Just a rambling thought while on some pretty good pain pills last week.....
I am currently fighting a very painful case of shingles, in case you have never heard of or had a reason to research them, they come from the dormant virus of childhood chickenpox, more or less.
Lots of theories of weak immune system due to stress, injury, meds..... I am on a med for RA that does weaken the immune system. so I am going with that one :).
Ok, for me it started with a blistering rash, which I thought was poison ivy. I had been weeding some flower beds and had pulled some PI. I also thought I was protected because I was wearing gloves and washed my hands and arms thoroughly when finished.
So you may ask.... SoCo? What the hell does this have to do with infidelity? well here ya go........
Prior to the rash breakout, I was having some minor pain, thought it was just muscle aches. Youknow like when you have something going on that you know is wrong, strange, different than the normal aches and or pains of everyday life....
But you tell yourself it is just.... Your imagination, old age, over doing.....
Then BAM all of a sudden you are blindsided with this extremely painful, visible in your face rash???!!!! (ok, not on my face) but you see where I am going with this?? You have that aha moment when all those strange feelings, silly twinges are explained, well now.... That explains a lot? now I understand. (DDay )
So now you go into what the hell mode, the rash starts to spread to other parts of your body, it burns, it itches, your own body has turned against you. The body you thought you knew so well?
You start to research for what caused it, how to treat it, what gets rid of it! IC, MC, SI, separation/divorce?
You just want the pain to stop. You can not get comfortable and it depend's on where on your body you have the blisters you may not be able to sit, wear certain clothing, you can 't eat, sleep nothing short of pain meds stops the pain.
But then we all know there is no true pain medication that can stop the pain of infidelity right? So we continue to move through it, hoping it will lessen with time and proper care.
Well after a while the blisters stop forming, they burst and form scabs. ( gross I know) then you start to worry about the scars? Will you even have scars? will you get shingles again? Cause damn they sure do hurt. Are there ways to prevent them? Control that possibility? ( ah, no by the way there is not, and you can get them more than once). multiple DDays. Trickle Truths.
There is by the way a vaccine shot to prevent and I would highly recommend asking your doctor about it. From what I understand it usually strike's those of us of a certain age, 40 to 50 folks. (But can not always. public announce over)
OKay so now you are left with the healing of scabs, you may bump against something, someone, move the wrong way and bam there is that pain again. Triggers?
You put on lotion, potions, soak in every homeopathic substance (oatmeal) you can get your hands on. but again, damit you still have that painful reminder.
Pain that can last for years, yes I said years!!!!! is it the same for everyone? nope, each case is different according to what I have read.
So I am now at the end of the scabbing phase ( 3.5 weeks out and 3.5 years from DDay) learning to live with what they call the phantom pains? nerve ending pricks of pain in the spot where you have the rash.
Again with the triggers and Antiversary dates, the moving ahead one step at a time, moving further and further away from the rawness.
Even learning to laugh at myself and this strange condition. Imagine spending several days laid across an ottoman to watch TV, eat, not being able to let even the air touch your back, back side??? trying to hold a mirror in one hand while applying soothing ointment with the other all while looking in a second mirror making everything backwards and .... Well you get it right?
Well life sure is strange sometimes isn't it?