Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help! I need advice on what to do!
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TCD - 180. Are you *sure* you're upsetness was over a ring? Resale value on jewelry is crap. I couldn't even get $1,000 for my $8,500 HOF set. You are mad, I get that, and you have every right to be! I just think you need to stop and take a deep breathe and ask yourself what you're really upset about. If your plan is for D, it doesn't matter who he googles or talks to. You finding out he googled the OW seemed to spur your idea to demand the ring. If that is the case you need to get back to the basics of the 180. Deep breath - enjoy a few hours of one on one time with your littlest, and try to put him out of your mind for now. Clearly he is a dick. Don't give him any ammunition in a D by freaking out. (((TCD)))


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm no attorney or financial planner or anyone qualified to give you advice here, but I really think it's okay you don't have a job yet.. I would keep some sort of record that you have been applying. You might be given child support based on your income potential, so you really do want a job, but if you've been a stay at home mom and doing part-time work for a long time, I think that's what a lot of spousal support is for, to give you some help while you get back up there..

Once you separate you can ask for "family support" which is not SS or CS. I don't know how it's classified for tax purposes. What it does, though, is send some cash your way from your STBX while the divorce is underway. When the divorce is in the final stage SS & CS may start happening. Make sure your petition for D asks for family support. AND exclusive use of the family home.

You definitely need to keep track of what you're doing to find work. Even if you don't have a job, the state will assume you are capable of making minimum wage 40-hours a week. So don't expect to be a SAHM mom any longer. And don't expect SS to last long enough, or be in a large enough amount, to tide you over while you finish out a degree or certificate.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 9:53 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9814 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No it didn't spur me asking for it back. It was part of another thread i wrote yesterday morning where I was venting how my detaching makes him be a jerk to me and then that night finding out he took it. Other members mentioned that it was mine as it was a gift. So today I was wondering if I should not ask for it or if I should. When I saw the OW thing it had me worried what was going to happen to it. And I wanted the right thing to happen. Where it would benefit us in divorce or the kids. So I was asking what I should do so not to cause more problems.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a degree and I know full well that I will no longer be a SAHM.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Typing on iPhone, bear with me: as soon as you said he said he was going to sell the ring I figured the idea was to fund the divorce. I may be in the minority here, but I think you should sell it. Right now both of you are in limbo with your relationship. I remember when he use to post he mentioned the debt between that you both have. Do you have sentimental attachments to this ring? From my understanding it was given to you during false reconciliation... Even if the resale value is not that great it would be a start towards a divorce.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 3:07 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what I thought he was going to do with it. And I don't mind if the ring is sold for us and/or the kids. However, I do mind if he does financial things like that and not tell me. Or take things and not tell me. I was worried yesterday after seeing the OW stuff that he had different motives. Obviously he is a liar and willing to hurt me in many ways. So many of us wait for the other shoe to drop and so many times it does. I don't think it was a crazy connection that he might have taken it to do something other than pay off debt or help the divorce.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went back to my vent thread and I think it shows that I wasn't upset he took the ring because I wanted it or something like that. He had been saying some hurtful things that day and I thought it was another way he was lashing out at me. Again, it was just the situation I am in that made me sad. And the loses. Other member mentioned that he basically stole it so I asked for it back so the right thing could be done. That entire day he seemed like he was going to snap and it scared me. The next day was when I found out he had at the minimum been searching the OW. Since he still works there, has been emotionally abusive, and has no remorse, it made me wonder if there was more. After I got the ring back was when he spent almost half an hour telling me how horrible I was and saying that I wanted to bleed him dry emotionally and money wise and that if I was going to be difficult then he was. And I had not been talking to him. That scared me more.

I'm sorry if it all became confusing. I started this thread because I thought it was a different topic. I also wanted to get advice ASAP since he was coming home and the other thread was a vent and not really asking for advice. I think that is where a connection is being missed. The vent thread ran into the second day.

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 3:44 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1727 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.