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User Topic: Exposed me to stds while I was in chemo
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I put the questions aside for a while, trying to just understand one A at a time. I started asking about the details now about the first A. I just confirmed that he had unprotected sex with OW#1 while I was on chemo. Then had sex with me.

Not only was I exposed to STD's, but while my immune system was compromised. He wasn't there for me while I was sick and clearly could have cared less.

I don't have a question. Just feeling disgusted, betrayed and sad. Who does this to someone they love? Addiction or not. I can't fathom justifying it. Ever.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Chefj9))))

Posts: 35870 | Registered: Mar 2011
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you have to face this huge betrayal of your health while in such a precarious state!! It truly is heinous.

I think that there is truly magical thinking when someone is in an affair. They think they won't get caught. They think the AP couldn't possibly have an STD to pass along. Considering the statistics and how many people have herpes and HPV it shocks me that anyone could think they are immune. They don't think about how they could damage their spouse. I don't think it is ever a deliberate attempt to cause harm. It is a deliberate attempt to not consider the consequences.

I hope you are feeling better and in recovery!


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3085 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((chefj9)))

There is no understanding to be had.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I am so sorry. That's just disgusting on so many levels


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are some things that are just unfathomable. (((((Chefj9)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25726 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chefj9)))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Chefj9)))) My heart goes out to you, I cannot even begin to imagine, much less understand, the things some WS's do! The A by its very nature is a selfish and thoughtless act. Wishing you healing and peace.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9750 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is one of the times that I truly wished I lived next door to someone (you, in this case), so I could come over, pour you a glass of wine, and rain hugs down upon you. And maybe insert a high-heeled suppository up your WHs ass.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs
That is a major betrayal. You are a survivor. Just remember that.

You can and will survive. Most importantly you deserve it


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{Chefj9}}}

That is just beyond cruel.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2122 | Registered: Nov 2011
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you! My husband did the same thing. After much therapy he says abandonment fears took over and he thought I was going to die of cancer and he couldn't take it....so he started his LTA with MOW.... It's just too terrible to think about. I was undergoing chemo (and working and trying to raise two little kids) and he was off sleeping around with the married Wonder Whore.

I don't think I'll ever need anyone to be "there for me" like I needed someone then and he ran away. He exposed me to her diseases, he told her about my advanced stage cancer and she didn't care. How do I feel now about my post-mastectomy breasts?

I guess he just couldn't wait for me to die so he could "move on with his life". Sickening, Weak, Stupid.

He's changed a lot since then (it's been a little over a year). Life for me is now much better than it has been for years, I guess he had a wake up call - not from the affair but from the resulting 180.

Now I try to live life day to day. If I look at the big picture it makes me crazy. If your WH is remorseful and loving maybe you can try that if you want to stay together. If not, life is short! You deserve to live in a way that allows you to be happy!


Posts: 629 | Registered: Sep 2012
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for the hugs and support. It was very much needed.

He is remorseful, doing everything right, IC,MC, SAA... EMDR, all of it. Somedays it's just so hard to get past all the horrible things he did to me in the throws of his addiction.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Chef)))
I second what Skan said too.

It really reveals the level of brokenness he had during that time.

(((and healing)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8707 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 14

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