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Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

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User Topic: Do they become your safe person again?
♀ Member
Member # 36285
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say, as a person currently in limbo because I'm not ready to fully commit to R, it is encouraging to see some "veteran SI-ers" saying yes. I think I will add this to my list of How I Will Know Once We've R'd. Because I cannot imagine living my life and (re)committing to someone with whom I do not feel safe.

BW Me, 32 FWH - Him, 33
Married 9 years, together for 14
3 Kids: 5 yrs, 3 yrs, 18 months
MOW - my "friend"
DD#1 July 2012, admitted to an EA
DD#2 1/14/13, finally admitted to PA

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Somewhere in Middle America
♀ Member
Member # 34298
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used to think of it like this: At the end of the day, H and I would cuddle up next to each other in bed. I would take deep breaths and any anxiety from the day would melt away with every exhale. I knew I was with someone who would give his life for me and I for him. We were there for each other through thick and thin. Whatever "bad stuff" we were going through, we were going through it together. It was going to be all right no matter what because we had each other to help the other through it.

I don't feel that way any more. I no longer lean back against my husband and feel any of those feelings. I care for him and am supportive. But, I just don't feel this and can't seem to get it back. It feels hopelessly gone. Sometimes I think it was never there and I was fooling myself or was living some kind of unhealthy dependency. I rarely confide anything to my H; not the things that are truely important to me.

I am encouraged that there are couples that reach that safety spot with time and hard work. I think it is possible, but not for me.

ME - 50 something
WH - 50 something
Kids - 3 boys, Adult, Teen, Teen
Married - 26 years
Together - 29 years
EA 10/11 -12/11; 100% NC 1/18/11

Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Out in the big wide open
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine actually got mad about this-I use my sister as "next of kin" instead of fWW.

I also changed all my designated person paperwork at every doctor I see and every significant situation to my best friend- took WH off before I knew he was wayward b/c he was acting so awful. Gut feeling?

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
♂ Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What razor said......if they were ever safe in the first place we wouldn't be here, fool me twice shame on me.

BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 707 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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