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User Topic: Should I be worried about his new job?
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've known about my wbf's lies and cheating for four months. I'm just now starting to post here about it. We live together, and this is the third relationship I've had, where the man lied and cheated. This time, I found myself becoming numb (in the beginning). Maybe for survival? Anyway, he started a new job this week. I've been beyond hesitant about anything new, because I see everything as a risk now. In reality, I know it all boils down to him, and who he wants to be ...but I'm also well aware that most affairs start in the workplace. His last place of business was safe. No women. But unfortunately no work either. This new place was perfect, even gave him a bonus to start asap. He told me upfront that a woman did work there, but I had nothing to worry about. She was old beyond her time, stringy hair, rough skin, a smoker, essentially trying to make me feel secure in that she would never be a threat. First day of work, and I meet him for lunch. I have a chance to see her, and she's dressed in a tank top and jean shorts, hair that looks like mine, is younger than me, and apparently spends her day hanging over the guys, when her phone isn't ringing. So now I'm pissed. I feel lied to. And now I'm back to being stressed. Am I being paranoid??? How should I feel and be reacting to this? I want normal again! I want peace! Should I just give up and walk away? He claims he had no idea he'd have to work with her. He tells me he'd quit if he can find ANOTHER job. But seriously? I don't want a man who avoids women altogether. I want a man I can trust. Do any of you see this work thing as a red flag, or am I over reacting because its all still so new, and I'm just now really trying to deal (or run).


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Jun 2013
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was old beyond her time, stringy hair, rough skin, a smoker, essentially trying to make me feel secure in that she would never be a threat. First day of work, and I meet him for lunch. I have a chance to see her, and she's dressed in a tank top and jean shorts, hair that looks like mine, is younger than me, and apparently spends her day hanging over the guys, when her phone isn't ringing. So now I'm pissed. I feel lied to.

You only feel lied to? You were lied to. The red flag is your wbf's lying. That is a dynamic that needs to change if you are ever to be able to trust him. The lie might have been to keep you from getting upset even though he wasn't going to do anything wrong, but this thought process can also lead to a slippery slope of bigger lies.

[This message edited by MovingUpward at 8:52 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52763 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right. He did lie. Again. And all this week, the hard part is trying to figure out what it means for me and us. If I want to try and make things work with him...what can I do to make him see I won't tollorate the lying? I've already said to myself, if I make him move out...if it comes to that, I won't ever let him back in. Does anyone else struggle with what's a justified deal breaker?


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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