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Newest Member: ExWayward (44295)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: As usual, truth comes in trickles
Melody1000
♀ Member
Member # 24445
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As days go by, more info creeps out. He was busted again yesterday by leaving his mini ipad at home. Just for the heck of it I looked through his texts...deeper than I did on his phone last week. Guess he thought I forgot that his text messages go to the ipad also.

I supposed I should be grateful that he truly is a chicken shit that doesn't have the balls to actually meet someone, make conversation, and then have an affair. He prefers to schedule massages that have "happy endings". Apparently that is enough for him. My concern is that eventually it wouldn't be enough and he would eventually find some courage. Fortunately(?) (really?) for me, I found out about this (and the others) before he got any further in his bravado development.

Doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with, although I know I have it easy compare to what some of the other posters have going on.

Please don't judge, but I am still going through with the wedding. Either way I am humiliated. Neither choice is a good one. I have demanded a prenup though and he is in total agreement. He will sign anything I put in front of him.

He is very remorseful and is attending meetings and has found a SA therapist to start with immediately. He has also agreed to key loggers or other software for all of his devices. I am holding onto his ipad mini for a while though. WTF? I feel like I am his MOM!

Fuck! this is just fucked!


Posts: 101 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: California
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have no idea what he's actually done. That's just what you found. Good luck with your wedding.

A prenup doesn't sound like love to me...

But, then again I don't beleive in true love anymore.

IF it;s more of a business transaction for you, then that's your perogative.

I understand your pain is still real and I'm sorry sweetie.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.He will cheat again. But, It wont be on me.

Posts: 911 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't judge, but I am still going through with the wedding. Either way I am humiliated. Neither choice is a good one. I have demanded a prenup though and he is in total agreement. He will sign anything I put in front of him.

It's much easier to walk away now with your head held high, than it is to try to divorce later on. Plus, a pre-nup may not hold up in court if you file for divorce because he can say he signed it under duress.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 12:57 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Melody

WTF? I feel like I am his MOM!

My heart breaks when I read this. Why do you want to knowingly go into a marriage where you already feel that it is doomed?

No judgment, just hurt and concern for you and your family.

So what he agrees to key loggers, you have his phone, etc? He can buy a disposable phone, he can call from work, he can set up fake email accounts, etc. etc. etc. This will NOT provide you with a sense of security, nor will a prenup.

You will live your life wondering not IF but WHEN?

How can you honestly take any vows with this heaviness in your heart?

I am not in your shoes but from your posts, I say call it off and have a hell of "I Dodged The Damn Bullet" party.

Either way, let us know. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

(((many hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you saying these are CURRENT messages or "old" ones that you found? And I realize that you just had a Dday, but are they since then?

Sweetie (yes I watch BBT),
I'm not judging you for going through with the wedding, but I can say wholeheartedly that you are making a mistake you will regret. Why on earth would YOU be humiliated from calling off the wedding? You've done nothing wrong. You will be humiliated when he's arrested someday for patronizing a prostitute, or when you have to go in repeatedly for STD tests, or you are diagnosed with an STD, hopefully NOT HIV.

What on earth do you two plan to say to each other on your wedding day? How can you listen to him take his vows, knowing what he's doing?

You are so young. I just hate for you to wake up my age and regret this.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1429 | Registered: Nov 2010
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's going to an 'SA' therapist just for having an interest in sensual massages that lead to "happy endings?" Was he medically diagnosed by a professional as a bonafide sexual addict, or is he just telling you he's getting "sa" counseling? This just doesn't sound right at all.

In either event, I'm sorry you're here and I think you're way too stressed by this discovery to make the proper decision with regard to your upcoming marriage. You're signing up for a lifetime of heartache. Once you have kids, a house, financial entanglements, family, real estate, debt, etc. etc. etc. you'll feel like a prisoner and WISH you'd run when the going was good.

I do wish you much luck.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1577 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXWH also started with "happy ending" massages. He was so enamored he had an affair with the massage therapist. If she was willing to rub his dick it must be love right? Two years out and he is still "with" her, although cheating on her too.

Please at least postpone this wedding. Make up an excuse. Wait until he has PROVEN himself to be remorseful, rehabilitated, and relentless in his devotion to you.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
confused71
♀ New Member
Member # 39530
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like trebleclef, my WH also started with happy ending sensual massages, and at least one that I know of turned into a 15 month affair. Once he made the leap to actually having sex with that prostitute then he moved on to having an EA and PA with a "very catholic" married woman. He just kept upping the anty. And even after 7 years of ongoing infidelities, WH's therapist does not think he has an SA. Just curious, why does your H think he has an SA?

I envy your ability to make a break now before there are family, children, finances, etc. to complicate things. Can you at least postpone the wedding until your emotions settle and you can decide what you want to do?

[This message edited by confused71 at 1:23 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 39
Him: WS 44
Married 10 years, cheated at least 7 of those years
Two young DS
Multiple DDays in May 2013, and still waiting for the next DD to strike
Prostitutes abroad and in our home, 2 long-term simultaneous affairs - 1 PA & 1 EA/PA

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Desert
Topic Posts: 8

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