Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Eyes (45069)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: More Lies Vent
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Shocked  Posted: 10:01 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


WH has been lying to me about how much him an OW are in contact at work. I read the emails, she still tells him things like how awesome he is.

This is the woman that wanted to continue things with him after finding out he had a pregnant wife and a child.

his emails to her were too friendly for my taste. one of them said how he had done something on one of the projects so it would be faster and easier for her. That's how he phrased it to her 'so it'll be faster and easier for you.'

Why couldn't he just sending the effing files without having to include crap like that!?

I found those emails in the deleted bin, as well.

After him telling me that he NEEEEEEVER deletes anything.


The work email is the only one I don't have constant access to. I have access to his home email, his phone and ipad when I want them, and our wireless account information.


I found out he lied to me about the location of his new job too.

He knows how important honesty is to me, that our marriage is on very thin ice, but he just can't stop himself.

I feel so disgusted


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I'm going thru a discovery of a big lie from my FWH (not an OW thank god) and I am just not sure that he really gets how much respect I have lost for him. It's just devastating, isn't it. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4857 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some people are incapable of honesty. They are compulsive, pathological liars. I've been married to one. It's astounding how they lie about every single thing. Everything.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9715 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could tell you what to do. The aftermath can be so much worse than DD, especially when they keep lying. WH is long gone as far as I know but the work partners who were his partners in crime are still there. They were awful to me after having known me for decades. It pisses me off more than I can express that he is still on friendly terms with enemies of our marriage. I want them gone. I don't know how you deal with OW in the office. Is there any alternative in sight for you?


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1531 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lies keep me planted in misery for sure.

(((twodoves))) I'm so sorry you found there was more contact. I'm not sure if you have been asked this or not but have you asked him to leave his job?

I know there is no way I could handle that. My WH was MOW's employer and I still gave him the ultimatum of fire her or lose me. He fired her and took the risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit too, idiot


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's looking for a new job and has an interview tomorrow, but he already lied to me about that too. He lied to me about the location of it.

He knows how much is on the line and he won't stop lying


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh I know what you mean. I still catch mine in lies too. As I have set consequences for what I will or will not put up with, I haven't caught him as much.

My WH has serious FOO issues. Grew up with an abusive mother and learned to lie to survive sometimes, but it sure doesn't help in this situation.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Have you talked to him about what you discovered?


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The gist of what he said when confronted is that lying is a knee jerk reaction that he does to make people feel better.

I can't take the lies anymore.

He swore to me last night that he's done lying. This is it. One more experience like this and i feel divorce is our only option.

I've been telling him to please be honest with me, it's the only way we can work on things.. It's the most basic building block.

He knows how much is at stake and he still LIES. He knows how close I am to taking my girls and leaving.

And of all people, that effing woman


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are your boundaries here? You can't change his behavior; only he can make that choice.

What behavior will you accept? What behavior will you not accept? What will you do if he continues to lie? IMO, I think leaving, or better yet, making him leave, is a perfectly valid choice.

My FWH still works with the OW, and the lying about their interactions would be a dealbreaker for me. They are no longer allowed to have a relationship that I don't get to know about.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8816 | Registered: Jan 2008
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He wrote a NC letter, i revised it, we sent it to her this morning.

My heart is broken all over again.

He cared more about her feelings than mine.

I knew he didn't truly end things with her. We even talked about her in marriage counseling.


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. It's so completely unacceptable. I'd consider telling him to quit. Today. And just guage his reaction to that. Working together can be the death knell for recovery. It is very, very hard to end the affair and end the attachment when they still see one another.

His lying is another issue, and needs to be addressed in IC.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6494 | Registered: Jan 2011
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We can't afford for him to quit without another job lined up or i would have asked him to immediately.

It sucks


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.