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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Yesterday broke my heart...
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((WB)) Your thread just brings up all the thoughts we all have about what a destructive waste infidelity brings, even to the WS. It's no wonder you're sad - it's such a waste, one that never had to happen.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4928 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wb)))I'm sorry, it is sad to see such potential wasted. I felt that about my XSO also....

Many times, things that mess us up as children will stay buried deep inside until our 40's or even 50's or so unless we work to dig it out.....growing up in an alcoholic home always leaves some marks. I think of it as the string getting stretched terribly tight when we are children. It is always ready to break, it is just a matter of time. When there isn't a lot of stress added to the string, it will last longer, but it will eventually bust.

She never did the work to reinforce the string (true counseling, truly working thru her issues....look....if she is doing the 12 steps, step 9 says to make amends EXCEPT where it would hurt. Her coming to you, when you are in a happy relationship, to tell you she loves you and wants back together, shows she is STILL not working those steps honestly.....

It is sad, she is a mess. But at this point, she is a mess of her own making, and right now, she really is only feeling sorry for herself....not for the damage she has done to you. She still has a lot of work to do.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15117 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I'm sorry wb, that must have been difficult. You handled it well.

Now I'm still interested in the reconnection to KD when you are ready to share...


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4380 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After her text bomb and then her surprise show up yesterday I at first felt sorry then I got pissed once I thought about it...

I sent a text back telling her I'm pissed... I'm pissed that she's wasting time...

I told her I'm not a knight in shining armor.. I'm no savior or saint...

As gma said... Buck up cowgirl... This life ain't for sissies...

She can roll over and die or she can be someone... Her choice...

It ain't on me...

Lordy...

Focusing on us, we, me? That's like worrying about the ants when the gators are eating your feet...

I'm pissed...

Carry on...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5952 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO NOT ENGAGE WB!!

Don't give her the opportunity to give you the sob story. She sacked you from that job.she deserves no more of your emotion.

Crickets lest you get sucked back into the vortex.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5448 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB,

You cannot survive with an NPD partner UNLESS you are a CoDe. That is a survival mechanism for anyone in a relationship with NPD.

My therapist has an analogy she uses, That when we give so much of ourselves to one person they will always have a key to our heart. We tend to change the lock on the front door, but they still have the key to back door.

Your XW just used her key to the back door of your heart.

Her coming to you is all on her. You didn't give her an inch into your life... there is no need to. (Don't do it now...-crickets) Your life is good, you are in a good place. She doesn't get to waltz to your front door, say a few words and gain entrance to your heart. If she wants to prove to you she has changed, there are ways to do it without coming to your front door and announcing it. Just saying this outloud may help you realize that while she has had some very bad experiences since you split - What has really changed? What actions has she taken to show YOU she has changed? I know you don't always travel in the same social circles, but there are people who know of both of you. She can find you... if she chose to. Think about it for a bit... you are not making yourself invisible.

You need to feel your way thru the emotions she brought up in you. You've done it before, you know how to do it.

The good news is once you go thru them the first time.. each time after it doesn't take as much to get thru them to regain that feeling of balance again.

Looking forward to hearing more about KD from a balanced WB.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4860 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((WB))

that would send me over the edge mad. it used to rip me apart when X would do that. then i started getting pissed. how dare he drag me in to his emotional drama years later? He should've sucked it up and dealt with life 5 years ago.

Just a lot of water...


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How sad, fustrating, and an excellent example of what bad choices will do to a person.

I told her I'm not a knight in shining armor.. I'm no savior or saint...
Isn't it great when you can finally say this and mean every word ? Your in a good place because you did the work to get there WB !

Focusing on us, we, me? That's like worrying about the ants when the gators are eating your feet...
Ain't that the TRUTH !!

She's only worth a minute of being pissed off and then time to go back to your awesome life.

Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20323 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With NPD's, the behavior is always about them. THEM.

Respond with crickets. Vent/post on SI if you feel the need (see my "kids are gone for 2 weeks thread". I vent here when I'm frustrated and crickets to ex.)

It is sad, but you are correct, it is her life, she is an adult and therefore makes her own choices.

Hang in there.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4041 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WB)))

Just never easy to see that. I'm so sorry, and I hope she get's the help she needs.


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18725 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
Topic Posts: 30
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