I don't know how you have anything to do with her. Honestly. She sounds like a psycho for doing what she did and now trying to act as if you are still BFFs. Delusional.
I understand that the kids are friends, but it would be a cold day in hell before I ever sat at a play date with her or communicated with her in order to set one up. I also would never trust her with my children or let them over her house.
All play dates would start at my house and someone other than OW would drop them off.
I commend you for trying your best to put up with this for the sake of the kids. But, please know that this can stop when you say and you don't have to continue to eat her shit sandwiches just cuz the kids are friends.
After YEARS of harassment, and calling me every name in the book, she had the nerve to tell me:
"Have a safe trip."
I wanted to tell her:
"Die in a fire."
cut off contact. so what if your kids are friends with her kids?
there are repercussions for these kinds of things. One of them is your bff is not in your life anymore.
how is it helping your kids for you to do this? How do you think they will feel later on when they find out about it?
so the kids are innocent. big deal. protect yourself, protect your family.
Wow. I am actually angry.
NC = no new hurts applies here. I wouldn't deal with her in any way. The kids can still be friends at school but that doesn't mean you have to allow her into your life.
"No." Is a complete sentence. "No thanks " is a little more polite but is also a complete sentence.
Take your power back.
[This message edited by NoMorDeceit at 12:50 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
These are really important things. Who cares what OW and her kids want?
OW can step it up and find other kids for her kids to play with. That is HER job and part of your jobs is not letting OW "nice" you around.
Fuck her, get a sitter every time. She started sucking after she fucked your H.
If the kids are THATCLOSE, let assclown dad work those deets out...otherwise, "Sorry, we just can't tonight" (you bottom dwelling scum sucker).
"Look at me..I can fuck your husband and you will STILL allow me around your kids."
She still has a window into your life...into YOUR husband's life.
She's the cat that ate the canary.
Honey...gentle 2x4 here....at this point..it is not your WH's contact with the OW that is going to destroy your family...it's yours. You allowing this woman in your life,around your kids,IS causing you problems..IS causing your marriage problems...IS causing your family problems..therefore it IS causing your kids problems. YOU must go NC. YOU.
And NMD made an excellent point. You can NOT possibly trust this woman with your kids..right? She has proven she is rather untrustworthy..wouldn't you say?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
It stops when you say it stops.
It is clear that you are unwilling to make it stop right now.
No judgement - I've been there in a different way myself. I would say most of us have. It is unbelievable the sacrifices we make to 'make it work'. These sacrifices can keep an M together but the cost is too high. Far too high.
For me. No way in fucking hell. The X did not share my POV on a lot of this kind of stuff post-DD. That is one of the reasons he is an X. I was unwilling to risk a DD2 - he was and is a bad bet.
I could not do this.
Why isn't your spouse supportive of you? Does he not see this is wrong to put you thru this?
kids are kids they can make ne friends. Put the house on the market rent it out and get out of there.
I dont want anything to do with her, and is she was my friend or my kids friends...I would have to move.
It is NOT "working,for the most part."
It works for awhile,because you rugsweep. And,every few weeks..or months...you have a huge setback because of some form of communication with the OW.
I understand not wanting to hurt the kids..I get that you feel it will be YOUR fault because if you could *just* get over the affair she had with your WH,then the kids will be ok,and get to keep their friends.
You didn't create this Hell...your WH did. This is a direct result of HIS actions and choices. What you are feeling is completely normal....ANY BW would have a problem if they were in your situation.
You need to stop sacrificing your sanity,your healing,your health. Your kids deserve a whole,happy,healthy mother. You can not be all of that if you are still in contact with the OW..it is destroying you.
If I sever ties, to my kids BFF, who live a bike ride down the street, who they see very day, I will be the bad guy. So, this will be my story forever until one of us moves.
Very gently, these two statements are false. These two statements are a lie. You've been tricked into believing them.
First, you were never the bad guy, and are not the bad guy. I think pretty much all of us posting here agree that interacting with OW is doing direct self harm to you. You do not have to have any interaction with her or her kids.
One thing I learned in my recovery is what other people think is none of my business. I can't control that. So, I make decisions that are moral and honorable and with integrity.
Second, this does not need to be your story forever. Why? I know you think your kids don't know anything...but they do. They can tell when you are upset.
You can have an honest conversation with the kids that goes something like:
When people are best friends they make special promises to each other. OW broke the special promise she had with me. It really, really hurt me. Because of that I am choosing to not spend time with OW anymore.
That means that you kids can play with those kids when you see them outside. It also means that we won't be going inside each others' houses anymore.
The OW is not nice to you. She is not even "nice". She's freaking evil. Cut her out of your life.
Big hugs, momof3. I'm so sad for you and the way the A and this horrible OW are hurting you. I know you want to do the right thing for your kids. Taking care of yourself, and keeping them out of her house, *is* the right thing.