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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What to believe now.....
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thadiun

Good for you for taking some control.

Will you or your WW have primary custody of your son?

Has your WW thought about getting into IC at all yet? You?

It is still very raw and new. Take one day at a time and follow your instincts.

We are all rooting for you. Good luck.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sharing custody ATM for our son, but she is going to her own IC and I'm going back to my previous one i had when she returns from vacation. WW wants me to have a talk with her tonight. Not sure what she wants to talk about, guess I can go listen. But it better not be the same old same old, trying to shift the blame of the A on me or the pressure of life. I still no matter what she says moving out next month.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update for anyone interested. We had a talk and it was just questions she adked me about my actions and the contract she signed. I stated in 1 statement " I will not lie or answer a question from BS with half the truth, but will reply with total honesty even if it hurts BS personally or emotionally." So I asked her 1 simple ?, was she communicating with the OM when our son was born? Her reply was no, only friends and family. So today I went and got my old cell phone records from our previous cell phone company. She was correct when she stated the day of the birth she didn't talk with him, but she did not mention or admit she spoke with him the day prior and the morning after his birth. So, like usual I only get half the truth. If I don't give her specific questions, she will only answer exactly what the question called for and will not divulge any further info. Not to mention, I also stated in our contract that she will not take any money from OM to repay her and take it as a lost. Well on her bank statement since after signing the contract $200 has been deposited into her checking account, so I'm going to the bank tomorrow to get the details. I guess the contract didn't mean crap to her. I even put in the contract if she fails or refuses to abide by these statements that divorce proceedings will begin. I don't think I'm asking for too much, but some of my friends and her counselor thinks I'm being too strict with her. Who knows, I'm just totally confused right now and lost.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checked where the money came from and it was from her other savings account. She also accused me of breaching the contract because I didn't attend the MC with her. I told her that MC was not in the contract just counseling, which I am attending independantly. She wants to knick pick on my contract statements but wouldn't apply one to herself about being totally honest with me when I ask a question. Do you guys think I'm being too hard on her for not telling me the whole truth about the OM contacting when my son was born? Because i plan on filing legally now to try and open her eyes that I'm serious.

[This message edited by Thadiun at 2:36 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you guys think I'm being too hard on her for not telling me the whole truth about the OM contacting when my son was born?

Thadiun,

No, I don't believe you are being too hard on her. She is nit picking, and using lies of ommission. Anyone would know that by your question you meant, "Were you in contact around the time, whether before, after, or the same day our son was born?"

If she is not figuring out that when you ask for honesty, you mean total honesty, then she is still deeply in the fog, and believes she can still pull the wool over your eyes too.

Keep moving forward with the D papers. If she gets angry rather than very sad and remorseful, then you know that she will not be getting honest, nor feeling committed to your marraige anytime soon.

You are not crazy. This stuff is draining. It comes up out of the blue, isn't supposed to happen, and then the BS is forced to go through it, even when they didn't cause it, don't deserve it, and don't want it.

Hang in there!


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the reply Hurtbuthopeful, it's reassuring to know people like yourself understand and can explain in clarity what exactly my WW really means. It's so crazy how she acts like she still loves me and wants me to come home. I really don't know what her reaction is going to be once i hand her divorce papers. She will more than likely say, I was planning on this from the get go and was lying to her about reconciling. But in all honesty I did try, just can't take the TT anymore.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, WW already breached another statement in my contract agreement. I written not to delete any texts or vm until I review them. Well she deleted one, it wasn't to a dude, but to her girlfriend she is talking to at work who also was a BS in the past but reconciled with her husband. She said that I already seen her texts already and didn't have to see anymore. This just gets better and better...........


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thadiun

Only you can judge f you are being too tough on her.

But you also have to realize that if you are done with the marriage do not prolong it.

Just end it.

It might take that very action to see true remorse.

HM


Posts: 824 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of u for responding to this devastating time on my life. With all that's happen and the continued TT from WW the only option is to file. I just hate the feeling of being a 50% Dad to my son. The possibility of another man with my son just hits my heart like daggers. I still wish to God that this never happened to me. I thought I married my soulmate, it just hurts so bad now finally relizing it's over between us. Of course I will show her the breach of the contract that she did because she will deny it. Maybe......hopefully with legal separation paperwork for divorce she will finally change, but I'm skeptical if that will happen. Her love for me has dwindled to a point of no return I think. I want to thank u all again for the support.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
JH52
♂ New Member
Member # 10690
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you think you need a paternity test on your son since you inferred that she may have been with OM during your marriage. Just something to ponder.

Posts: 30 | Registered: May 2006 | From: jh52
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My consult with a lawyer will be on July 15th. I'm still attending IC and MC to see if my WW has any change of heart. Still the same unfortunately, its like we are at court when we are at MC. She always defensive about the questions I ask in regards to the affair. The other day she stated how long does she have to live as a hermit to show me that she is being for real to her commitment to our marriage. Then she sent a text asking if I was dating someone? I was appalled by that question.
In regards to the paternity test, I know for a fact that he is my son, because we had to go thru IVF and we had to use a donor frozen embryo in order for her to become pregnant. So, biological he is not my son, but emotionally he is since I was in the room when the embryo was transplanted. But, i'm still holding on even after all that's happened. Maybe my WW can change but maybe not, time will show me the truth.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 31
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