Keep doing what you're doing - don't engage. In time his reaction won't matter to you all.
This is about detaching yourself from him as much as it is detaching from him, IYKWIM? The former is what the 180 does in the beginning, the latter is the end result - indifference.
This is a common reaction to the 180.
Agreed. Keep doing your thing girl.. It's like he's trying to hate you into loving him again
FTG and his blame shifting.. Stupid idiot.. Don't engage with that crap. It should be obvious why you're detaching, so you don't have to explain it again. Just keep detaching..
Try your very best not to engage with him and stay calm. Emotional abusers will get right in your face and bait you, so I would suggest trying to deescalate the situation and getting away from him if things start feeling too tense.
Honestly, in-house is hell with these people, and I think it's time to file the divorce and get an emergency temporary hearing for exclusive use of the home so he has to stay away from you.
Do NOT let him make you feel like you are crazy for protecting yourself and your kids. This is so far from how a guy with any chance at showing remorse and fixing the marriage would be making you feel. I don't know how you've been living with him this long, but I would recommend trying to actually separate living spaces with him as soon as possible..
If you truly feel unsafe, it may be in your best interest to try to get him out of the house. Things can quickly out of hand in that sitch.
My xh got real nutty as I started 180ing him. Things got ugly one night, and he attacked me. This from a man who had NEVER once raised a hand to me.
Please protect yourself & your kiddos.
Eta: if yr H does hurt you, do not hesitate to have him locked up. That makes it easier for you to get him out & get a POA.
[This message edited by Vulcanized at 1:50 AM, July 5th (Friday)]
This is all about self-care now. I think you should take a trip to the jeweler - don't you? Something symbolic of a new beginning.
((TCD)) Back on the horse!
[This message edited by Take2 at 10:00 AM, July 5th (Friday)]
Be so proud of yourself girl. You sound like a fabulous mom, you are looking for a job, you are trying to climb out of this hell, so don't let him pull you back down.
I really recommend trying to separate as soon as possible. Reach out to some friends and family. Surround yourself with loving and supporting people. You are NOT worthless!! This guy is toxic poison, and you need to get away from it.
He is such a big baby. And is just proving more about who he is. For someone so smart, he sure as hell is a dumb.
If not, I would report it stolen.
The sad clown wore his ring for a week or two after DD. I asked him to take it off. He refused "we are still married, you know".
Thanks for the reminder, fuckface.
He finally took it off and left it in full display at my eye level in a spot in the kitchen where we dumped stuff. Such a dick move. I was tempted to flush it down the toilet but worried it would sit at the bottom of the bowl mocking me. Unflushable.
I would talk to your L about the rings - not him.
It sounds like that was a "gift" from him to you, and that makes it yours, not marital property, if that makes sense.
So he was going to sell that, and KEEP THE MONEY WITHOUT TELLING YOU.
Hell to the NO.
If you're divorcing him, there is nothing to argue about and there is no reason to 180 in confrontational way or to act pissy, since you aren't trying to change him since you're divorcing him. We only do 180 to get ourselves in a better place and to stop being doormats.
I take it that it's a deal-breaker for him to not change job so you're divorcing? And he's out of the affair?