Sorry, I had to shake my head... All of what your wh said is the same as what I got. ALL of it and repeatedly.
My suggestion is 180! If I would have listened to all my fam here I would not have lived in the hell for nearly 4 years. Also, he was still in his A and then he was still in A fog.
We are seperated now. We are off and on now. We are not committing to R at all but we are civil and I'm really starting to detach. But, it has taken me SOOOOO long... Now, I am like.. Okay, thats nice.. and walk away.. I do not engage in him. I have learned when I do, I get the mind fuck, no empathy, and blaming me or the marriage or "all we did was fight, I am scared that we will keep doing that"...HUMMMM....HELLO??????
"We fought for all those years because you blamed me and you were fucking HOworker, partying with her, and and letting her disrepect me and our kids"
180 him, he needs a HUGE wake up call. If you don't he may always do what he is doing and you will start to think you are crazy, and be fustrated because you keep hitting the brick wall with him.
I am for you!