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User Topic: Positive things from the affair? Really?
♀ Member
Member # 32167
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With that said, I don't attribute positives to the A. I do however attribute positives to uncovering it, discovering the truth and experiencing the pain. The A itself was a selfish childish act that hurt a lot of people. That does not negate the fact that I take opportunity to learn from life, we all should. Could I have learned all these things without the A, yes. Would I realistically learned all these things without the A, probably not. In that respect, I embrace it the same way I do other horrific events in my life, not as something that is imposed on me, but instead something that is out of my control that has a lesson to teach me.

Well said, thanks wert!

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2011 | From: US
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 11:10 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I read one more time

"The affair was the best thing to happen to our marriage"
I was going to puke.

No it wasn't. It was like living in hell and trying to swim through quick sand. It fricking sucked. By the grace of God somehow we are making it through but no it is not on my top ten list of our marriage successes.

You can build a better, stronger marriage because of the time and commitment you put into it but NO the affair was not positive.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There truly are no positives from the indescribable pain of my WH's A.

We could have fixed our broken M before his willful selfish act of destruction. I knew we were having problems; he refused to deal with them. We could have grown and healed the M if he had been willing to face his demons when I begged him but he always knew better. Now he sees himself realistically.

The only positive is that I'll never blindly trust anyone again.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 37998
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tell my BH and others who know about the A that I hate what I did and how ugly the A was but that I am happy it gave BH and I a chance to have a real marriage instead of the roommate type of marriage we had begun to have.

I can't take back what I did and I live with the consequences but we both agree that this was the wake up call that actually saved our marriage.

Me - WS
H - BH

D day - July 2011 after a 4 year relationship with OM

Reconciled and renewed our vows on our 22 Anniversary in June 2012

Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The resulting 180 was the best thing that happened to our marriage - how about that? I just wish I'd known to kick him out first, before the affair started, and we'd be much further down the path to healing.

Posts: 631 | Registered: Sep 2012
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 2:16 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H A's were horrible times in my life. There was no good things during the A and shortly after. The only so called good things that came out of the A were from me not him. I was the one who showed him unconditional love. I showed him grace and mercy. I helped him through this.

We both came out of the A's better people, but it was because of the choices I made not my H. His choices where nothing but bad and hurtful.

Yes positive things can surround the A despite the A. Those positive things are solely the results of us BS not the WS.

Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!

Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 12849
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely nothing positive. I am very resilient and how my mind worked was to look at bad things and see if any good could come from it...not in this case.
My brain won't let me, the hurt was too much, the betrayal was too great to ever spin this into a 'positive'.
This is a line that will never be crossed. I will never be the same.

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.
William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"
D-Day: Nov 30, 2006
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
William Shakespeare

Posts: 1713 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Etherville
♀ Member
Member # 30213
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they say what doesn't kill youwill make you stronger...the only thing positive that came out of this A is that I am stronger...different in many good ways, but our M is not. Yes, we interact better and really enjoy each other's company better, but what was lost is gone forever...I don't think most WS understand that, so the loss is not theirs...they just see the good stuff.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ Member
Member # 38591
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blameitontherain i think the post your talking about was mine, lol
Yeah my WH thinks his EA helped make us relise what we had and everything is "hunky dory".
While i just think his on planet .

D-DAY -22ND OCT 2012

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: uk
Topic Posts: 29
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