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User Topic: Was your spouse in a better mood during the A?
cannot forget
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Member # 30759
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He was mean and nasty. I used to ask myself why other people liked me but my husband seemed to hate me. There was one night, right before I asked him to leave that I went to him in tears and told him I was drowning and needed his help. He looked right through me. That was when I knew I needed him to leave. Still didn't find about his affair until after he was gone. By the way, he was in IC because I had asked him to move out a few months before this. We are "working" on R, but some days I still don't know if I want this.

MOW49 2.5yr LTA
married 24yrs

Posts: 52 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Ct
♂ Member
Member # 29126
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife was in a much better mood during the affair (short lived - about 6 weeks). During that time she was fun, sexy and adventurous.

Thinking back about the good vibes I was getting at that time, and realizing that the situation was being fueled by her affair, makes me sick.

If I want recovery, then I must allow for it to actually happen.
Is it possible that I actually do have all the truth now?

me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15

Posts: 276 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Midwest
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH was mean,grouchy,lethargic, detached and depressed during the LTA.
It wasn't until after d-day and I started reading on SI and other sites that I realized that could be a clue that someone was cheating.

I always thought that WS would be happy, energized maybe secretive.Some are but not my FWH.

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3163 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All in all he was a huge dickbag.

In the beginning it wasn't bad, he just bought me all kinds of stuff and he even suggested I have a spa day.

In the end he was an ass. He started arguments about everything, if I said "Oh look, milk is on sale" he would say "That's not on sale!" and just go on and on about how much milk the family consumes and how much it costs and I should just buy one gallon and wait and see if it goes on sale, blah, blah, blah.

I could say that the sky was a lovely shade of blue today and he would argue with me.

I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Posts: 5449 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
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Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. He was complete stranger. Made uneccessary trips for work. Back to back to back. I am suspect of these. In 30 yrs, it never has happened again. Acted like he hated me, verbally attacked the kids. We were very disconnected. And then all of a sudden he bought huge gifts for me. I was very suspious and was confronting him.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 952 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
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Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't know.
I only saw her on Sunday's as she was leaving to go to a friends house. The rest of the week she left for work before I got up and got home after I'd gone to bed.
The one's that really missed her were the kids. They didn't have a mother for 3 months.

BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife

Posts: 484 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
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Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No my spouse was not in a better mood. In fact, he was unbearable.

In order to justify his abandonment of me and our kids he had to demonize us. "They don't love me, so I am entitled to my volunteer prostitute."

But then he felt guilty and that required more attacks on us to distract himself from his shame.

When the shame got too overwhelming, he drank himself into a stupor and he is a mean drunk. He is also incredibly mean with a hangover, which he had most days.

And he wasn't just us who noticed. He had problems with everyone he ran in to or worked with.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
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Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. He was a nasty SOB!

DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1461 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
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Member # 34298
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got both sides. WH was beyond joyful when the affair was in full swing. He was so excited and happy and he couldn't understand why I wasn't happy for him when he revealed that he found his soulmate. It was surreal.

Once I called the OW and let her know I wasn't ok with their relationship, (actually that I wasn't on board with the polyamourous relationship they had decided we were all going to have,) then WH became the biggest jerk you could ever imagine. The EA continued on for 2 months after this, but it was a struggle for the happy couple now that I had burst their bubble. This made WH really mad and he was very cruel to me during those 2 months

ME - 50 something
WH - 50 something
Kids - 3 boys, Adult, Teen, Teen
Married - 26 years
Together - 29 years
EA 10/11 -12/11; 100% NC 1/18/11

Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Out in the big wide open
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Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was your spouse in a better mood during the A?
No, not at all. However, when she was in the company of others, she was in a great mood and if I was around she would try to ignore me as much as she could without trying to be obvious.

Posts: 1212 | Registered: Feb 2011
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Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xWW was only in a good mood when she had something going on the side. That used to hurt me quite a bit, but now I understand why, and it's just sad.

Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).
Thought Industry

Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
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Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was much like Crushed's husband:

No, during his A, he was smug, arrogant, hateful, and often angry. His eyes were dark and haunted and he became an alcoholic because he couldn't deal with his guilty conscience

Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.

