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User Topic: Question about Std
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After dday, I had a full screaning for STDs (as was wisely advised here on SI)

I tested positive for Genital Herpes. I have never had an outbreak. WH was very embarrassed and "sorry". He had previously admitted that no protection was ever used. He never considered any health risks.

I had a conversation with MOW and told her of the results. She just shook her head and said. "I did mention that maybe I shouldn't be doing this because of all the sores in my mouth, but he said, 'It's OK, don't worry about it' ".

Then, WH was also tested and his results all came back negative.

How is this possible? Now I realize that I could have contacted this before I met WH. Because I was married previously to WH#1, but if so, why wouldn't I have passed this on to WH#2?

I've been trying to find out how this is possible, but no luck.

My doctor said that the test results show that I have been "exposed" to genital herpes. Is that not the same as having it?

I really hope someone can shed some light here. Thanks

[This message edited by FightingBack at 10:17 AM, June 21st (Friday)]


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H gave me herpes during his A's as well. H has never had an outbreak, and his test results are on the low side while mine are definitely positive. Seems as though H has some sort of tolerance or immunity to herpes that I don't or something, I don't know. All that I do know is that I get outbreaks and he has never had one.

And curse those selfish SOB's who are knowingly exposing us to these hideous things, and not caring. Ugh!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got tested after H's ONS - he had not touched me between the time of the ONS and the time of my test. I was positive for herpes. I do believe him that he had never cheated on me before that (in 2010) and we were married in 2003. He was positive as well. Apparently we've both had it for ten years now, at least, and neither of us has ever had an outbreak. It happens. My doctor said lots of people have it and don't even know.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6808 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies.

So, if I am one of those people who have had it for years and not know it, why didn't WH test positive also? Is it because it can only be transmitted during an outbreak?

I've never had an outbreak, therefore not transmitted it?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm getting out of my depth here, but I think there's something called asymptomatic shedding, which means it CAN be transmitted when there's no outbreak.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6808 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Many people can be exposed to it and transfer it without actually picking up the virus. Kind of like when the whole house gets the flu but one person stays well even though they have been exposed. It may also depend on the method of test for H. If it was not through blood work and just a swab, that can explain it too. Unfortunately many Drs do not perform male swabs with proper technique. I would find this out before being certain that he is negative.

Herpes is epidemic in the US. oral and genital are spread constantly they are more commonly referred to as type 1 and type 2. Type 2 being genital. Here's the kicker. You can have type 1 on your genitalia an type 2 in your mouth. Type 2 is usually tougher to get rid of, and requires stronger meds.

Hope I answered your question.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8698 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with TN. What kind of testing did WH have? If there are no symptoms a swab does nothing. Herpes often is checked for by doing serology. That means looking for the antibodies to the virus.

If your wondering if you've had it and why WS is negative (if it is serology) it may be because he has never had a good exposure. You would have to have your own immune system tired and rundown to shed the virus. Then he'd have to be run down to be susceptible to the virus. People with good immune systems can go a long time without passing it.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2239 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May I ask those that do have the virus:
What does it look like? And when you have an outbreak, how long does it last?


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a rare form of it where it's on my face around my nose. Not my mouth, not my genitals, just on my face.

It starts out where my nose looks red, like I've had a cold or something. Then I start to get little bumps that look like tiny pimples, but they are full of clear fluid like a blister. I won't call it a scab, but it eventually starts to get a dry hard skin on top of it that often flakes off leaving more red skin under it.

I've had some outbreaks last for only a couple of weeks, but I've also had an outbreak last for literally 8 months. I don't have them very often, sometimes 2 years between an outbreak, and I don't have insurance so I can't take meds all the time to try to limit the few outbreaks I do have. It's incredibly sore and painful, and hideous to look at. I just tell people that I've had a cold for a few weeks and my nose runs so I have to blow it all the time and that's why it looks like that. It's so embarrassing.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies.

OK, so we both were tested by blood work. So, if I understand correctly, WH being negative, means that he could not have passed it on to me.

That would imply then, that I have been carrying it for years, but never passed it on (shedding) due to both our immune systems being strong.

Am I correct? Or could he have contracted it, passed it on, and still test negative?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
tryingmybest2011
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

T/J

doesitgetbetter, are you sure that's not perioral dermatitis? That's what it sounds like. I get that if I use rich lotions or serums on my face...and sometimes it does take a while to clear.


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
tryingmybest2011
♀ Member
Member # 32584
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FB, depending on when you both had the blood test done, false-negatives are possible. Sometimes it takes a while to show up in detectable levels.

How long after his last encounter were you two tested?

And yes, it's possible you were exposed years ago. Many people are and never experience or notice an outbreak.


BS: me - 37
WH: him - 37
DD: 8
DD: 11 mos

Married over 9 years, together for 18.

DD#1: 12/12/10 - LTA of 3 years, 2 mos.
DD#2: 02/02/11 - 2 EA/PA with coworkers, a month after the LTA was ended (by OW).

In limbo.


Posts: 323 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Ontario Canada
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My tests were done in January 2012.

His were more recent in April 2013.

I don't get it. If I am the carrier, why doesn't he test positive?


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is less likely for a woman to give men Herpes than it is for a man to give a woman herpes. 1 in 5 women have Herpes 2. 1 in 9 men have Herpes 2.

If you add on top of that the fact you haven't had an outbreak, then it is very plausible you have never given your WH Herpes 2.

I would have your screen repeated though. Some types of assays that can be used can give a false positive for Herpes 2. Plus labs make mistakes.

I have tested positive for antinuclear antibodies every 3-6 months for the last 25 years. Last month the lab claimed I tested negative, while all my other antibodies (Ro, La, etc) were off the charts. My rheumatologist and I had a good laugh.

I also once tested positive for Hep C. We freaked out, I was retested. Twice. Both negative. Lab error. I have since been retested 4 more times. All negative.

Did your doctor specify that you tested positive for Herpes 2 vs Herpes 1?


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jun 2012
FightingBack
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes Josephine, Herpes 2.

I still don't quite understand how in 27 years of marriage, I never passed this on to him.

I will ask for another test next time I see my doctor though.


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FightingBack,

Have you ever had cold sores on your mouth? Because if you have, those could be the Herpes 2 that you tested positive for.

Oral herpes can be either 1 or 2. You can get it from sharing a glass with someone or kissing.

My understanding is that if you have oral herpes 2 you can not get genital herpes 2 because you already have the antibodies and can not be reinfected.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jun 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you sure his results were negative? Did you see the results from the doctor..or did he tell you?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7678 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 17

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