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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just lived through tough week but have achieved breakthrough
Pudding
♀ Member
Member # 37168
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really had a tough week last week, following some massive triggers leading to major row with FWH. I have been so frustrated about his inability/ refusal to address the whys and recall the details of his ONS 6 years ago which resulted in an OC.

There has been NC with OW since November and he has not seen OC since January 2012, but I have been pleading with him to explain the why of thecONS and what his feelings are towards OC.

He has finally come out of the fog. He finally realised on Thursday that he had to work on this. He took Friday and Monday off work and spent all weekend working on a long letter to me, reading around all the books I have been throwing at him these last few months. I went 180 as far as I could over the weekend, although it was difficult trying to be normal as well in front of friends we had arranged to see on Friday night and Sunday.

He warned me on Sunday that there would be elements in his letter that would upset me. I told him my imaginings were far worse. I wanted the full truth. When I had the full truth I would have the information on which to make the decision to stay or not to stay, but without the truth, I didn't know who he really was.

He sent me the full letter to read as I was coming home from work yesterday. There were some upsetting bits, but nit as bad as i has feared. There were no more facts. it was all about his feelings, which he had not addressed before. He has gone into the entire relationship with me going way back, with the OW, with his first wife, who betrayed him for years, with his parents. I now have the whys and know what we can work on together. We spent most of the evening talking together, truly reconciling and I didn't get angry (much). I now understand his feelings better, which is what I have wanted this past year.

We have clarified 3 or 4 areas where we have had misunderstandings, differing viewpoints, perceptions etc. We still have some differences, but they are nit going to be insurmountable and we now know what to work on.

It has been a tough week, but I now feel better than I have done for ages. I feel he has finally woken up. We are both committed to R and we know where we need to work together. It's worth the struggle. Better than the rugsweeping


Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: UK
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you pushed through your H's resistance; I'm glad he started his trek towards honesty; and I'm glad the truth was less bad than you feared.

That's good stuff that both of you did - congratulate yourselves, and celebrate. Oh, yeah, then go back to work on yourselves and your M. It'll be worth the effort.

(((pudding)))

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:42 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so happy that the results of this difficult week have been so enlightening for you! Here's hoping that it's the start of a great upwards trend!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We always seem to take our greatest steps forward during our toughest times.


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2560 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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