Posts: 6136 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
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Member # 39896
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my husband was happier yet distant...I thought things were getting better.. I had started my New Years resolution and had started my diet and was cooking more. He would be late for dinner pretty much every night but he loved that I was cooking constantly for my diet.. He would even come in caress my face then boom he was gone aloof.. Our daughter had many health issues that year and it continued into the new year with a couple of trips to the ER and cardiologist. And he was fucking awall.. The day she did her stress tests and cardio doppler.. He was with that bitch.. No call no nothing.. We called looking for him to go to dinner.. He suddenly got a free ticket for a lecture ..( his bitch Won it ) supposedly I think she bought it because he told her about our daughter and her test.. Fucking bastard.. I coursing believe it.. I hope her eggs shrivel and dry up.. She shouldn't procreate as her mom is a slutty whore too., just to have more slutty bitches..
Anyway back to the original thread.. Yes overall happier because as he told her "you make me feel like a teenager" bloody bastard

Me (50)BW
Him (46) FWH
DD 17 and seriously hurt by this all..
Married for 18 years..together 20yrs
EA 2009- 23 yr old that has a childhood crush on my husband. named her child after my husband...sick girl on & off +2years stopped when he started

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
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Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was very difficult to live with. He would lose his temper over everything, constantly told the kids to leave him alone, and made little to no effort to help around the house. His anger turned to rage in the blink of an eye...he screamed horrible things in front of the kids, called me names, and repeatedly threatened to leave us...followed quickly with a statement to the kids that it would be all my fault.

I'd like to believe it was only the EA that brought me here, but I've just learned that he's been unfaithful to me in one way or another for the past 10 (+?) years.

When I look back, I feel like there have been so many more good times than bad...I'm trying to focus on those, but each new revelation is draining my hope.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
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Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Mean, short tempered with me and the boys. Constantly finding fault with me and ready to blame me for anything and everything. And more concerned about his appearance. Difficulties sleeping and even some stomach issues. I thought in year before d day that he was ill with some he had picked up through work trips in the developing world.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
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Member # 37146
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep when PA was raging. He had tons of energy, wanted to invite OW and her spouse over for dinner, had fish fry for neighbors (OW came), Seemed really happy..yet seemed extremely frustrated with me about ED issues and left a bottle of Viagra on the bedside table, claiming it made him ill to take. (He had another ED med he was overdosing on for OW)When the PA ended....OW ended the sexual part and they were in EA, he was cold, rude, refused to have sex with me, bitter and emotional detached. We are in R now and he is smothering me with attention, flowers and overt affection ---very scary and he knows it.

Don't know who he is anyone???

Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Somewhere in USA
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Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 5:06 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was angry almost every day. There were days when my only goal was to not "make" her angry, and I failed.

She was especially angry if I woke her up. In fact, ironically, this is how I caught her. I had greased the bedroom door hinges so as not to wake her up from squeaky door hinges. I quietly entered our bedroom one night after she had gone to sleep. I tip-toed to our masterbathroom and discovered her hiding in our walk-in closet, in the dark, using a secret trac phone. She never heard me coming!

WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 779 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
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Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There were times you could say he was in a "good mood" but it was more like a creepy mania one might see in a horror movie. Mostly though, he was just angry most the time. Pissy mood peppered with increasinly violent outbursts,

He would frequently type happy fluffy "good mood" messages to OW with one hand while slamming objects against the desk with the other and screaming nasty, crazy things. When he had the mic on, the screaming would stop and the fake happy would start.

He had energy lots more than usual, but it seemed extremely uncomfortable to him.

I frequently asked him "If she makes you so incredibly happy... why are you always in such a terrible mood?"


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH acted like a sullen teenager being scolded by his mother throughout the affair. Refused eye contact, grunted instead of talking, shunned physical contact, ignored me, refused to sit near me (if I was at the table, he was in the living room; if I was on the couch he was across the room in an arm chair; etc).

It was certainly made it easier to divorce him.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
solus sto
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Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the early days, when OW was really a series of strippers, online conquests, or bar room hookups, he was quite cheerful.

But during his LTA, he was a flaming asshole.

In retrospect, he was a flaming asshole all along, to me. He was just a more sanguine asshole early one. The high of "getting away with it" played a big role.

The 2-year affair? The whore was more of a PITA than I am (I'm speaking in terms of "demands" placed on the princeling; I'm not really a PITA; I just expected my husband to be a husband and, in light of recent discovery of long-term cheating, a husband working to R. Silly me.) As she grew more demanding, he became a bigger dick. Unfortunately, this coincided with my discovery of the affair. He was a monster, post-dday. Just a monster.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8857 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
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