Topic: BS also a broken person?
Member # 38421
| Posted: 1:30 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013|
I have no research to back it up but I think broken people might be drawn to strong people. They are looking for someone to show them how life is done cause they are so f'd up they do t know how. They go along w the strong person & then get mad later in years when they think life has been unfair to them. They blame the strong person for making them miserable. Thats what happened to me.
Me: BS 53 Him: WH 51
M: 28 years - 29 now
DDay 11/25/12 TT 9/9/13
OW:20 yrs younger married co-worker
Kids: 2 teens
Posts: 170 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Dark Hell
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 2:04 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013|
If you are referring to why some BS desperately try to get their WS to stop the A and come back to them, well, not everyone does. There are a number on this site who were DONE when they discovered the A and filed or left right away.
Others, like me wanted the man I loved back. I wanted him to give up the OW. I fought furiously to get his to stop.
Was I broken? You bet your ass. I didn't want the OW to 'win'. How stupid is that? I wish I had walked away and never looked back.
That's all behind me now.
[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 2:05 PM, June 28th (Friday)]
I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.
Posts: 18912 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 30213
| Posted: 8:19 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
Sad...the word "win" got my attention...early in the A ...at a point where I HAD to be sure he was not going to contact her...we had a conversation during which he said "you won" That hit me like a fast moving truck...my whole perspective changed...I won...what???
Posts: 491 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 25560
| Posted: 10:06 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
While I had a pretty bad childhood, I thought I had left it all behind prior to meeting and marrying. My SAfWH's acting out and abuse brought it all back in a raging storm.
Whether he was indeed the sweet, loving man I thought he was when we married and MORPHED into the angry SOB that he became or if he was just pretending to be nice, IDK. He doesn't know. But his hobbies certainly caused me to become "broke." I am still trying to fix me.
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!
Posts: 2741 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Member # 24518
| Posted: 10:22 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
Add me to the club of broken people, when I met ex. I had/have FOO issues out the ass. He was a KISA, although neither of us knew that back then.
What happened over the years though, is that I dealt with my FOO issues, and became a stronger person who didn't need a KISA. Ex, otoh, still needed to be needed, and I think didn't see that me wanting him (vs. needing him to rescue me) was better.
Still, the dynamic was set early on in the relationship, and it obviously didn't stand up to the test of time.
As for being broken by his cheating, at the time I found out, I sure felt broken. But as it turns out, ex just broke my heart. He didn't break me.
Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Posts: 11859 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Member # 31030
| Posted: 10:51 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
I was, definitely. We had a fucked-up dynamic for a long time. We're working on that now.
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs
Posts: 738 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 34827
| Posted: 12:04 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
I don't think.I was broken but severely co-dependant, majoring in addicts . Well he was my first addict I tried to fix anyway. Even as teens, I felt like his mom sometimes. I was responsible, bought a car, had a job...he NO. He was a too cool bad boy and I couldn't stop myself from diving in
Trying to teach my DD's not to go out with someone if your first thought is....geez as soon as I fix and change him, he will be a real catch
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 12:07 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Posts: 3746 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 22870
| Posted: 12:54 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
I was very young when I met my wxh. I grew and matured as a person, he did not.
I was consumed with fixing him and helping him to grow and become a man. Until the A's.
I found that its better to cut bait and take care of me.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 6750 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 33698
| Posted: 4:18 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
I wouldn't call myself broken, but I was definitely immature. I was 19 years old and probably vulnerable because my college BF who had just graduated and left for med school wanted to see other people. Put those two things together, and I was ripe for my XWH's furiously romantic pursuit of me. I was a dumb kid who saw what she wanted to see and was in love with love. I vastly overestimated my XWH's character and romanticized him, but the A took the blinders off, and that's why our M is over.
I would say that the OW in my situation is definitely broken-- if what I know about her is right, she's coming out of a dysfunctional M as a SAHM without any job prospects and two little kids to support. She's latched onto XWH and plans to marry him since he has likely turned on the charm for her, and she really has nowhere else to go. I sometimes pity her, actually. I know what I've escaped, and she thinks she's entering Shangri-La.
BS (Me) 39
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3319 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 33867
| Posted: 9:48 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013|
In most cases or a lot of cases, the BS is very much in love and attracted to the WS during the A
I guess I am in the minority...I do not believe that I was in love with my WS during his affair, in my book he was an asshole.
My WH did not cheat because he was "broken" ~ he cheated because he was a selfish, arrogant, POS (asshole). He wanted to, he is proficient at lying, and he could. Period.
ME: 53 BS
HIM: 60 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 1887 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 14003
| Posted: 10:30 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013|
BS also a broken person?
I think the ones who desperately cling to their unremorseful, abusive WS are broken. Nobody, who is emotionally healthy, would ever consider putting up with the bullshit and certainly not for years and years like so many do.
"Some of us don't see people how they are, but how we need them to be".....quote from Uncertainone
Posts: 13277 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
|Topic Posts: 31|