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User Topic: I hate when ow Is "nice"
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As you all know, our kids still play together and I have to deal with her. Today she texted me, when I was about to leave for work, to invite my boys to go go carting with them. Of course, my boys wanted to go and I said "hmm my Bbsitter just got here" and she said "oh, you shouldn't have gotten a sitter. Silly for you to have to pay for one "
Set me into a bad mood. I said "I don't know what to say to that. Our relationship isn't the same anymore. In not going to ask you to watch my kids" and she basically said dont worry about it. Ugh this sucks


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.

I don't know how you have anything to do with her. Honestly. She sounds like a psycho for doing what she did and now trying to act as if you are still BFFs. Delusional.

I understand that the kids are friends, but it would be a cold day in hell before I ever sat at a play date with her or communicated with her in order to set one up. I also would never trust her with my children or let them over her house.

All play dates would start at my house and someone other than OW would drop them off.

I commend you for trying your best to put up with this for the sake of the kids. But, please know that this can stop when you say and you don't have to continue to eat her shit sandwiches just cuz the kids are friends.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2693 | Registered: Jan 2011
Ghostrider
♂ Member
Member # 32604
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how you do it. I don't care about my WW's OMs, but if I had to encounter then everyday, I'd D her instantly. I don't need that betrayal thrown in my face.


BH (me)
WW (her)
Negative, GhostRider, the pattern is full.

Posts: 410 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: United States
traditoperanni
♀ Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! I don't know how you can stomach this.
Maybe you ought to have a sit down with her and put the cards on the table. Tell her that only because your kids are friends is there any kind of contact and that no way in he'll are your kids EVER going to be alone with her. Any play dates will be with you and a short email to make arrangements will do. As far as you're concerned she does not exist.
Anyone who thinks f***ing your h is
Not going to have any consequences is dekusional. If she can't agree to that then have her kids find some new friends. Make sure your WH is on board with this.
She is not being nice she being
manipulative. It's time you take
control of the play dates. Hopefully,
in time your kids will find new
playmates. Take care.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been IMing OW about OC recently.

After YEARS of harassment, and calling me every name in the book, she had the nerve to tell me:

"Have a safe trip."

I wanted to tell her:

"Die in a fire."

Uggggh.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2148 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what are you doing?
seriously.

cut off contact. so what if your kids are friends with her kids?

there are repercussions for these kinds of things. One of them is your bff is not in your life anymore.

how is it helping your kids for you to do this? How do you think they will feel later on when they find out about it?

so the kids are innocent. big deal. protect yourself, protect your family.

Wow. I am actually angry.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey, she is being nice to you because then she can act like what she did is no big deal. How could it be when she's so nice and she can act like you're still friends? She is manipulating the situation to make herself feel better. It has nothing to do with caring about you or the kids.

NC = no new hurts applies here. I wouldn't deal with her in any way. The kids can still be friends at school but that doesn't mean you have to allow her into your life.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4911 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she texted you, why did your kids get involved at all? That's the beauty of texting, IMO. It's a mode of conversation you can pretty much control completely how private you want it to be. So she texts to invite the kids to do something. Text back, "no, thank you." And delete it. Your kids don't ever need to know anything about it. And it's absolutely none of her business if you have a babysitter, if you have plans, or if you're just going to be sitting in your house imagining her painful, fiery death. You don't owe her any explanations.

"No." Is a complete sentence. "No thanks " is a little more polite but is also a complete sentence.

Take your power back.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2654 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it sucks why do you continue to do it? If you can not trust this woman why do you allow your children to go places with her? She fucked your husband and you let your children go places with her? You think a person with so little care and respect for you her former best friend, her husband and her own children should be anywhere near your kids or watching them or taking them places?? She clearly is a poor decision maker, she obviously puts her own needs first....what if she decides to go screw a new om while your kids are playing with hers and in her care? What if she is sexting some new om and is not watching the kids? Fuck that. She is not trustworthy. That is reason alone to put an end to your children's friendship with her children. You have to be smart for your kids and it is your responsibility to protect them from bad things and that includes bad families and influences and potential dangers....what if her next oms wife shows up while your kids are there and goes ballistic and something awful happens?

[This message edited by NoMorDeceit at 12:50 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 464 | Registered: Apr 2009
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry I am mad, it's just I was thinking of how you must have been jerked around to the point that you are doing this.
It sounds really co-dependant. Like you are so worried about all of them that you are NOT taking care of yourself so you can recover and taking care of your self so you can feel safe.

These are really important things. Who cares what OW and her kids want?

OW can step it up and find other kids for her kids to play with. That is HER job and part of your jobs is not letting OW "nice" you around.

eff her.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 2:06 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I take it she was a friend? WHORE!

Fuck her, get a sitter every time. She started sucking after she fucked your H.

If the kids are THATCLOSE, let assclown dad work those deets out...otherwise, "Sorry, we just can't tonight" (you bottom dwelling scum sucker).



