 2.5.13...(as I am not comfortable with multi-dating)

Hopefully this will be third time lucky ...... But if not then yes I would
Not rule out trying OLD again


Try


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Less than 2 weeks and I met SO. I was communicating with 3 or 4 men at the time, but he held my interest from the very first email.

I don't multi-date so we both closed our accounts and have focused on each other since March. We fell in love! But I just recently developed doubts regarding marrying him when he's super sure....but he's going to slow it down and we shall see. (Yes, I know, who is thinking of marriage at this early stage?! He is. One day in the far future, but when you date, ultimately you are looking for a mate. )

Anyway...if it doesn't work out, I will be taking a long break before OLD again (because of how strong I feel about him it will take time to heal.)

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 6:07 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Marley76
♀ New Member
Member # 39506
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I OLD. I always did when I was single. I feel weird cause I'm not on there looking for a relationship. Just got out of that and could not imagine tying myself to anyone but my kids and job right now. Met lots of cool people though. Right now for me at least it's just fun to hang out..nothing serious. I've had too much serious LOL!


Me: BSO 37yrs old
Him: Old enough to know better.
3 years -raising my 2 daughters and his son
Dday#1 6/7/13 Dday#2 6/9/13
R: not a chance
The further she walked, the stronger her stride became and the louder her broken heart sang. -anonymous.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jun 2013
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cayc, I am just curious, not for me but for a friend who is mainly doing OLD with regards to the difference in location? What did you observe?


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@fraeuken.

Originally, I was in the Wash DC greater metro area. Most men were extremely well-educated, go getters, in my age range they all had kids, there were some DC-famous faces (reporters, lawyers) and they owned it. Such resume-quality folks meant that there was no need to browse far and wide. I could literally stick to my zip code if I wanted to find eligible men (not saying men I wanted but men who "met the so-called objective criteria of datable" as it were). I'm not saying that was better. Those DC-based resume guys were so full of themselves that I don't think they had room in the relationship with their own ego for another person. Just objectively different from my second locale.

In my second locale, the majority of men hadn't graduated high school, had been married multiple times, and had scads of children with multiple women. Lots of gang tattoos, mirror pictures and other juvenile ridiculousness by men who should be old enough to know better. More frauds too (that would be you Mr. I'm on an undercover assignment lol). But, it meant that everyone was shopping from a greater distance away. That meant that I heard from people who were hours drives away, so in that sense, I didn't feel like I was missing out, there were still plenty of eligible guys, they just didn't live close by.

OLD is such a crapshoot. I think if you come up with lots of deal-breaker variables (e.g. he has to have a PhD, be a leader in his field, super fit, or for guys she has to be beautiful and thin etc) that are Hollywood movie romance in nature, you're going to have a tough time.

But if otoh you are looking for kindness, good hearts, and someone who say prefers whisky based drinks over beer lol, why then OLD can hold promise for you.

[This message edited by cayc at 3:32 PM, July 9th, 2013 (Tuesday)]


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3126 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Topic Posts: 11

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