How does one ever really know if our spouses did this after so many years? I miss the true naive nature of being in a relationship.
Aside from that, there's google, and background checks.
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
That gives you the best chance of pacing yourself slowly as you get to know them with your ears and eyes open.
If your SO implodes down the line you will have the most strength possible to deal w it because of all the great self care and personal development.