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User Topic: OW Just emailed me
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:57 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple of weeks ago, WH broke off with OW who showed up at our house a few days later. After getting great advice here, I looked into a restraining order which I couldn't file because she hadn't threatened or harassed me multiple times.

I just received an email from her to 2 of my email addresses telling me we need to talk. She also blind copied him on it.

He responded to her and copied me that he was going to file a restraining order. He told me that she started back up sending him nasty, threatening texts over the past couple of days.

Part of me wants to respond and tell her not to contact me again and that the only person she Needs to talk to is a therapist. Or ask her why she thinks I'd care to talk to a homewrecker no credibility anyway.

Any thoughts or feedback on whether I should ignore her or respond with something brief and firm? Obviously, she's crazy so I'm not sure how to handle this situation. He asked me not to respond.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 387 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:10 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*Crickets* is how you respond to her. If she keeps it up go to the police about the harassment.

Can you possibly block her email address to prevent receiving emails from her?


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Titanium
♀ Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 3:12 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dont respond. You will only feed her disgusting need to inflict negativity into you life.......more grief and you dont need that.

You have what she wants and she also wants to piss u off.

Keep all emails so you have proof for a restraining order and remember, you have your husband, she does not.

You are a far greater woman than this skank. Dont let her rattle your chain.

You ignoring her will have a much greater outcome for you and she will hate that!

Its great that your H is very supportive. He is sharing this info with you. Save your energy for your M and flick her right out into the universe......

((((All the best to you)))


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she continues, send her a registered return reciept letter stating that you have requested her to stop all contact etc and if she continues you will pursue this in the the legal system. I had my attorney write the AP a letter. And then another letter, and finally I brought charges of harrassment against her.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


By not responding to her or by responding only as selkiescot suggests, you will be making her feel like you are so far above her that she is unworthy to even have a conversation with you, and this is just how you want her to feel. To engage with her would destroy that and make her feel that you are on the same level as her somehow, if you know what I mean.

This is especially true because, fortunately, your H is sending her the right message and is supportive of you. This is making her feel that he is protective of you against her. If that were not the case, I might have a different opinion, but he is making all the right moves for you. Hats off to him!
by doing this in your behalf, he is taking a lot of pressure off you and making it easier for you to heal.

As long as your H is doing this, I would cooperate with what he wants.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am going to go against the flow here.

Your husband does not want OW to talk to you and tell you the truth/details he is lying about.

He threatens a restraining order as soon as she makes a peep and you go along with it?

Talk to her. Listen to what she says. Then tell her that you have heard her out and to now leave you alone.

IF she persists after that, get an attorney to write her to desist.

Because all I see here is a lying WH who is freaking out over what may come out that he can't hide and the truth he can't isolate you from and control.

jm 2 cents


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the advice and replies. I'm so grateful we have SI to get feedback before we act on our impulses. I won't respond.

My angry, petty side wanted to get some digs in. I forgot that her objective was to engage me in drama.

WH is also STBX, but he was very protective of me and showed me all of her emails and threats. He also said he would protect me in every way possible for her.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 4:34 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 387 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your WH tell you about her attempts to contact him before she sent you an email?

He just needs to go ahead and file for a restraining order to include you and your family/children/etc.

Don't tell her you're going to do it, just do it.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree kalliopeia.

If OW had anything significant or important to inform Rainbows of that was to Rainbows' benefit, OW would have just stated it in the email.

She is simply fishing for an opportunity to hurt Rainbows and get a reaction out of her WH.

Stalker types feed off of attention. It doesn't matter if it is negative or positive, they just want attention of some kind.

Crickets Rainbows.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 811 | Registered: Jun 2012
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most states have stalking laws, which is arrestable. A restraining order is not. Send one message indicating that any form of contact is not welcome and no longer wanted. Keep a copy. From there, keep a record of everything sent. If she fails to stop, you will have enough to prosecute for stalking.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 765 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you possibly block her email address to prevent receiving emails from her?
I would never block the OW or any stalker from phones/email, etc. because I like to leave those avenues open, sort of a like a mouse trap. Once they continue with the stalking after told to stop, you can have them arrested. But if you block them, you won't even easily know if they are still stalking.

I like this advice by NotDefeatedyet:

Send one message indicating that any form of contact is not welcome and no longer wanted. Keep a copy. From there, keep a record of everything sent. If she fails to stop, you will have enough to prosecute for stalking.

Posts: 5676 | Registered: Apr 2006
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did your WH tell you about her attempts to contact him before she sent you an email?

