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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Today I went to the location of the A
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I happen to be near (well semi near) and I decided to randomly go. I passed by where the action took place from afar. Just going by there makes me sick. I did go to where OM and WW worked together. He's still there. Saw his car. I wanted to see what I would feel. It was just parked there. Same place he always parks in reverse. Like always.

Yes, the feelings all came back and I felt all that pain, anxiety and anguish all over again. I then proceeded to visit my WW at her new job. She was happy to see me as it was a surprise visit. Took me in and introduced me to everyone in the office.

So now it was a time when I can tell my brain "See! It's not happening anymore. It's over". I need to continually tell my brain this.

I still have anxiety, low self esteem and there are always those bad days.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 3:39 PM, June 24th (Monday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reclaiming places works well for some. glad your W stepped up and made it somewhat easier for you.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14815 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She did. Although she doesn't know I did the Infidelity Tour today. It was random. I'd been wanting to do this for a while.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 4:07 PM, June 24th (Monday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ughh...I do the infidelity tour daily. The affair happened in my home. It will take a lifetime for me to feel comfortable in my own home again.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 458 | Registered: Apr 2012
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zayda1 - Sorry to hear that. I'd vomit in my own home if he'd come here. He was in my WW's car which I rather not think about.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ick, just realized how bitchy my post sounded. I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to how you felt today.

I am hoping that once we have renovated every room she was ever in (all of them) maybe then I can begin to feel comfortable. Until then her ghost haunts this house (she's not dead, but I can see her walking in the front door, standing on my kitchen, sitting on my couch...and those were the times I knew she was there. The times I was oblivious are the scary ones).

Ughh...enough whoe is me, off to boot camp to burn off some anxious energy.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 458 | Registered: Apr 2012
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same about my FWHs truck, work and the places they went. It makes my blood boil and he says it makes him feel nauseated but thats what he gets, he made this monster. Well, thats how I feel.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 11:06 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UGH!! It stinks that we have to deal with these reminders. Unfortunately, not all of them can be avoided.

This is the reason why I flip the bird at Barnes & Noble every time I drive by. It's where they first met up before running to the Courtyard across the way. It also gets a one finger salute.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 996 | Registered: Mar 2012
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LivinginLimbo - I've been wanting to flip the bird at every car just like his. I did it once and it felt good.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what her car looks like, the area in which she lives, where shes from, what she looks like and have even talked to her over the phone. Most of it I found out threw clever questioning and my sister trying her hand in PIing. I may sound crazy but im no schmuck. I got alot comfort in knowing these things and if I ever need to, I can utilize what I know. Do what you need to to feel better, the only thing that matters is your healing. And yes, I too flip the bird every chance I get.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 11:10 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL, it's amazing how one little finger can make us feel a bit better. I accompany mine with a few expletives. It gives it that extra oomph.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 996 | Registered: Mar 2012
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I'm in the area again. Getting her car repaired. Feel like driving by again to get used to the area and reject the attachment feelings about what happened. Hope OM is not in the area. He'll recognize the car.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(go pee on his tire)


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peeing on his tire...haha.

I did see him. Wow...so strange. Just saw him from afar. Here's the 411:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=500302


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1226 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New here, but reading through threads and wanted to share. I think it is healing to go to the location of the A. My WH had an A for 2 yrs. He knew her from bowling, they were on the same team. I now bowl on his team in a different league but at the same bowling alley. Sometimes they met at her house, in the summer they met at a park on the walking path and would go into the woods. I drive by her house every day on my way to the gym. At first it was difficult, but now the only time it affects me is when I see her outside. Then I flip her off and sometimes blow the horn. For an entire month when I first found out about the park meetings I would go there every day with my camera and take pics. Always at different times of the day. There are always people there so I have no idea how they were never caught. I talked to my IC about this and he said if it is healing for me to do it. As long as I feel better afterwards. I have only been back once in the last 3 months and then I just sat in the parking lot. For me, confronting the places helped me face what happened and to realize that the places had nothing to do with it.

[This message edited by shatteredheart7 at 5:22 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 15

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