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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Oblivion?
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is like the Perverted Happy Pants (Perv) has moved permanently into oblivion.

Sometimes I just blink and shake my head to clear his ideas and voice out of it again.

I'm writing this time to ask any of you for ideas as to why he is of the (very serious) belief that I am to trust his every word now?

When I mentioned to him something about trust in recent months, he acted like I was an idiot and said, "Oh, I'm not lying now. I have no agenda now.

In order to "get" something I wanted him to do, concerning DD, I decided one last attempt prior to lawyer land and said, "I hope this deal will work." He was completely shocked, dumbfounded, that anyone would say that too him!

He is so far gone with compartmentalizing that he thinks each thing like I wrote above is it's own and not connected. That now that he is "out", he is "Model Citizen Perv" again and all should trust him.

Well, I can't. I don't. I never will again.

I am at a loss for such a mindset to occur, did he get whacked on the head with a bat? How could I have lived so long with someone who lived in such lala land?

Well, I pass the torch to Fatty B (OW).


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fatty B...

I quite like the nickname Whaura myself.

I think they all pull the "why can't we be friends" bullshit. I have enemies who are more worthy of my friendship.

The thing is they truly do believe their own lies. They believe their mask is their real face. They compartmentalise because in their mind its the only way to survive. This is what happens when you don't live authentically.

It bends my brain that they can do these terribly cruel things (betrayals beyond infidelity) yet expect us to be friendly and compliant. I shouldn't be surprised really, in the M I taught him that I would tolerate this crap.

He needs some time to get used to the fact that I am no longer the person I turned into just to keep the peace in the M. I don't have to anymore. Thank fuck.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmentalization is on my top three list of most destructive thought processes possible, right above "Hypocrisy" and right below "Deceit."

FTG, Ash. The more they are faced with the reality of what they've done, unless they are truly remorseful, they double down on the "But that's not how I meant it/this time is different/I honestly didn't think of it that way" boxed in reasoning.

Yuck. And no, you can't trust them. Denial as a way of life means nothing is real, nothing matters, and nothing is connected.

Fatty B sounds like a blues musician, which is karmic-ally predictive and way too cool of an image all at the same time.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fatty B and Happy Pants.

Peas in a Pod.

Generally I do think, FTG. He hid his true spots and stripes for so long, it is like a total stranger now, or a cyber-phone bully across the sound waves.

Mediation is very interesting with this type of person, as "consequences" pile up.

I feel weak and strong all at the same time, because you know what? I and we BS's KNOW the full extent of capability, but Fatty B and counterparts have not yet made these lovely discoveries.

I know, I'm not supposed to think of them, and I don't generally, just when something happens.

It struck me recently (Ouch) that "it" is almost totally opposite what he made fun of in or about people, and now no longer does.

Yes, FTG is my rule of thumb, and I combat any linger wistfulness of yesteryear with the knowledge I now have.

I hear stories of Happy Pants (I think I'll change his name from Perv for a change) siblings and they are some amazing people. It's kind of impressive how he hid so well his "dark side", yet truly is like many others.

One of the stories is a severe alcoholic who lost another job recently and comes up in family conversations. This is a very educated man, complete with medical background, even ran a hospital ward for addicts (huh?) and has the problem so badly that he is not functioning again. Apparently there is a fable about him that he got someone pregnant long ago and took off on her.

There are others in that category, some have changed what "team" they are on...and it always seemed so amazing to my family and I how Happy Pants "escaped all that".

There are so many, many siblings that I wonder too if one or both parents were not SA? They were certainly alcoholic.

The denial is almost an art form, isn't? And almost works, when my gear is down, like the blame-shifting used to do.

This is a good Happy Pants line: "You're lawyer hurt my feelings!!!"


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shouldn't be surprised really, in the M I taught him that I would tolerate this crap.

Maybe that was a factor for us all. Just a theory ...

We're thinking of it as helpful/pick your battles/not too important, etc, they're thinking I can get away w/almost anything.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 764 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Compartmentalization is on my top three list of most destructive thought processes possible".

Yes, I completely agree and hate hearing the word.

I hear it from my father when he is giving advice and find myself turning red. He doesn't give any advice without it.

And I understand it can be used in good ways, not just evil, but my mind is more set on the evil ways it gives room to do. I hear it often if I describe something that makes anxiety come. People think that thinking of one thing at a time can help as a coping mechanism. Yes, I suppose it can, but right now all it means is something bad is coming.

He uses it at work on projects and deadlines and I know I have done it, like on a busy holiday or work place, but it seems like when we buy a new car and see a million the same every day that we never noticed before.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 6

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