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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Did you tell WS you filed for D?
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't told WH that I filed and he will be served tomorrow.

Who else has not told the WS they filed and/or were being served?

What was their reaction?

Just curious.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I filed and it had been about 5 days that I hadn't heard from him. It was taking longer than I thought..

He came to my parent's house to give me a little bit of money for the kids' lunches, and I ended up telling him that I filed and he just hadn't been served yet. He was pissed and left all huffy and sent me a barrage of texts. (Well sorry I wasn't willing to have a marriage of 3+ anymore asshole.)

I think there is the issue of some people trying to avoid service once they find out someone is looking for them. Luckily my dumbass wanted to see what I had asked for, which was, you know, everything

I do think the shock and awe approach is better depending on your situation and probably would have been better in mine, but it didn't really matter in the end..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2400 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I finally had money all set with the lawyer and actually got through finishing the papers, I told him, "the process has begun." No more, no less.

We had said to each other, when he made things really, really bad at one point, that we would tell the other at leas that much.

I waited an entire year and I didn't tell him when it came down to him being served, because he thinks he is slippery and he isn't in one place very long. This could be on purpose and also trying out is "no commitment new skin". Sure enough, he told me he'd be at one place when it was time and wasn't.

When he got the papers, he mocked me because of this and said, "gee, good thing I went there anyway!"

So I said, "good thing too, because it's timed material and punishable by law."

Good luck, to anyone of you in this process also.

I cried that whole night and weekend I knew they were searching for him.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For safety reasons I did not tell him I had filed, or that he was going to be served & evicted on the same day. That was not my preferred method, but everyone who I was going to for advice & counsel urged me to not give any advance notice and to be out of town when it happened.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9861 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him when I met with the lawyer intially, but I didn't tell him when he was going to be served.

[This message edited by lostmommy at 6:17 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I retained L, filed D and served him all on the same day.

It was also the day he returned from a romantic weekend away with OW. He received the papers about an hour after he got home.

In my case, he is very unpredictable, so I was advised not to let him know in advance. Also was told not to be home when he was served.

It shocked him right out of the fog and back to reality. Not going to lie, it felt good to hear him whine and cry about how much it shocked and hurt him.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 413 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I filed the day after he walked out. He had hit me so I called the cops and instead of getting arrested he left. I also filed for a VPO that day.

He got served the VPO at work.

He hadn't been served the divorce papers yet. He told me, he went online to see what else I had done. I had also changed the locks lol.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4792 | Registered: Feb 2008
whatdoto
♀ Member
Member # 28555
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:
My IC and I decided it was best to tell WH that I had filed. So I got up at 5:30AM, let the dogs out, started the coffee went back into the room, sat on the bed, held his hand and told him.

He was calm, but begging me to have the courthouse unfile the petition so it wouldn't show up in the newspaper. Told him "too late". He asked "what am I suppose to do?" Twice! First time I said, "you're a 45 year old man", 2nd time said "get a lawyer and let's divide up our stuff".

He should be served today, hopefully this AM as he is leaving early to cut hay.

He took MY truck to work, says it may be the last time he drives it. ?? Um, no, I don't want it, too expensive and is a gas guzzler.

So, all is calm. For now.
Waiting to tell DS and my mom.


"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, no, I don't want it, too expensive and is a gas guzzler.

Free advice from me to you: Don't tell him what you just told us. Let him think you want it, let it be a bargaining chip.

As for you telling him, it sounds like you did a good job telling him. That couldn't have been easy. Be gentle with yourself today.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9861 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sort of. He knew I was going to file, because I filed paperwork from both of us - in the court's eyes, we filed jointly for an uncontested divorce. He was never served. So he had already signed all the paperwork, but I didn't actually bother telling him when I went down to the courthouse to file it.

Found out from a mutual friend later that he never bothered to open his court summons. It didn't matter, since I was the plaintiff, so only I had to be at court, but seriously? Who the hell gets paperwork from a court and ignores it?!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who the hell gets paperwork from a court and ignores it?!

My STBX & his lawyer, that's who. They never responded to the petition. If MY lawyer had been on her game I could have had a default divorce 17 months ago. Instead the case lingered & died, getting dropped from the court calendar/docket whatever word fits due to inaction. I had to get a new lawyer six months later to shock the divorce back to life & get STBX & his dickhead lawyer moving.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9861 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, but for them... it was probably tactical. For my ex, he's just too lazy to open his mail.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did not; I made sure he was home and the processor served him there. It was the most effective and inexpensive way to do it.

His reaction? Pure surprise. I wasn't there at the time, but when I got home he said I was a bitch (only time in our relationship he'd ever said that to me)...he felt embarrassed because kids were there (um, serving consisted of a knock at the door and him receiving a blank envelope. didn't even register with kids). And he also said he didn't think I had the balls to do it, but was impressed.

WTFever.



Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2008
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember the POS texting me, "Hope you're happy. You finally hit me where it hurts."

Um, I could think of somewhere else I'd like to hurt you fucker..

He was calm, but begging me to have the courthouse unfile the petition so it wouldn't show up in the newspaper. Told him "too late". He asked "what am I suppose to do?" Twice! First time I said, "you're a 45 year old man", 2nd time said "get a lawyer and let's divide up our stuff".

So he's already more worried about his reputation than what he did to you and the marriage. And "What am I supposed to do?" Well that's his problem to figure out now.. FTG!!!


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2400 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 14

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