I hope your DH starts protecting himself, you and your M. It will be too late if he waits until it actually needs protecting.
I'm sorry you have to face any of this shit at all and I send you the strength to deal with whatever comes your way.
He knows your past. This is not behavior of a husband who values your feelings.
Ask him to stop all contact unless its for business purposes only.
If your spidey senses are tingling, you know something's wrong.
Never, ever date your neighbor.
However, I don't set up chats with male co-workers who may be emotionally vulnerable, and I certainly don't tell them we should've driven around in my sports car after lunch. THIS is where I feel things went south. Proof positive is she felt comfortable enough to drop a sexual joke.
This is the most troubling post. I would never suggest that to a co worker (current or ex). Lunch yeah, even talk of family and/or life events fine, but to suggest that was just way over the line.
To simplify and answer your original question I'd just say that, no, you are not getting worked up about nothing. I would be keeping my eyes wide open if I were you. I wish you the best.
When I learned he had once been an OM, I nearly broke it off. But we talked through it all, and I thought he understood his mistakes and how to avoid them in the future.
It's hard. He's a wonderful husband and father in so many ways... but boundaries are the issue he knows I am most concerned about as far as our marriage because of my history. And his. Yet this.
For now, I am going to try and stop perseverating over it and let things play out as they may. I won't hide my concern from him, as it still affects me from time to time when I get down thinking about it all... but this is not my ditch to die in, it's his.
she lied to him about the status of their marriage- he thought they were divorcing-
DH knew me while I was going through my divorce-
A week later, DH thinks she was down in the dumps and asks her to lunch. This time they go alone. She tells him she is separating from her H and he is moving out.
He has a thing for divorcing women, doesn't he?
Did his parents divorce and he stayed with his mother?
No, his parents have been married for over 50 years. He is very close to his mother, though, which I've thought is a good thing.
I have asked that he let me know about correspondence and that he not go to lunch alone, but I am done policing. I don't want to do it. I think at this point I have to trust that he'll figure it out, and if he doesn't, well, then I'll have to figure things out on my own end.
And if you don't do any policing, how are you going to know if he doesn't tell you? It sounds a little like you want to stick your head in the sand because you don't want it to be true. (You know, that thing we all did for years and years).
My advice would be to do some detective work. Then you can feel so much better and trusting of him because he came out clean. Or you will know the truth and be glad you found out what you are actually dealing with..
I've done what I can do. I immediately told him of my discomfort with the situation, asked him to stop seeing her alone and to forward any communication, and have talked about everything several times.
I do not want to be in the situation I was in with my first marriage- driving myself crazy trying to find evidence of XH's affair.
I can only tell DH how I feel, he makes his own decisions from there.
What I've come to learn is that I will be OK no matter what. I don't believe he is having an EA, but I think he was at the top of the slippery slope.
How will I know if he lies? Well, we all know the truth has a funny way of unearthing itself.
As I've said before, I have to trust that he will figure this out. If he doesn't, he does know that the marriage will be at serious risk.