Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: mamaof4 (44197)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why all the tears now?
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS is crying or has just stopped crying every I see him or speak to him. He has been out of the house for a while and I filed papers already. His parents said he just sits in his room and cries. He said he can't look at me. He hasn't done anything I asked him to. Still says he doesn't know what to do???? His old IC says it is because of shame. But why why why all the tears? I just don't get it. There has been plenty of opportunity to show changes but he hasn't. I'm trying to remain civil but I really just want to say stop crying, I've had enough! What do I do here?

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the case of my STBX, crying / tears / sobbing / hysteria were all a way to deflect serious conversations. He hid behind his crocodile tears. How could I continue to insist on answers when he was breaking down? What was wrong with me that I couldn't see how destroyed & sorry he was? What more could I possibly ask him, what more could he possibly give???

It was pure manipulation, one that bought him about 16 years of non-accountability because I kept falling for it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9231 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Nature Girl tells it like it is.

STBX here apparently cries when in contact with some relatives and sometimes during lawyer meetings he looks extremely emotional.

But in reality, he is happy as a clam.

I saw the most emotion out of him in our whole lives during false R when he was trying to keep OW and I both on a string and it wasn't working.

IC said some of it may have been sheer frustration, as I feel that, but I think when his manipulation wasn't working for one of us, it sometimes came out that way.

I hear from one of his relatives that on the phone he is an emotional mess, but in person happy-go-lucky. If I ever have to be in contact, the stone wall is there.

Is there a way to notice if the tears stop when you aren't present or when you aren't questioning him? I wonder if there's a pattern somehow?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2129 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the pattern is when he realizes I will be ok without him. He claims to really want 'us' like he just woke up and realized what he had. His dad and friends keep calling to see if we just had an argument or something. Nope. I see him 5 min every other night, hello and goodbye. Hardly ever talk on the phone. His mom told me his boss sent him home and told him to get in therapy. (He is in IC) Maybe he is exiting the last of his fog?

Posts: 241 | Registered: Mar 2013
Athena1979
♀ Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the frustration of not being in control of the situation anymore.

All he really would need to do is take responsibility for his actions.

Own up to it. Be honest about it and honest with you.

Or...he is just using manipulation powers on you, maybe not even realizing it.

I haven't gotten to that point yet with my WH. I'm sure it's coming. It's something he would do to manipulate me.

I think I would respond consistently with, "I'm the victim. The women you used for money are the victims of men like you. You are the last person in the world who should be crying. So knock it off before kick you in the wee wee. that's right wee wee, because wee wee's are what little boys have.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shame can actually be crippling. I don't know your story, or that of your WS, but particularly with childhood abuse or sexual abuse survivors, it can be so disproportionate of a response it can be debilitating.

Dunno if it fits him, but you did mention his IC had said it...


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3580 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Betrayeddaddio
♂ Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Real tears or fake, it seems he is wasting a lot of energy crying that could have previously been channeled into R, or at least to do some of what you needed after his betrayal. (too little, too late)?


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 702 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the case of my STBX, crying / tears / sobbing / hysteria were all a way to deflect serious conversations. He hid behind his crocodile tears. How could I continue to insist on answers when he was breaking down? What was wrong with me that I couldn't see how destroyed & sorry he was? What more could I possibly ask him, what more could he possibly give???

Ditto. His undiagnosed depression, anxiety/personality disorders went into fever pitch when I didn't do the things he expected a) he expected he could love bomb me back; and b) he expected I would go postal and verify that he wasn't the bad guy, he was married to a crazy bitch.

I let myself be sucked into a) for under 3m but TBH by that time I subconsciously knew I was gaslighting the fuck out of myself and it was only a matter of time before I ran out of gas.

Let him carry his own water. He is no longer your problem - let him deal with himself.

20 weeks after S which was after a 3m false R of Academy Award Winning Muppetry this 40 y/o loser was ready to introduce his 24 y/o office gopher/obviously prior OW to my little girls as his GF.

That is how sincere his pretty words and rivers of tears were. He told me he was no longer broken and he knows that because he is now in a 'loving' relationship.

That's the kind of logic you're dealing with here. He was losing it when he was alone, like a parasite without a host. Now he has a now host the parasite is happy!

That there is the great big upside to his shacking up with OWUmpteen. I am not looking forward to the performances I will be subjected to each time that parasite is host-less.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5383 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.