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Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It's so crazy!!!
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Question  Posted: 3:06 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LTA,n2+ years
DDay1 4/15/2011
DDay2 6/17/2011
Jun 2012 ww says she wants D
Dec 2012 I stop AD meds and start enjoying the beauty of life for the first time in over two years
Jan 2013 we tell our kids we our having marital troublesbut are workin on the marriage
ww starts new Ic and tells me she is not working on the M but working on detaching
spring break 2013 ww takes DD on colleg search and I take DS to music festival. I return home and ww has removed wedding ring and pronounced the M over.
May 2013 we go to D planners for finances and family including sessions with the kids.
ww wants to file immediately so that this can be over and final. I ask her to wait until we agree on the terms.
At the beginning of June, I was ready to start refinance paperwork on our home so that we could settle finances evenly. ww told me to hold off until she checked with her lawyer to ensure this would not screw things up. And ww asked me to complete all of the financial terms including split of assets and support payments for her to present to her lawyer.

Nothing since then, absolutely nothing. The kids have been busy with their activities so we actually spnt time together alone. Dinners, movies, etc. ww returns from shopping with clothes she picked for me. At the beginning of June, everything was urgent, urgetn! She needed financial separation so she could buy her own home and needed it immediately.

Now, she is ensuring that there is a good meal when I get home, She brings home clothes for me. She is taking care of home improvements presumably to increase the sales value of a home in which I intend to stay. Sh converses on the days events before we go to sleep.

And yet there is no physical or emotional afection.

I do not think she will be able to walk back on all she has done and return to the M. She told her parents and siblings that she was getting a D. She sees the A as justified because of unhappiness in the M. So self preservation is at stake.

When the D talk started, ww fantasy was bigger than the A fantasy. She assumd that I would move out of our home and she would stay in the home with the kids. She assumed that she would continue to work part time while I paid for all of er home expenses in addition to the children. She assumed there would be a 60/ 40 split of the marital assets in her favor since her professional part time income was half of my professional full time income.

So ther is so much her A has taken from me including the future I saw for our lives. The ability to enjoy life financially as our kids dpart on their own adult lives. The time we would spend together .

It is so hard to give up that sliver of hope that what was to be my future , our future is gone.

So I see two choices this summer. Hire a lawyer and file. The M is done. WW has not come back and told me she is contemplating working on the M. Or just relax and enjoy the summer and do the recheck on her view of the M in the fall.

I really feel that I am just being used financially right now and she has not proceeded because her life (as well as mine) will become more difficult post D.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 405 | Registered: Sep 2011
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I really feel that I am just being used financially right now and she has not proceeded because her life (as well as mine) will become more difficult post D."

My thoughts align with this. Bare minimum effort isn't enough at this point and IF she is trying to R, she's doing bare minimum. I would take her current actions out of the equation because it could very likely be manipulative like you suspect.

If YOU are ready for it to be over, it's over. File and get the ball rolling. If SHE wants to begin to try to save the marriage she can still do that.

I don't think you should slow down or halt your progress in detaching and moving on just because she *might* be having a change of heart.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If YOU are ready for it to be over, it's over. File and get the ball rolling. If SHE wants to begin to try to save the marriage she can still do that.

I don't think you should slow down or halt your progress in detaching and moving on just because she *might* be having a change of heart.

Exactly !
Find out what your legal rights are and responsibilites. It may surprise you, maybe not as much as you are doing right now.

It's hard to pull the D trigger but it will either knock her off the fence or you'll be on the right and only path.
Big Hugs
This shit just sucks.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20371 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like she's cake eating.

I agree to file and knock her ass off the fence and make a decision. Seems like she is manipulating you and you are settling for crumbs, and you deserve better.

Hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 4

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