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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: She's an idiot
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Angry  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I shouldn't check her facebook, but sometimes I just can't help it. Just had a look and saw the following things:

#1
Her profile picture is a beautiful picture of her and our thirteen-year-old son hugging each other tight and smiling at the camera. It really is a great picture.

However, we HAVE TWO SONS! Our ten-year-old has ADHD, few friends, and doesn't even socialize with us very much. And most importantly, HE HAS FACEBOOK!

So when he goes to look at his mom's page, he sees her loving his big brother, and not him.

How fucking insensitive is she? Wait, I already knew the answer to that. I was married to her for 17.5 years.

#2
A male friend did a post on her wall where he tried to spell out giving her a raspberry. Her response was, "You know how a lady likes a little tongue!"

Once again, both of our kids have facebook, and more importantly, so does this guy's girlfriend! She is one of The Princess' good running buddies. Who wouldn't love a friend like that?

When I was trying to reconcile, I told her that one of the conditions was that she had to stop flirting. She said that would be a problem because she has a reputation with her friends of saying whatever outrageous thing pops into her brain - and it is often sexual!

That is no longer my problem; it has been inherited by her friends (they can thank me later). I just can't believe she would do it where our kids can read it.

Fuck! She's an idiot.

(I know. Stay away from her facebook. I swear I'm trying!)


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dislike!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9856 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree you need to stay away from her FB, it just creates more hurt for you. One thing it did was confirm, you are on the only right path possible.
((Pass))
It took me along time to quit snooping and checking.

ETA: I think my snooping/checking prolonged my intial first step in healing.
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 12:21 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20384 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As difficult as it is....stay off FB.
Take the high road, your children will thank and admire you for this.

PS. I too have an ADHD so I understand how protective you are of his feelings.
Just continue to be the best parent you can to ALL your children. Even with OW childish, insecure behavior. She is just trying to make points with your daughter. Shame on her.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 623 | Registered: Jul 2012
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I should stop looking at my ex's Facebook too. He's also an idiot, but we are just confirming what we already know..

Hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2398 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:41 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FB does have a Block feature. I use it with XH, makes FB a much nicer place to play.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5327 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds emotionally immature. Terrible.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me preface this with I am childless, so feel free to discount/ignore.

Isn't 10 & 13 maybe a little young for FB? Or is there some sort of parental controls?

And yes, she sounds like a sheer delight.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 768 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I REALLY need to stay off her page. I just can't block or unfriend. I know we're done, and I know that's a good thing. But other than the kids, this is the only link I still have to my old life.

I don't miss it, but I'm having trouble totally letting go.

And, Vulcanized, my kids are, in their own ways, very mature for their ages, and I monitor their accounts and friends very closely. All alerts get sent to my email addresses as well, in a way that they can't stop without me knowing.

[This message edited by pass at 7:59 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She sounds awful, pass. You will have to be the stable parent for your boys, the one that they can trust.

Are your boys in IC? They will need some professional help to deal with having an egg donor like her.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The flirting thing is totally inappropriate, but the picture thing is pretty common. Lots of people with more than one kid put up a pic that just has one kid in it, or two, or whatever, but not all of them because the pics aren't permanent. I've seen many of my friends do that, and maybe this month it's one of their kids, but next month it will be another.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Pass. I lived that, too. I would torture myself every day last year, looking at Perv's page, checking if I was still there, checking status...I finally got so I couldn't stand it and then one day, a friend found it...her.

The page she made that he takes credit for are one of the things that pushed me over the edge and towards divorce, for it broke another level of trust, in my mind that has trouble thinking.

You see, there is OW, larger than life. The blinking hearts with my husband's name glorifying the date their EA became a PA was not enough. They put his favorite tv characters on, which were also mine and now are triggers. Okay. That's not much.

When I got to the other pages, who did I find, but my own daughter? On OW's page? Before the A was even outed. Next came Perv, happy as can be on their outings and others followed.

The most haunting are my very own pictures I took...his 40th birthday party at our house. You can fully see my house and the guests and I am clearly cut out-another that haunts me is he and DD on our vacation with me cut out.

I think one of the most gut wrenching was a bigger-than-life picture of our beautiful dog who died last year on HER page-her picture-my dog-my house!!

It felt like she was here, like she looks in the window and wants to steal anything I hold near and dear. I cannot get those images out of my head a whole year later.

And you know, his and my entire family saw those and do not know what to say to him.

He also called himself "widower" in that other life (here I am!) and made an alternate page but didn't even bother changing his real name. He put me on a married page, but it was filling up with women-not OW-on his Widower page, he put OW's tribe but not OW.

When confronted, the story changed several times. The one that hurt the most in his defense of her was saying "I made it." And him calling me a liar was one of the pieces that sent me to the phone to call L and finally file.

It's such a feeling of invasion and it took away any sense of security I had.

I finally deleted mine altogether, for several reasons. The most important for me is that I can't stand being part of something that is out in the world hurting people so much as that. It's not FB or it's creator's fault, it's how people are using it, like other ruined things in life.

I read that your kids are on there, as well. DD asks me but because of the way people use it, I won't let her.

To compromise, "we" got her a Nook and "we" control what she has on it-have not put the internet at all.

I cannot fathom the chance she would have seen those pictures. She still does not know of OW, that I know of, and to have her find out that way would be devastating.

I hope it will work out with your kids being on it. I have nieces and nephews on it younger than your kids and just shake my head.

And I'm glad that you lean in and know what they are doing. I think it's important. And a good dad.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support, Ash.

He called himself a widower? What an arsehole!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, she's still an idiot. After two weeks of the profile pic of her with our oldest son, she changed it to a pic of her with one of her neighbours. She used to never even hang out with this woman, but now they're just the best of friends. Of course, this neighbour is the one who hooked her up with her new man, so I guess that seems right to her.

Our little guy has NEVER been part of her profile pic, except when in a picture with someone else. He hasn't had the full attention our big boy gets. She doesn't even see the damage she is doing, and it breaks my heart.

Do I bring this up with her - in hopes that a human emotion can shine through - or do I just try to make up for it by loving both my boys equally?

She has always HATED whenever someone DARES to correct her (like screams and throws shit!), so I'm not sure it would help, but if it can help my little boy feel loved by his mom, I'm willing to face the wrath.

What do y'all think?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally for me, I would put the smack down on her regarding your son. She may not listen but at least you told her and stood up for your youngest.

If she throws a fit, oh well you don't have to deal with it. She needs to grow the hell up and act like a mother. Not a teenage girl... Look at me look at me type.

And than after you let her know how you may think it makes your youngest feel, leave it alone. You can't correct stupid.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2804 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Opps, double post

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 10:34 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2804 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do I bring this up with her - in hopes that a human emotion can shine through - or do I just try to make up for it by loving both my boys equally?

Pass - Don't address this with her. Just DON'T. If your son brings it up to you and is bothered by it, encourage him to discuss it with her. He's old enough to express his feelings.

But you? Don't go there. She won't hear you. You already know this.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, NIK. I think you're right. After the screaming and throwing ended other times, we always chose to pretend nothing happened, so she has found this works for her.

There's really no point. I'll just be supportive for my boys. Fuck! This sucks!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does suck. But it gets better in time.
I'll just be supportive for my boys.
This is absolutely the best thing you can do. Focus there, pass.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 19

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