I was just reading through some of the forum topics and feel genuinely down. I mean, this place is obviously one of comfort and support and is a community where I feel so overwhelmed with love and support, but....it just makes me sick to my stomach, knowing that there are so many good men and women out there whose spouses and significant others just decide to treat so horribly! What is wrong with the world? I mean, we all make mistakes, but maintaining an ongoing affair with someone and deliberately deceiving a partner you've sworn to be faithful to is a lot more than just a "mistake."
When I get out of this, I don't know if I want anything to do with love or relationships for a very long, long time-- if ever. And yet, I don't want to become this bitter person who has no faith left because she's seen so many people fail good, kind people who give so much of themselves, sacrifice, and love others so tenderly, only to have it taken for granted and dismissed so callously.
I looked at WH last night and I honestly wished he was dead. Like, if he were to be struck by lightning, I wouldn't blink an eye-- I'd just collect my pension, be rid of him and no one would ever know how humiliated I am right now. But that's not right and I feel horrible for thinking it, even though I think I might actually mean it. I am NOT a person who wants to hurt anyone. I'd rather take a hit myself than deliberately ruin someone else's life. That's why this hurts so much.
Going to stop now because I'm getting a bit weepy. Ugh. I think I'm hormonal right now.