Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: blackluca (44314)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I don't know answers
mainlyinpain
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get these a lot, rapid-fire sometimes, one right after the other. He sure doesn't know a lot of things, even though they are about himself. Obviously, they are avoidance answers, but not really avoiding, because the questions are going to keep being asked, amillion times to get the answers. That's what I don't understand. Why don't they look forward and see for themselves that they are going to hear that question again and again and again and that any relief they feel from IDK is sooo temporary and by the way painful and frustrating to us BSs. Can someone really live so in the moment all the time? How do you get them to change this dynamic? Why isn't learned behavior working when they hear the same question again and again?
He says, if I don't know the answer I don't want to lie so I say I don't know. (sometimes even before I am done asking the question so....)

I think about myself if I don't know an answer someone asks me.
I think, and if I do say IDK but I still want to be helpful, I tell them all the ancillary info that I DO know....well I don't know the answer for sure but...I remember this happend right before or I know I felt this at the time or ....this happened at another time that is similar ....you get the drift...

What do you do? Keep pounding your head against a wall? I tell him that is what it feels like....trying to move forward and being slammed down with a wall right in front of your path, no detour, no door, no side gate, no new path proposed.

Too hard.


DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Midwest
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 3 years of "I don't know/remember" answers to my questions, and another huge lie, I have come to the realization that I don't need him to confirm what I already know. My gut,my common sense,they will answer all of those "I don't know" questions.

I don't need a liar to tell me what I already know.

I've heard I dont know for 3 damn years. It's a mind fuck. It's cruel.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7153 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get "I don't know" and "I can't remember" too. For a very long time WH supposedly tried to protect me from the truth (translate as protecting himself and being in his own little world) and maybe he can't get out of that world he created.
All I want is the reality of things- not filtered bull.
I hope you are able to get your answers so you can move forward.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
watchtheskyy
♀ Member
Member # 34197
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amen, confused!!


The first step to living the life you want is leaving the life you don't want.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011
guarded
♀ Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there; Done that. Still there...UGH! This is the absolute worst part of it all and the single solitary reason I have not been able to move past all of it.
WH can't understand why I am still stuck here with it on my mind constantly with no relief...Uh, HELLOOOO..MCFLY!!!!! ARE YOU NEW?

I have repeatedly told him what I need: answers. And I get, "I've answered all your questions."

UM, no..."I don't know" & " I don't remember" are NOT answers. I do not understand how he doesn't get this. It is not like I am expecting him to read my mind. I have clearly expressed this numerous times. There is no benefit to not answering. How can you not know when you were there? I say more bullshit.

With all that said, the IDK and ICR answers are more cruel than the sickening affair and have/continue to do more damage than the gross betrayal. How much more obvious does it get?


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 450 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
guarded
♀ Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there; Done that. Still there...UGH! This is the absolute worst part of it all and the single solitary reason I have not been able to move past all of it.
WH can't understand why I am still stuck here with it on my mind constantly with no relief...Uh, HELLOOOO..MCFLY!!!!! ARE YOU NEW?

I have repeatedly told him what I need: answers. And I get, "I've answered all your questions."

UM, no..."I don't know" & " I don't remember" are NOT answers. I do not understand how he doesn't get this. It is not like I am expecting him to read my mind. I have clearly expressed this numerous times. There is no benefit to not answering. How can you not know when you were there? I say more bullshit.

With all that said, the IDK and ICR answers are more cruel than the sickening affair and have/continue to do more damage than the gross betrayal. How much more obvious does it get?


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 450 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
guarded
♀ Member
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there; Done that. Still there...UGH! This is the absolute worst part of it all and the single solitary reason I have not been able to move past all of it.
WH can't understand why I am still stuck here with it on my mind constantly with no relief...Uh, HELLOOOO..MCFLY!!!!! ARE YOU NEW?

I have repeatedly told him what I need: answers. And I get, "I've answered all your questions."

UM, no..."I don't know" & " I don't remember" are NOT answers. I do not understand how he doesn't get this. It is not like I am expecting him to read my mind. I have clearly expressed this numerous times. There is no benefit to not answering. How can you not know when you were there? I say more bullshit.

With all that said, the IDK and ICR answers are more cruel than the sickening affair and have/continue to do more damage than the gross betrayal. How much more obvious does it get?


In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 450 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.