Yes, he did. She showed up at our house the day after he came out of the fog and broke up with her. He said that she started blowing up his phone and email that day. Since then, he tells me every time she "goes crazy" as he calls it. He said she's a textbook borderline person.

Because all I see here is a lying WH who is freaking out over what may come out that he can't hide and the truth he can't isolate you from and control.

He's definitely concerned about what would come out (whether it's true or not) if we spoke. He has a long history of TT and dishonesty. I just don't want to know anything else. I suspect he made a lot of promises to her, but I already know enough to keep moving forward with the D.

He told me this morning that she texted him to go f-off and be with his fat wh*re of a wife. That she was obsessively jealous of me and it made him really uncomfortable. Then she sent him an email (she keeps opening new accounts) apologizing to him for emailing me.

I still haven't responded to her, although I like the idea of telling her not to contact me ever again. Maybe when I have energy to go back into the drama, I'll send something brief and firm to set the stalking groundwork.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 2:08 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 387 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember you probably won't get the truth from OW if you do talk to her....they take great pleasue in inflicing pain on the spouse and will lie to you to do so...
No contact is the best way to go...don't give her the satisfaction of possibly pushing your buttons enough to get you upset and engage in a screaming match with her..
As much as you'd like to tell her exactly what you think of her don't....always take the high road....
Tell your H he is to go NC with her as well....then stick to it....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4815 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me that she started back up sending him nasty, threatening texts over the past couple of days.

If you plan to file a restraining order it would be in your best interest to keep quiet and don't respond.

By responding in any manner you are enticing her to keep contact.

Go NC and stay NC... she's just trying to bait you both.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I basically think your husband is still involved and he is scared to death she is going to tell on him.

and the bpd stuff? please. classic attempt to blame shift and make OW or wife, depending on who is being talked to.

if he is going back and forth with her, it's him messing with her head. I see so many of these stories here on SI where it's a messy ending.

I am not saying it is, but after what I went through, I personally have lost ability to trust someone who was still lying and cheating a couple weeks ago.

It all comes out in the end I guess.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they take great pleasure in inflicing pain on the spouse and will lie to you to do so...

That definitely seems to be the case here, but I don't understand why someone would intentionally inflict pain on another person AND enjoy it.

Especially someone they don't know and who's life they destroyed. Why do some of them enjoy it? I don't understand why they wouldn't just skulk away in shame.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 387 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That definitely seems to be the case here, but I don't understand why someone would intentionally inflict pain on another person AND enjoy it.

because they are sick people. I had the luxury too of having MOW contact me recently although I stupidly engaged. Bad, bad idea. It cost me dearly with all the work I had put in to have it all undone in a day. I'm back on track now, but boy some of these OW are some nasty a** b*tches.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I, too, unblocked OW's number after STBX left, because I called the local police to ask what to do.

FWIW, their advice was three documented correspondences that it is definite who it is before they could do anything.

OW made contact with me twice and I'm angry that I don't have those messages anymore, because with only one more, I could have asked the police to ding her with a formal "leave me alone" letter.

They're gone because of false reconciliation -lesson learned.

But that's the advice I got.

In some ways, I do agree with Kalliopia, I can understand what the post is thinking.

I understand the "crickets" reply, too and this is actually kind of a controversial thread that way.

I could see agreeing to let an OP have their say, but then you open yourself up to more and if you don't, they may not go away.

It could be a cyclical pattern.

I didn't want OW having any of my contact info. but she "got" my phone number. I'm sad she has your email info. For me, it feels very invasive and it wrecked my sense of safety for a long time.

FWIW, when I told her not to contact me ever again, my phone went nuts with beeps for new messages. I only read one because I had to find the delete button, but she was cyber-yelling at me about her "right" to contact me and discuss my horrible marriage.

Sorry to write so long, but it could be a reason on the side of "crickets", if you can figure out a way to get it out of your head.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That definitely seems to be the case here, but I don't understand why someone would intentionally inflict pain on another person AND enjoy it.

Especially someone they don't know and who's life they destroyed. Why do some of them enjoy it? I don't understand why they wouldn't just skulk away in shame.

They do it because they can....they get off hurting you even more...rubbing in what your wh has done with them, what wh has said about you and your marriage, and the fact that they have had your wh....
Don't let yourself get sucked into it because it does hurt a lot!!
No contact is the best route to go where ow is concerned....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4815 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

although I like the idea of telling her not to contact me ever again.

SILENCE speaks volumes. By giving crickets, it's driving her friggin nuts...shows she's not getting to you. If you want her to leave you alone, keep documenting and let the law take care of it...JMHO.

Hugs...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
5yo GS & 18 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4941 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 20

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