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User Topic: We are the only ones that care!
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realized yesterday that I am the only one that cares that my WH cheated on me.

I am the only one that mourns the loss of my husband...the man that I married..the one he used to be.

I am the ONLY one that is hurt by his betrayal.

I am the only one that feels a pain so deep and acute that I feel like scooping my heart out with a spoon.

I realize that the OW's husband might feel pain, and sadness, but then again...do we really know if the AP's spouse feels the same? Maybe they dont care?

I know my WH certainly doesnt feel the impact of his betrayal. He says he never thinks about it. He has told me that he used to feel bad about it but its been so long since that happened (6 months). He thinks it just happened and we are fine.

I KNOW that his coworkers in his department and the people at work dont care. I was told by someone in his dept that there is a rumor going around that they had an affair, but neither my WH or the slut who ruined my life has felt any consequences...they still have the same friends. There was even a friend of the sluts and my WH that told them that he HATES cheaters (she got cheated on) but yesterday still asked my WH if they worked together and why he got moved to another group (he asked to move to make things better for us). Instead of telling her because he WANTED to move groups he told her he didnt know why he got moved. He doesnt make it know that he HATES the slut OW. Because maybe he doesnt.

My parents and family and friends who know about the A dont REALLY care.

I mean why would other people care its not their life.

I just feel crappy that I am the ONLY person that seems to be affected by this. The OW, the whore that she is, gets to keep all of her friends, and keep her "nice person, happily married" reputation that she has and virtually goes unaffected by her being a whore and opening her legs. And my WH gets to keep his family and act like nothing happened. All my family are telling me not to bring it up to him, and to move on.

I hate it. I hate that this person at work (who was supposed to hate cheaters since she knows how painful it is) STILL is asking about my WH and the OW working together like they are a freaking couple.

I hate this. I feel so alone. Every day is like waking up to a knife in the heart.

[This message edited by heartbroken2012 at 7:53 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jan 2013
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Heartbroken))

I feel that way most days. The message I get now from family, from wh is...

" its in the past, it happened 3yrs ago quit talking about it. your making everyone miserable and uncomfortable. Get over it and shut up already."

They don't trigger over it. have nightmares reliving it. They haven't cried almost everyday for 3yrs...they weren't lie to, misled and gutted. It didn't happen to them.

I recently reconnected with a friend from high school. Some how the topic of cheating came up. She made it clear she thought staying with a cheater was giving them a pass. Saying it was ok. I told her i was cheated on and stayed. Haven't heard from her...

So im not the one who cheated but im not worth her time and weak because i stay. Whatever!

Any how i get it. Its lonely. Its isolating.


Together 21yrs married 18yrs
2 kids, now 19 & 16
Bw: now 38
Wh: now 37
Mow: now 50
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1079 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand. while I can empathize with you, I, or anyone else can never feel what you're feeling because it's yours and you are unique. still, I, and practically everyone here can feel with you, as well as for you.

people outside this, that haven't gone through it may have trouble "caring". be it from lack of personal experience with infidelity or not wanting to get involved, or in their minds justifying what they've experienced in their own lives.

he used to feel bad about it but its been so long since that happened (6 months). He thinks it just happened and we are fine.


sigh. he'd feel differently if you went and maxed out a credit card in one day then didn't pay the bill for six months..... "it's been so long since that happened..."

. Instead of telling her because he WANTED to move groups he told her he didnt know why he got moved.

of course he didn't tell her the real reason... he didn't want the shame/embarrassment that goes along with it. he apparently cares what others think of him, even though he's not showing you that he cares what YOU think of him.

.do we really know if the AP's spouse feels the same?

we don't. and that's okay. I know it's hard, but that's one worry/thought that we can and should let go. just like you're relationship and feelings with your H is none of anyone elses business, neither is his to you. feel for him whether or not he cares or not. save a place of compassion for him whether or not he cares or not. you just don't know, just like he will never know how you feel.

your feelings are valid and unique and shouldn't be devalued because people who don't support you or understand the situation can't empathize with you.

((heartbroken2012)) you're not alone.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are the only ones that care!

You are so right. And that co-worker is an idiot.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so true! That's why I put up with the shit I put up with. No one has walked in my shoes and everyone says I should be "over it" by now. No, they don't care. But, everyone on SI does. Thankfully!!!


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know my WH certainly doesnt feel the impact of his betrayal. He says he never thinks about it. He has told me that he used to feel bad about it but its been so long since that happened (6 months). He thinks it just happened and we are fine.

YES! My wh and I were going round and round last night. I told him just because he doesn't have the b*lls to bring stuff up or to tell me he knows I am hurting doesn't mean that his chickie and affair aren't front and center most days.

Only my bestest friend in the world knows in real life. Another dear friend suspected and skirted the issue, but she's passed away.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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