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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Not this time!
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support, everyone. You've definitely given me a new angle to think of this from.

The good thing is that when she does something stupid, I don't pine for her anymore. Nowadays I seem only capable of being pissed off with her - and I'm feeling the strength from it. I keep thinking I should be getting over the anger soon, but I guess it's still early days.

For those of you who are further along, does the anger eventually dissipate on its own when you don't need it anymore, or at some point will I need to take action on that?


5454real:

Do you really believe she gives two shits about your opinion? If she disagreed with your advice, what would she have done.

This is huge. She never takes advice that disagrees with her opinion!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass,

I feel for you. Anyone who uses their children as a weapon to inflict pain on the other parent is a special kind of sick person.

Do what you can to keep from being sucked in. I know it isn't easy, but the more you are out of her fog.. the easier it will get.

If she cared on IOTA about her kids, she wouldn't be dating this soon. Let alone telling them about it or bring them around the men she is seeing.

Reverse the scenario... if you were dating ... would you do what she is doing? How would you handle dating in the best interest of your boys?

When my therapist asked me those questions... my XH's behavior and (how I planned on handling) mine were complete polar opposites. It brought home just how much HE CHANGED.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my experience the initial anger is based on hurt. Then it is based on their outrageous behaviour. Then you start really hurting/being angry for your kids, not so much yourself. I'm kind of stuck here.

He can't hurt me anymore - except through the girls. Its the last button he has to push.

You can't/won't stay angry forever. IMO you wouldn't feel detached if you were still as angry as a few weeks/months/years ago.

Unfortunately when we share kids with these lower muppets we cannot have true NC. The tiny bits of contact = new hurts = new anger.

I have found myself channeling my anger more. Before his very existence enraged me. Now most of his antics are mildly amusing and irritating. I don't really get angry anymore, I do get sad. Some of his antics are just so.... unnecessary. I'm sad that he will use the girls to try to bait me.

He goes quiet for a while and it is bliss. I can pretty much forget he ever existed. But then he gets hungry for the ego kibbles and does something weird to try to get my attention.

Many times I feel like saying "move on with your life FFS - at least pretend you're happy with your choices. Leave me the fuck alone".

I'm hoping crickets sends him that message loud and clear.

This detaching caper is not for the feint hearted. I suspect the anger is a way for our brains to gather strength/resolve to detach not only from the WS but also to accept that this has all actually happened.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 23
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