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User Topic: It doesn't last long does it!
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Angry  Posted: 1:49 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought my WH had finally gotten it. I thought we made a breakthrough. WH has had a bad flu lately and I have been taking care of him (which is making me angry just thinking about how OW never had to do this yet thinks their love is forever ). Well I woke up today just so emotionally exhausted and mentally too. I tried to communicate nicely with WH and said that maybe from now when we bring up the A rather than you thinking about how it hurts you maybe try to think of how it hurts me. You know what his answer was?

"Are we STILL talking about an A from a year ago!" I hung up the phone just speechless and then of course my slew of texts to him.

I feel close to done. I know I don't want to be with this man, this man who says things like that to me. I guess I never knew this side of my WH until his latest A and aftermath.. Either that or he has changed for the worse, but whatever it is I'm not going to stay in this situation forever. I'm started to realize this is a losing battle and I'm not sure I care to fight for my M anymore.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh hell no!

YES you are STILL talking about an A from a year ago!

Any kind of behavior that suggests one should "get over it" makes me BOILING mad!!

((((((((crazyblindsided))))))))

Time for 180?


Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for 180?

Yep I am back to 180

He thinks that by telling me, I am everything in his world and that if he didn't have me he would have nothing, that I should be movin' on past this A more quickly.

I have IC today thank god. Our M is in serious need of MC to help us communicate better. I don't think he is allowing me to communicate and when I do he either shuts down, evades or gets upset. Sometimes, very rarely he will talk about the A with no emotion, but it is few and far between.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well my IC said we need MC immediately and one who is willing to discuss my WH's A's. I asked my WH if he would be up for it and he said he would be if it means us moving forward, but if we are still discussing the past then no.

I am stark raving mad and want nothing to do with him right now! I even told him well then you made my decision for me and I cannot stay in this M if you think this way. WTF!!!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((crazy blindsided)))
I swear sometimes I wonder how they got this far in life it seems like common sense to us


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Crazy

I am sorry your husband's statement hurt you so. It is unfathomable to me that they could even go there but they do bc they want to just forget about what they have done. Rugsweeping.

A year is nothing. Try 2 - 5 years buddy and then yes, I still may want to talk about it so either man up and deal with it or just let me know you are not capable and we can move on.

He HAS to want to change and help you heal.

And a thank you for taking care of you when you were sick would have been nice too.

I understand your anger. My WH had me take his parents to the airport about 5 days post DDay. I asked why his whore couldn't take them? I am sure they'd love to meet her.

Take control, set your boundaries and 180 his ass.

Good luck.

Keep moving.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1222 | Registered: Apr 2013
laney57
♀ Member
Member # 35617
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you. It is BS and makes me angry to read your post. Stay on it though! I can't believe I'm giving advise.. But I have comppletelystopped talking about it unless I'm in tears. A few times here and there and then to get that reaction is where I was 4 months ago. I disgust myself for being to this point...Now we arein IN House separation and I despise him and myself. What a fake! Sorry for the rant. You've got this!


Update 09/28/14
Me - BS, 44
Him - WH, 46
Married - 23 years
D-Day - 05/12/2012
Trying to find me still
Gotta do this, but I'm broken - headed for divorce - 02/20
Hell if I know - 02/24
Divorcing 09/28/14

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2012 | From: KY
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGH he says he wants MC to help us get out of the rut we are in. He wants to help me move on so I'm not hurting everyday . I'm going to just schedule a MC session and throw caution to the wind. Either way the only way forward will be to put this A to rest and I'm sure MC will want to discuss the A(s) as we have both had them and he is going to have to suck it up.

I don't mind discussing mine. I took it when WH called me names and I always listened and did what he asked for. I have written him a letter for my apology and gave him over 25 reasons, besides the kids or I love you, for why I want to be married to him.

He has never done those things for me. He has answered some, but not all and it makes him really uncomfortable to talk about it.

I just don't understand how I can be so willing to be open about the RA I had, but with him it's like pulling teeth.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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