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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: feel lower than a snake's belly...so sad
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How the hell did I get here???
Just last week he said he believed we are good, and our M is strong.

Now?? Silence.

Yesterday I told him that we need to put the decision about us on hold. Background: His Mom passed away on Memorial Day weekend (not unexpected) and he has to deal with his siblings. The memorial was agony for us, as our DS was there, and he and NW do not speak to us, and they brought our new DGS.

I told him he has a lot on his plate. And he says "yea, got a lot on my mind". WTF??? Aren't you suppose to share your feelings, and problems, with your fucking wife???? I just nodded.

We have to work together!!! Every freakin' day. I am checking out a broker to sell it, as that has been his goal (he's burnt out). Says he thinks I see him as my meal ticket! WTF!! I'm right here along side him.

I think he will be one of those who will just watch me walk out. No good-bye, no hugs, nada.

I am losing it just typing this!!

over 40 yrs and I am a nuisance to him????

But he still talks of future plans. Why???

Is he really THAT dense??

I so want to find someone to let me know I AM worth something RIGHT NOW!!! But madhatter is not a word I would like to add to my description. (No offense to those who are. It's just not me)

I just cannot put one foot in front of the other. And I WILL NOT say a word to him about this!! NOT NOT NOT!!!!!

What's funny is that I have moved on from his EA. The aftermath is what is blowin' this puppy up!!!!

I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!!!!

Please help me.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1306 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm confused; you want to put the decision (about D I assume) on hold--for whom? Him because he's going through a lot of shit? Or for you because you don't want a D?

If you are doing it for him because he has a lot on his plate, so what? Life is tough. There will always be a lot on his plate.

If it's because you don't want the D, then why this:

I just cannot put one foot in front of the other. And I WILL NOT say a word to him about this!! NOT NOT NOT!!!!!

If you want to R, communication is vital. If you want out, the 180 is your friend. What do you really want?


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20313 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad

I do NOT a D, BUT I am also tired of him throwing that in my face. If it's not what he really wants then there are other words to use for your frustration. Even after all the MC communication is still not his strongest suit!!

I told him to put it on hold b/c, if this is where we are headed, I want to make sure it is it's own subject. Not jumbled with all the other shit going down. Does that make sense?? After all this time together I think we need to be able to work thru it without all the other family drama, which will die down once his Mom's stuff is completed.

I'm not saying it will be all stoic, quite the opposite, but there is a lot at stake here, and I don't want to get shafted!!

Since I didn't know last week that I would be here this week I do not have any D mind-set, and figure I will do everything wrong.

I think it's gonna take a little bit for me to wrap my head around this avenue.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1306 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly what you are talking about. After the A we tried to R for two years. It wasn't even the A that caused us to divorce. It was the fact that he never communicated with me and never made me feel like I was special or important to him.

He was always cranky at home and made me feel like I was part of why he wasn't happy. He used to say "this isn't where I pictured my life being". Really, a good home and wonderful family wasn't what you wanted??

So yes I understand and they are huge issues that need to be worked out if you are going to R, otherwise they can shut the whole thing down.

Good luck!!


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok; you want to put it on hold because he's under stress, but you feel like you'll get the shaft if you go forward? I'd say you'd have the upper hand. But if I'm reading this right, you want to put it on hold hoping that he'll change his mind/attitude and decide to not D.

My experience has been the opposite; when I tried to take the pressure off the X, he took wild advantage of the situation and continued to behave like an ass. You know what's right for you, but if it were me and knowing what I know, I'd go forward with the D/180. Don't help him with the family shit. He may realize how badly he needs you and pull his head out of his ass. Or you may just get out of a bad situation.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20313 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are 2 reasons I could get the shaft right now:

1. I am not in the D mind-set so I could screw myself!

2. He could be a real ass right now and not agree to anything, and blow it all up.

Our business is our livelyhood and retirement. If he walks out, the business goes into the toilet, and I get nothing. If I get the ducks lined up, wait a little bit, then he might be more apt to be agreeable and I won't have to live in my car! My plan is to have him buy my half, and not wait till we have a buyer. But that is a HUGE debt, and not something he would do in his present state of mind.

And I don't have everything ready to go yet.

I am also doing nothing for his family. Got burned early, and have stayed out of it for a while now. Just listen, give my opinion (can't help that ) and tell him to do what's best for himself.

How do you go from thinking it's just another agrument to planning on D in just a few days?

What is wrong with my head????


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1306 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Topic Posts: 6

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