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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: That physical side
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also suffering from major mind movies, may I please have the video also? I'll try anything. Thx!

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 1:31 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred I told you you could see it if curiosity got the best of you. Offer still stands, just PM me. 🐒🐸


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally off topic now...sorry to OP...but is that a monkey and a cat? Very clever.

Not sure if I want to chance amphibian sex tapes right now. Afraid I might not measure up

Good luck ladies - mind movies suck. If PPGA can help, watch the frog. I'll have to stick to Bud Weis Er (lite).


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new here, but would love to see this video. That is the main thing I can't get out of my mind. All hours of the day and night, no matter what I am doing I have a video of them together in my mind! Please send it to me!


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Angel177
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mind movies SUCK. Living with watching them have sex day in and day out for the last 10 months is the worst part of my life.

I'd love the video too please.


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 251 | Registered: Oct 2012
undonelife
♀ Member
Member # 38421
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PPGA please send pm of video to me as well. WH married AP was young pretty more educated & very willing. He asked for a divorce to be with her. They had wild sex & shebwas there anytime day or night for him. It hurts like hell to think of them together.


Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger McOW
Kids: 2 teens

Posts: 188 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
Sleepless22
♀ Member
Member # 36580
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the same problem. Can you please send me the video too?

[This message edited by Sleepless22 at 6:52 AM, July 5th (Friday)]


Me-BS 33 Him- WH 35 (ptsdandhoping) 3 Kids 10, 5, 2, and one due 12/23.
DD1: 12/2/09-PA DD2: 05/25/12-EA with Ho-Worker;
Status: Reconciling, I think.
My life needs editing. Mort Sahl

Posts: 153 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Crazy Town
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is still a problem for me all these years out. How can they go back if they say the sex was repulsive? My FWH had a LTA and thought at one point he'd fallen IN love with OW ( although that feeling ceased a couple of weeks after it'd begun so I guess it was the real deal.... Not !!)

This coupled with his admission the sex was mediocre always makes me cringe as I think...."you had anything you wanted off me sexually yet you traded that for crap sex... With someone who repulsed you? Yet, you ALMOST thought it was true love for 2 weeks?!?!" I don't get it!!


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Jul 2009
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If anyone wants the video link you must PM me and ask for it. It is something that may be offensive to some people, and I do NOT want to get into trouble for offending anyone, so, therefore, you must specifically ask me in a PM for the link.

Also, it is NOT helpful to a male BS, so do not ask for it unless you are prepared to take a chance that it might make your mind movies worse.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7102 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Thiscantbhapning
♀ New Member
Member # 39601
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried sending you a pm for the link, but received an error message that you had reached your pm limit (?)


BS (Me)-48
WH-49
COW-28
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
DS-24
DD-22
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
standinghere
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

has anyone else found ways of dealing with this

Eventually, hopefully, all of us find our own way. I had some real stuff to deal with. When my wife finally really confessed she told me the following

She took him to where we had our first date (a park and one of our favorite places in the area) and gave him a blow job, took him to a piece of property we were looking at for considering building a house on and had sex there, had him come over to the house and had sex in our bedroom with the kids at home, took him to our shop on our property and gave him a blow job there, had sex with him where we took the kids to play in a sport, had sex with him up against our car, and met him where we took one of our first long afternoon trips together and had sex with him, and also met him at his house and had sex in the bed that he and his wife shared, there was one other place, that was not attached to any of us, just was a random place.

She also took our kids to meet him, to walk with him, and met him at a playground with the kids, took a drive with him and the younger kids.

Wow, what do you do with that? That is what we all feel like at some point.

What does it all mean? That is the real question, find that meaning and it can help you, even if you don't reconcile.

It took a while to get to the bottom of this. Lots of questions, lots of "I don't knows" and vague answers and later confessions and stories from the past.

Seriously, we didn't even have sex in hotel rooms (almost never do still and the times I've tried and have watched it just flame out outnumber the times we had success by a long count), and yet she takes a guy to a park and blows him in the middle of the afternoon? What does that mean?

In my case, it meant that my wife was really fucked up then. Seriously FUBAR mentally.

She was angry, extremely angry, and felt powerless in her life. Angry at her father, angry at her mother, angry at the abusers she'd been abused by, and angry at me. She thought that I thought of her like they did, and this boiled inside of her...secretly. Only problem was that it wasn't true.

Why did my wife do this? She did this to hurt me, bad. He, the AP, was a tool and she was an angry woman who wanted her husband to feel the way her parents had made her feel, who wanted me to feel helpless like she did when she was raped as a teen, who wanted me to hurt like she'd been hurt.

