Thinking back about the good vibes I was getting at that time, and realizing that the situation was being fueled by her affair, makes me sick.
me - husband A46
her - wife A42
Married 17 years
D-Day August 2, 2009
3 kids 11, 13, and 15
I always thought that WS would be happy, energized maybe secretive.Some are but not my FWH.
In the beginning it wasn't bad, he just bought me all kinds of stuff and he even suggested I have a spa day.
In the end he was an ass. He started arguments about everything, if I said "Oh look, milk is on sale" he would say "That's not on sale!" and just go on and on about how much milk the family consumes and how much it costs and I should just buy one gallon and wait and see if it goes on sale, blah, blah, blah.
I could say that the sky was a lovely shade of blue today and he would argue with me.
Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
In order to justify his abandonment of me and our kids he had to demonize us. "They don't love me, so I am entitled to my volunteer prostitute."
But then he felt guilty and that required more attacks on us to distract himself from his shame.
When the shame got too overwhelming, he drank himself into a stupor and he is a mean drunk. He is also incredibly mean with a hangover, which he had most days.
And he wasn't just us who noticed. He had problems with everyone he ran in to or worked with.
Once I called the OW and let her know I wasn't ok with their relationship, (actually that I wasn't on board with the polyamourous relationship they had decided we were all going to have,) then WH became the biggest jerk you could ever imagine. The EA continued on for 2 months after this, but it was a struggle for the happy couple now that I had burst their bubble. This made WH really mad and he was very cruel to me during those 2 months
Was your spouse in a better mood during the A?
“I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).”
– Thought Industry
No, during his A, he was smug, arrogant, hateful, and often angry. His eyes were dark and haunted and he became an alcoholic because he couldn't deal with his guilty conscience
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
I'd like to believe it was only the EA that brought me here, but I've just learned that he's been unfaithful to me in one way or another for the past 10 (+?) years.
When I look back, I feel like there have been so many more good times than bad...I'm trying to focus on those, but each new revelation is draining my hope.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
Don't know who he is anyone???
She was especially angry if I woke her up. In fact, ironically, this is how I caught her. I had greased the bedroom door hinges so as not to wake her up from squeaky door hinges. I quietly entered our bedroom one night after she had gone to sleep. I tip-toed to our masterbathroom and discovered her hiding in our walk-in closet, in the dark, using a secret trac phone. She never heard me coming!
Recovery is building a pyramid of inference from which to climb and see clearer, and heavy usage of the reflexive loop.
He would frequently type happy fluffy "good mood" messages to OW with one hand while slamming objects against the desk with the other and screaming nasty, crazy things. When he had the mic on, the screaming would stop and the fake happy would start.
He had energy lots more than usual, but it seemed extremely uncomfortable to him.
I frequently asked him "If she makes you so incredibly happy... why are you always in such a terrible mood?"
It was certainly made it easier to divorce him.
But during his LTA, he was a flaming asshole.
In retrospect, he was a flaming asshole all along, to me. He was just a more sanguine asshole early one. The high of "getting away with it" played a big role.
The 2-year affair? The whore was more of a PITA than I am (I'm speaking in terms of "demands" placed on the princeling; I'm not really a PITA; I just expected my husband to be a husband and, in light of recent discovery of long-term cheating, a husband working to R. Silly me.) As she grew more demanding, he became a bigger dick. Unfortunately, this coincided with my discovery of the affair. He was a monster, post-dday. Just a monster.