I framed my text to him as "Teslet was wondering how much longer you were going to be." I wish that cowardly piece of shit would call his son up and explain to him why daddy wasn't where he was supposed to be...but as always, that is left to me.
Next time, dial and hand Teslet the phone, so daddy can tell him himself that he's a screw up. I know you want to protect him, but you shouldn't be the one to deliver bad news that is daddy's fault.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
I'm putting him to bed and I've got family over, so I've had Teslet sleeping in his play room. But up until just after the time ex-shat left, it was his bedroom. There has also been a lot of changes this last week as I had family over to push forward several home improvement projects (background, when ex-shat left, he left a shit-ton of half-assed projects. The house was seriously fucked up. But I've been steadily changing and improving it...it's very close to being done!)
Anyway, I'm putting Teslet to bed and he says, "Mom, can you stop changing the house?" I ask him why. He says, "I want it to be like the way it was." I ask him how he would like it and he starts describing the house as it was when ex-shat lived here. As far as I know, he has no tangible memory of ex-shat living here with us.
I asked him who he wanted to live in our house. He said just me and him. But then he started crying and pleading for me to put the house back the way it was. God, it just ripped my heart out because I couldn't tell him that I would change it all back. The house was broken before and we have to fix it. I promised him when it was all done being fixed that there would be no more changes to the house.
Someone please tell me this is just because he is tired and disappointed about his dad today. That he's overstimulated from all the family members I've had over this past week. His little brain can't possibly be using this as a metaphor for wanting his dad back with us, can it? Maybe I need to talk to his therapist about this.
[This message edited by tesla at 11:01 PM, July 5th (Friday)]
He is tired and yes, disappointed. And overstimulated. Tomorrow will be a better day and Sunday, when the two of you can just snuggle, it will be great.
Kids connect dots in different ways to us. They try to work out the world around them and sometimes get it wrong - things changed when the house started changing IYKWIM? I'd maybe ask him to expand on what he means next time.
Believe me I do know how hard it is when they say these things. My 5 year old told me she wished we were together recently. I don't think she wishes we were together, she just wishes she didn't have to have two houses. Both are hard spots for her to be in.
All we can do is let them voice their feelings and reassure them - all the while dealing with our own feelings about these issues.
What a fuckstick, seriously. At least have the decency to give his son an explanation. Can you imagine making this mistake and NOT talking to Teslet about it? I'm concerned that ex-shat's story will differ to yours - thereby further confusing Teslet.
((Tesla and Teslet))
And I know just what he would love to do
One more thought about the house changing - has he been involved in any of the changes? Is there a way to include him? If he wanted the playroom to be his room again, would that be doable?
Maybe giving him some input and ownership of the changes, no matter how small, would help him?
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
Were together 7+yrs, Ended R.
I love watching you navigate this whole process. Not that I love the struggle or the hurt, but you are so thoughtful and careful. Somehow your spirit and character always shine.
I hope you have a great time reconnecting.
Today, ex-shat's step-mom stopped by to see Teslet and visit. We don't talk about ex-shat but something was bothering her and she said that ex-shat is telling his dad that I'm poisoning Teslet against ex-shat. Yeah. Classic - straight from the unremorseful cheaters' handbook. But ya know what...didn't even fucking ruffle a feather because I've seen so many of us on here relate similar stories. FTG. The only thing that is poisoning his relationship with his son is his fucked up self.
Anywho...we did some quality simple things today. And I could see the joy and happiness and peace on that child's face.
nik, I think you have a point. He doesn't need to move out of his old room...he can keep using it if he wants...and maybe we need to go looking for some cool boy room stuff. I've been so occupied with just getting the house livable (seriously, you would not believe the shit hole that guy left us in) that I haven't thought about things like that.
[This message edited by tesla at 8:43 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]