wannarun, to think of all you went through and have done with no appreciation -- it angers me to think about it. That he could show no appreciation for you and yet give so much time and thought to a stranger says a lot about his character.
It also sounds like he deliberately angered you when he asked your opinion until you gave it. His motive? To send her flowers himself without your name attached. (Even though he's trying to make it look like he wanted you involved). Yes, I would certainly make myself known to the staff at the hospital.
but I get the impression he is using his father's illness to set up another A
I'm sorry, but I agree with the above.
If your WH often finds ways to show appreciation to the opposite sex or finds ways of helping a woman when she's down or just wants to "make her smile," he is a KISA. I was married to one for 14 years. They say they just want to make others happy. "I'm a giver" is their motto. When I wanted to be his partner in that, however, he voiced loud objections! Red, red flag! I knew then. The truth is, their motive is a potential affair. I was blind to this for a long time because my ex would also help men. Little did I know that while he was helping a man, he had his eye on that man's wife!
On the other hand, it could merely be that he needs to learn boundaries. Have the two of you read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass? It helps tremendously to get such men to understand boundaries, what they are, why they're so very important, and how to maintain them. The book is only 10 bucks at Books a Million. Or get it from the local library and make copies of the most important pages. It's so worth reading!
Hugs to you, and Happy Birthday.
PS - I would refuse to do anything more until he shows a mountain of appreciation and recognizes what a jerk he has been. Otherwise, you'll never get any respect from him.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M