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User Topic: OW contacted me...I'm a mess now
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Sad  Posted: 5:10 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MOW contacted me to take her name off the cheater site I put her on. At first I was going to ignore and then fell down the rabbit hole...far down the hole.

MOW thinks my WH is staying with me because he's afraid I'm going to kill myself and told me so. I can't believe she even knows that information about me . Just another part of me my WH exposed to her.

She went on to tell me that I am a miserable person who does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home.

I will never understand why a person would want to inflict this kind of pain on someone, especially to the one they helped betray.

What's worse is she's right. I am a miserable person now. I feel like I can barely function as it is day to day.

I can't get her words out of my head. I ended up cutting myself again so I am back at square one with my coping skills. I feel like I'm losing the war to get healthy and I'm scared.

I will not look at any more of her messages and I hope she doesn't contact me again. I took her name off the site and I hope she is happy now. I just want to be left alone. i feel like my healing has been set back.

Luckily WH has really stepped up and had set every word she said to me straight and tell me that he is with me for the long haul he wants ME and he will keep fighting for me. He also read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" and he wants to start MC as soon as possible.

Now if I can get her words out of my head

He gets it and gets what he did, he still sees me suffering and now is VERY upset with MOW for having stirred trouble.

I was told that I am a worthless person who doesn't deserve to be here.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's projecting onto you.

She is a piece of work.

[This message edited by twodoves at 10:18 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's projecting onto you.

She is a piece of crap.

That's exactly what my WH said! He said usually the one who does the pointing is one who has the issues.

Still hard to hear though because I feel worthless and then to hear MOW call me worthless...it feels horrible


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
soveryweary
♀ Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh honey, she is the worthless one. Big hugs to you.


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 617 | Registered: May 2011
TXBW68
♀ Member
Member # 36456
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't take her words to heart. She's just trying to get you to react negatively so she can feel better about herself. If you are miserable now, it's because of the betrayal She was a part of!

Focus on getting healthy and rebuilding your marriage. It sounds like your H is there for you. Allow him to help you. I know it's ironic, but it will help if you guys can function as a team.

Most importantly, PLEASE don't hurt yourself over this. She can not control your future. Only you can. You are a wonderful person. You help so many people here. It's time to put yourself first.

((lots of hugs))


Me (45) WH (42),2 boys 14 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now

Posts: 784 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's no need or reason to be a mess. he more you bend, the more she will lean. She is self absorbed.

Worthless? She is the worthless one. Why on earth should you be bothered about what SHE thinks? Mentally get angry and kick her out. She’s not worth the head space.

Hugs

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:45 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3443 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

soveryweary and TXBW68

Thank you!!!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Worthless? She is the worthless one. No morals worth speaking about, that’s for sure. Why on earth should you be bothered about what SHE thinks? She’s trash. Mentally get angry and kick her out. She’s not worth the head space.

I do need to do this. I am not sure why I'm bothered by what she thinks. I think that I kept thinking for so long that WH may not be here for ME and to hear her call me worthless I felt like it was like bullying. I already feel worthless inside and she is young and pretty and skinny. I need to just let this go.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt like it was like bullying

Because that is exactly what it was. Actually, it was much worse than that...but this is the R forum, so I have to mind my manners.

CBS, you are definitely NOT worthless. You are caring and kind. You are a very valuable person.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7875 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's broken, and she's taking it out on you.

That had to be so painful to hear, but believe me when I say that YOU are the beautiful one worth fighting for. You are worth it. She has to be miserable inside to treat someone so horribly.

I'm sorry, cbs. Sending big hugs. Sounds like your WH is doing the right thing here, and for the right reasons.

(((crazyblindsided)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 6:16 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 16829 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((crazyblindsided)))


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5631 | Registered: Aug 2007
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home

WOW! is she jealous of you!

honestly, If I had put OW's name on a cheating site and she asked me to take it down I would not only leave it I would find 3 other sites and post her name again, again, and again.

I don't take orders from a whore.

She is nothing.

Like a gnat buzzing around your head. that is all.

ignore
ignore
ignore

be proud she is jealous. It means you are winning :)


Posts: 474 | Registered: Jun 2012
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 7:19 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twodoves and PhoenixRisen,

Please follow the guidelines of the Reconciliation forum:

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CBS,

Why are you buying what she is selling?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4710 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It bothers you because you are vulnerable.
Have you read your book "When your lover is a liar".
That has helped me tremendously dealing with wh serial affairs.
Be kind to yourself...where you are is a rough place to be
Take your power back!


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 607 | Registered: Jul 2012
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now if I can get her words out of my head

She planted seeds in your mind. Please DO NOT WATER THEM! They are weeds!

Let them fall on infertile ground where they belong so that they can not grow within you. Your mind is a garden that you need to tend with love and care. Please be careful about what you allow within that space as it's much harder to pull a weed when it takes root. It's much easier to just let that seed die. Don't allow it place to put down roots.

You need to protect yourself and care for your mind as carefully as you would the most precious things you own. You are in fact the most precious thing you own, and you are in control of your fate.

She may not contact you any longer. Period. If she sends a message, sets off fireworks in your yard, or crawls in through the pet door...refuse her. Read nothing she sends, hear nothing she says, and see nothing she does.

Fill that void with kind thoughts and words to yourself. You are worth it!


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you buying what she is selling?

I'm not sure that is the crazy part for me. I guess because she knows about my suicide attempt and I did not know that. It really threw me for a loop when she said it because I know the only person that would inform her of that is WH They still broke NC 2 times after that. Ugh I was doing so well.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:27 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double post

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:26 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Want2help
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ow said those exact same words to me (minus the suicide part).

I would swear there is a script of hurtful words they use to get to BSs, that they know we will internalize.

Ignore her, block her, and if necessary, send her a NC letter again.


BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
Surprise OC born 3/08 (NC)
7 years into successful R.
"That which can be destroyed by truth should be." -P. C. Hodgell

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She went on to tell me that I am a miserable person who does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home.

CB, she is projecting. She's got her knickers in a twist b/c she tried to kill your M & she FAILED. Every rotten thing she is saying to you is really meant for her.

Now she is obsessing over you, and her only hope is for you to boot him out.

Pay her no mind. Focus on YOU. Your XW should be focused on protecting you from this evil woman.

Does OW's BS know? I'd let him know his WW is harassing you.

(((CB)))


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 38
Pages: 1 · 2

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