Please, how do you become indifferent to a predator? And, the weakness of your spouse? I hate this.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
In terms of OW, just remember that she'll suffer. Either she'll get it someday and suffer from knowing how awful she was. Or she'll never get it and her life will trainwreck someday. It just will. It always happens to people who shit on others.
Yes, go to therapy. Get this out. I also suggest yoga or meditation (guided, at a center or something). It really does help with letting go of negativity and getting to that place of blissful indifference.
just too stupid
Yea, I suppose you're right. Forgot about the stupid part
I took your advice and made sure the OBS knew about the A.
I had to wait one year post dday (and MOW's resignation) to be sure there could be no legal ramifications.
I sent OBS an email which was a bit cryptic as I was still afraid of a "forced to resign under pressure" kind of claim, by referring to the A as "the situation", but I know he got the message.
I offered details should he require them, but the one important fact I gave him was the length of the A.
I sent it to his work email, so I am pretty sure it wasn't intercepted, but I have had no response from him.
I will respect that he doesn't want to know more, but I agree that it is frustrating. If he told his cheating wife about the email, I am sure she tried to convince him that I was crazy, and that if she did indeed admit to the A, she would have told him it was a brief encounter.
All this to say that we did the right thing by offering the information. If the OBS does not want any more details, perhaps this is the way they keep their sanity. I think betrayed men on average, don't need the details as many betrayed women do.
At the same time, they are probably not under any illusions either.
Maybe just knowing that the knowledge is in our hands to use or not, is as good as a bit€# slap to the OW. Lets hope so.
[This message edited by FightingBack at 7:26 AM, June 28th (Friday)]
But for now... ((((HUGS))) and to tell you that I understand. It takes the dreaded 4-letter word - TIME. While it never completely goes away (the hatred)...it will lessen and she will take up less and less space...
Try some meditation (there is a website for Health Journeys where you can download. This has really helped me. DD was a little over 3 months ago for me, and WH's affair was 2+ years "strong." Take back the power...
Beware, This is creepy. But i love it.
[This message edited by fourever at 9:40 AM, June 28th (Friday)]
Don't let thoughts like these poison you inside, or she will have taken even more from you. Don't let her.
It was our own spouses where the real hurt comes from.
I think it is important that BS's learn to accept this and express it in healthy ways....wish I could post how to do that...but I can not at this time.
God be with us all.
Please follow the Reconciliation Forum guidelines:
A wonderful place to share your struggles, success stories and triggers while trying to reconcile.It's a long road, but you can do it! There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.
Since fourever came here looking for support in her R we are going to leave this thread where it is.
Getting over the absolute worst anger towards manipulative (maybe even preditory is the word?) OW and a weak WH who just fell along in it because he never thinks anything through and its even worse in the A-fog.
We can be having a pretty decent-ish day, and then something sneaks into my mind and WHAM, I'm seeing red.
No words do my feelings justice...
[This message edited by Tired05 at 1:42 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]
That said, I did. I don't feel nearly as angry as I did. The answer? That dreaded four letter word, T-I-M-E.
Not that I don't still have angry moments. They are mostly toward SAfWH. But the anger toward the OW(plural) has diminished. I feel more clearly that they were insignificant and could have been any available receptacle...
[This message edited by scaredyKat at 5:44 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]