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's not nice...she's gloating.

"Look at me..I can fuck your husband and you will STILL allow me around your kids."

She still has a window into your life...into YOUR husband's life.

She's the cat that ate the canary.

Honey...gentle 2x4 here....at this point..it is not your WH's contact with the OW that is going to destroy your family...it's yours. You allowing this woman in your life,around your kids,IS causing you problems..IS causing your marriage problems...IS causing your family problems..therefore it IS causing your kids problems. YOU must go NC. YOU.

And NMD made an excellent point. You can NOT possibly trust this woman with your kids..right? She has proven she is rather untrustworthy..wouldn't you say?


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything you all say is true. And if I wasn't the only one on my planet (meaning my H, family, etc) that gets it, then I would have support. But I do not. If I sever ties, to my kids BFF, who live a bike ride down the street, who they see very day, I will be the bad guy. So, this will be my story forever until one of us moves. I have accepted that, I just have to vent to someone. And that someone is my si friends. Actually, my mom is supportive too. She at least gives me sympathy. When I told my h I was down because of the interaction he said "did she actually do anything" I said "no she just exists. I wish she would die" and he said "I see". He does not get it and won't ever get it. I have accepted that. Won't do me well in the long run I know.


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not envy the hell you are in. I simply cannot imagine it. My brain cannot even compute it.

It stops when you say it stops.

It is clear that you are unwilling to make it stop right now.

No judgement - I've been there in a different way myself. I would say most of us have. It is unbelievable the sacrifices we make to 'make it work'. These sacrifices can keep an M together but the cost is too high. Far too high.

For me. No way in fucking hell. The X did not share my POV on a lot of this kind of stuff post-DD. That is one of the reasons he is an X. I was unwilling to risk a DD2 - he was and is a bad bet.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5398 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
LadyYoga
♀ Member
Member # 28611
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I am sacrificing. Most days, I am ok. I treat her as any other kids friend parent that I don't know well. . I only text and I ignore her when I see her. It's very weird. It's like I am texting a ghost. But , for the most part, it works. Actually, now that I think of it, I saw her yesterday and maybe that's why it was harder. She looked awful. She is not an attractive lady. Seeing her is what triggers me. Not the texting.


BS (me) 39
WH 50
DD,DS,DS
D-day 3/11/10 (3 month EA,1 week PA)
Whore was my best friend

Posts: 700 | Registered: May 2010
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

momof3gbb

I could not do this.
Why isn't your spouse supportive of you? Does he not see this is wrong to put you thru this?
kids are kids they can make ne friends. Put the house on the market rent it out and get out of there.


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3180 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know how you do it. I have to see the OW sometimes at work and it makes me want to puke.

I dont want anything to do with her, and is she was my friend or my kids friends...I would have to move.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 544 | Registered: Jan 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No.


It is NOT "working,for the most part."

It works for awhile,because you rugsweep. And,every few weeks..or months...you have a huge setback because of some form of communication with the OW.


I understand not wanting to hurt the kids..I get that you feel it will be YOUR fault because if you could *just* get over the affair she had with your WH,then the kids will be ok,and get to keep their friends.

You didn't create this Hell...your WH did. This is a direct result of HIS actions and choices. What you are feeling is completely normal....ANY BW would have a problem if they were in your situation.

You need to stop sacrificing your sanity,your healing,your health. Your kids deserve a whole,happy,healthy mother. You can not be all of that if you are still in contact with the OW..it is destroying you.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I sever ties, to my kids BFF, who live a bike ride down the street, who they see very day, I will be the bad guy. So, this will be my story forever until one of us moves.

Very gently, these two statements are false. These two statements are a lie. You've been tricked into believing them.

First, you were never the bad guy, and are not the bad guy. I think pretty much all of us posting here agree that interacting with OW is doing direct self harm to you. You do not have to have any interaction with her or her kids.

One thing I learned in my recovery is what other people think is none of my business. I can't control that. So, I make decisions that are moral and honorable and with integrity.

Second, this does not need to be your story forever. Why? I know you think your kids don't know anything...but they do. They can tell when you are upset.

You can have an honest conversation with the kids that goes something like:

When people are best friends they make special promises to each other. OW broke the special promise she had with me. It really, really hurt me. Because of that I am choosing to not spend time with OW anymore.

That means that you kids can play with those kids when you see them outside. It also means that we won't be going inside each others' houses anymore.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2605 | Registered: Jan 2010
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Chrysalis said -- it's right on the money.

The OW is not nice to you. She is not even "nice". She's freaking evil. Cut her out of your life.

Big hugs, momof3. I'm so sad for you and the way the A and this horrible OW are hurting you. I know you want to do the right thing for your kids. Taking care of yourself, and keeping them out of her house, *is* the right thing.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 840 | Registered: Sep 2012
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