But, it took a long time for her to tell this, for her to answer questions about why this and why not this and why with him and why not with me and all that.

It takes a long time to get there.

It took my wife over two years, coming 9 years after this affair event, to be able to sit and tell me, more or less calmly, that she had wanted me to hurt, to hurt bad, and that she didn't care at the time if I lived or died and that there were days she hoped I'd be in an accident on the way home and die. Why so long? She didn't know herself why. She didn't understand how she could get to that point. She was horrified by it after she came to her senses, couldn't even look at it.

Thankfully, we had a MC who didn't allow rug sweeping and kept us looking at it, kept asking questions about the past. Even over 1 year into it, I asked her "did something bad happen in a hotel room" and her answer was "no". Well, over 2 years into it, she remembered something that had happened in a hotel room 35 years before. Needless to say, it puts the answer to the hotel room question.

I believe that you, the BS, have to recover to the point where you can see these things for what they are, whether your spouse confesses or not, whether they work with you or not, and you have to be in charge of your recovery. It has been a long and hard three years for me since D-Day, but the last year has been much better than even before D-Day.

I understand what this all was, most of the time.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1017 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you please send me the video too, I think it may be very helpful!! Thx


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
confusedsad
♀ New Member
Member # 39298
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I jump on the band wagon and have you pm me the video link too? Thank you!


Me- Betrayed - married 16 years
Him- 2 week affair with someone at work
9 kids
Trying to R

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2013 | From: confusedsad
SuperSadWife
♀ New Member
Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All..
New here but struggling with this whole sex thing.. That was something precious between us and he had stopped with me 5 years back because of his ED..he kept telling me he had no desire at all.. Didn't want to talk to the GP about it. I said then let's go together since making love was such a big part of our relationship. I have a high libido. So for me I shut down when he said that .. So I was shocked when I found out he could with her.. Then during an arguement he told me he was no longer attracted to me and i was mean. so i had already started my diet months before he started for myself... i have lost almost 85 pounds but its hard to compete with a 25 yr old tiny asian Biyaych. After I found out we had the hysterical bonding... So it was great and with no help.. but then quickly Mind games started.. He ended up going to the doc got the blue pill which helps but expensive as hell. So no it's a toss.. If I feel he losing interest or something feels wrong I think it's me and shut off.. I hate it... Making love connected us so much.. No it makes me sick.. I have lost more weight because I can't eat or just end up drinking myself to sleep..
Please send the link..
Any help is welcome.
:(


Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi
Could you send me that video as well. I really need something that will stop my thoughts of them together.
Thanks
Together: 30 years
Married: 26 years
Affair: 1 - 6 mos
2nd - 3 years
Husband left last Oct 17th and returned January 1st.
Still working at it!!!


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
UKlady
♀ Member
Member # 39058
Target  Posted: 3:51 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a little uncomfortable that this thread is still proving popular - I know that sounds a little weird - but I really do want people to not think that this video is a magic wand that will dispel your mind movies. Please read carefully what Getting to Happy said about how it helper her and also read the following from painpaingoaway who originally shared the link on another post:

If anyone wants the video link you must PM me and ask for it. It is something that may be offensive to some people, and I do NOT want to get into trouble for offending anyone, so, therefore, you must specifically ask me in a PM for the link.
Also, it is NOT helpful to a male BS, so do not ask for it unless you are prepared to take a chance that it might make your mind movies worse.

For me, personally, it didn't help - don't get me wrong I wasn't offended, nor did it make me worse, but it wasn't what helped me. I'm focussing very much on the words of our MC who helped me to come to terms with what happened in my WH's situation and it's very much down to individuals.

Ask for the link by all means but please don't think it's a magic pill!


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Hrtbrken1
♀ Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, at 2 years out, the only thing that has helped is *time*. Uhg, how I detest that word. I still have mind movies, but not as bad as the beginning. I know that after 2 years of questioning every last detail about FWH and MOW I've come to realize there was no great romance. It still hurts, yes. I had this hot and heavy romance built up in my head, but I have slowly come to realize how childish it was.

If the mind movies don't get any better, you might want to look into EMDR therapy. It's hard to get thru.


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
KitKat23
♀ New Member
Member # 38679
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you please send me the video too? Glad (and sorry...) that I'm not the only one struggling with this.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Va
Peanut5
♀ Member
Member # 36051
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto! I would love the link. I have actually photos ingrained in my mind. I would love to replace them

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2012
Topic Posts: 39
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