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Newest Member: Puddleoftears (44334)

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User Topic: So hard to leave, please help:(
Pringle
♀ New Member
Member # 39708
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, the amount of replies and support from everyone brings tears to my eyes.
I know the right thing is to leave. He just has a way of convincing me that he has changed and will do anything for me to trust him again(of course this is well Im busy keeping my own tabs on him and I know he is lying straight to my face)
I will keep on keeping tabs on him and from there try find the courage to leave.
I told him this weekend that i was leaving-he is abroad at the moment(travels for work) and today i crumbled and said I would give hm one more chance.I wish I had read these replies before I had crumbled to give me the strength to stick to my word. I guess the romantic in me wants to believe i can change this man when the reality is that I cant.
I have told him that if he wants to be with me that I would never get married and we would be life partners-but then I give up my dream of having a happy marriage and having children one day.

Today was a horrid day. I saw a bride taking photos and burst into tears, it felt like my heart was being ripped out my chest. And I have been feeling this overwhelming jealousy for the OW. I never confronted her in the hole situation, nor the woman that he chatted inappropriately to. Did anyone here confront the ow and if you did did it make you feel better or worse? I know he s just as much to blame but how can the OW think that ruining someones future is ok and simply get away with it? I have seen a picture of her and it sickens me each time because in all honesty she is not this revolting person I was wishing her to be. The anger and the jealousy just overwhelms me and I cant stop but think I am not good enough. The effect this has on your confidence is unbelievable and it literally destroys your character.
I cannot imagine if we were married and had children how much worse it would feel because right now i feel like my hole life has fallen apart.


Me: BFiance 30
WFiance 33
DD 15.03.2013
In limbo

Posts: 24 | Registered: Jun 2013
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't warn him again.

Get your family involved, ask for someone to give you the money to fly home.

Don't look back.

My WS did all this stuff you are talking about early in the marriage. Now, he's having an affair with his friends wife! Our children are friends and go to the same high school. He had the OW in my home, my bed, while I was at work! We have had to divorce, my children are torn apart. Their dad brings them around the OW, while telling them NOT to tell the OW husband! Meanwhile, the OW is sleeping with another Dad of a hs student. We have a boat, and now my children have to share the boat with this other family, knowing their Dad is sleeping with the mom!

I am in hell. Please leave. It is very very possible that in the near future,your X will offer to send the pets to you as an olive branch. Let the pets be sent to you, then tell X u will never talk to him again and put a restraining order on him.

These people are sick. You cannot know what is in their mind. You cannot help him.

You need to "grey rock" him. Look it up online. It basically means to get away from someone like this, you need to look and act boring.

Please thank God you found this out before you had children. They children can't change their father, and you would have to give your children to their father and the whore of the month forever. You can read under divorce and new beginnings on this site some of the people the BS have had to hand their children over to on the weekend visitations.. strippers, psychos, child molesters, swingers, etc. Your bf's illness is going to get worse over time, just like alcoholism....

Call your family and post here often, because we ALL feel your pain.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1982 | Registered: Jan 2012
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pringle, try to wrap your mind around this: while planning a wedding just a few months off you start not 1 A, but 2... Why? You get caught - and do it again... Why?

I mean he could just walk from away from the wedding...? If he doesn't want you he could leave. You've even given him permission... so why?

See, the fact is he does want you! He is pursuing and trying to get exactly what he wants: a nice loving respectable wife at home, and whores on the side.

It is such a blessing really, finding out now, as painful as it is. Now that you have seen exactly who he is - the least you can do is believe it.

It hurts like hell, to love someone who is bad for you, who doesn't respect you, who would hurt you knowingly and repeatedly, someone who doesn't define love and marriage as you do... but there it is.

You can and will get through this! Because as Churchill said: When you are going through hell - you keep going.

Keep monitoring until you know you know what you know. Don't tell him. Let him continue to lie to your face until you see the mask for what it is. Truth may cripple you now, but in the long run it will make you stronger.

(((Pringle))) You are not alone!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Pringle))))

Have you noticed a pattern in his behavior? Have you noticed he knows what to say to make YOU feel guilty?

Has he told you you are too sensitive? Has he told you, you are making something out of nothing?
Or that you are crazy or obviously making things up?

Would he be enraged that you snooped on him? What about if you told the truth about his behavior?

Hon, this man is abusing your good, kind, sweet nature. He is counting on the fact that your loyalty runs so deep that you would never leave.

Here are 2 books you might find interesting:

Women that Love too Much

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2609 | Registered: Jan 2010
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is not the problem. She could have been a million other women. Your boyfriend is the problem. Your lying,,cheating, manipulative asshole boyfriend is the problem.

You asked for help. Everyone has given you the same advice. Did anyone say, "maybe you should stay with him. He sounds like he's worth it, all things considered. He actually sounds remorseful and thoughtful and loving to you. Don't let this one get away!"

Don't become your own worst enemy. Admit he is not who you thought and move on. You cannot BARGAiN your way out of this (let's see, we can be together, but not get married, no kids, blah, blah).


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 928 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
myheadreallyhurt
♀ Member
Member # 36424
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big hugs!

Right now it feels unbearable and pretty much impossible. You're hurting a lot and grieving not only the man you love but the entire future you had envisioned and dreamed about. I promise it does eventually get easier. It will take a lot of time but one day you will be able to look back and be proud of yourself for getting out of the situation before it became so much worse (I know I wish I had but I stupidly thought he would change). We are all here to talk to and we all know your pain on some level, you aren't alone!

My WH said to me recently that he stays with the OW in complete misery in violation of a no contact order between them because it's just the easiest thing to do. He says that right now he's sitting in the nasty muddy swamp. In the distance he can see a glimpse of green grass but to get there he has to go across crocodiles, razor wire, and a giant flaming circle so in the end he takes the easier route and sits in the mud. Oddly enough it seems to apply to so many situations.


"See that no one repays another evil with evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another"

Posts: 133 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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