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Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

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User Topic: Slow, but sure
GSmom
♀ New Member
Member # 38091
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Though I visit this site often and read the stories of others (great support and helpful as I think about my own situation) I have only posted once, and that was back in January. I was feeling so guilty about trying to find 'evidence' of what I felt was happening with my H. Those who responded told me that I wasn't crazy, wasn't wrong, wasn't being disrespectful of his privacy - which I knew but didn't believe. Though it was hard to read the opinions, they were right on. He was engaged in contacting OW and he was doing his best to hide it.

Fast forward to today, and my reason for this post. I just want to say that though it has taken me all these months to 'live' with his lies I have stepped up and confronted him with 'some' of what I know and told him I don't want to live with him and he can move out - go 'live' with her, or his brother, or by himself. Doesn't matter to me. I just can't let him be here with me under these conditions any longer.

There's a lot to this story that I haven't mentioned, but I'm writing this because I feel pretty good about myself to be able to say this to him and mean it. When I compare my panic back in January when I wrote that first post to now, I can see how all of the people whose stories I've been reading have helped me find ways to believe in my self and my own self worth.

Though I see an IC, it's these forums that have been the most helpful and informative for me.

So, just my thanks.


Me=BS (60+)
Him=WS (65)
DDay1 = 6/25/2007, lopsided EA with former hs classmate
DDay? (so many in between as he never really stopped contact or trying to get with her) = 7/7/2013

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: midwest
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad that you have processed the situation. It sounds like your request to him is based on what you need and not on a "can I make him change" attempt. I am glad that the folks here were helpful to you much as I found them to be helpful to me when I was dealing with infidelity. Best of luck on your next steps.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51940 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
featherweight
♀ Member
Member # 22690
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((GSmom))
I'm glad you found the strength you needed to make the changes that seem to be right for you. Reading your story, I see a lot of what I'm doing - ignoring a "friendship" that gets explained and covered often. Though my WH hasn't had an affair with this woman, it's definitely crossing a boundary that I'm not comfortable with. My WH is also a man who values his independence and seems capable of about 70% - so I know how it hurts when it seems that someone else is getting any of that portion.

Glad to hear you are on a road that leads to a more peaceful life. I agree, the advice is hard to take at times, but often is right on.


Me:BS 41, WH 40 Married almost 10yrs
our precious little DD is almost 5.
WH had EMA with CoWorker for 2+yrs. D-day 12/08, separated 18mos.
R started 2010, decided to live together again after 18mo, very hard to trust again. Still trying.

Posts: 383 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: FL
GSmom
♀ New Member
Member # 38091
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Featherweight. I read your profile story and it does sound familiar. This on-going affair my H has been maintaining is an EA, to the best of my knowledge. We live thousands of miles from where the OW lives. She is an old high school person he dated once or twice. They have been in contact, on and off, over the last 6 years but it seems to have stepped up in intensity these last 8 months. Probably why I've lived with the knowledge for so long because I was never sure it wasn't 'just a friendship' and I hated to think of myself as so insecure as to be so suspicious. And it's taken me a long time to really believe that it isn't about me.

I have finally understood the concept of boundaries and been able to define some for me and what I want and don't want. It's baby steps, but a start.


Me=BS (60+)
Him=WS (65)
DDay1 = 6/25/2007, lopsided EA with former hs classmate
DDay? (so many in between as he never really stopped contact or trying to get with her) = 7/7/2013

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 4

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