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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I Do This To Relieve My Trigger?
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to call my F's number from the OW's number to see if it recognizes her number. He changed his cell number after NC and for all intents and purposes has been NC for a month but this is a trigger. If the phone recognizes the number then it has been called from it before and they've been in contact since the number change, there's no way for my F to change it because it's a stock system setting.

So should I do it to verify she's never called his new number? I'm tired of this trigger haunting me and he told me to just do it.


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
MylarPineapples
♀ Member
Member # 39570
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what you should do, but how would you get access to OW's phone to make this call?


Me: BS, Him: WH, 3 kids
8/08: EA with former neighbor
1/13: EA/Sexting with Coworker #1
6/13: Sexting with Coworker #2

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would use a Spoof card to make the caller ID read as her number. I did that on dday; I called the number I thought was hers and made the caller ID read as my F's number so she would answer and it worked. Spoof cards are pretty cheap. I credit the Spoof Card with giving me my proof on dday because the OW thought it was him and answered saying how angry she was at him before I could tell her it was me.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why not then, especially if you have his blessing?



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why would you want to remind him of her or her number?


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2599 | Registered: Aug 2012
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did it and it didnt recognize her number. I feel a lot better. I hung up before it could show up on his phone. I have the same phone service so I know that if I hang up within a few seconds the call doesn't show up. Didn't want him seeing her number.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have access to the call log on the phone bill?

If not you should


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2599 | Registered: Aug 2012
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't R unless you're honest. Spoof card sounds like cheating to me. Not necessarily a big cheat, but why put yourself on a slippery slope? (Yup. I'm judging what you did here.)

Especially since looking at the record of calls made to and from his phone give you more and better information....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: well the OW has a new number so this was pointless. Now I've got new concerns.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The OW is not your problem. The problem is your WF.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7489 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
IMETC72012
♀ New Member
Member # 39600
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am walking around with the AP phone number and calling card info my WH used to call her-her birthday is coming up (sick that I know this) and he has been acting weird-I thought I'd give her a ring(using a phone booth like he did). I don't want to say anything to her just call and leave the line open. Plus I want to see if their co-conspirator e-mails my WH to ask why he called and didn't say anything. Problem is she is in Australia and so the time difference makes me crazy-counting the hours plus. I am just so CRAZY right now. The anniversary of my DD is 30 days from today. Stupid but I feel guilty spying and thinking up this crap while he seems to be just rolling along. I am triggering like crazy with anyone with the name Michelle, anything to do with Australia, I can't even go near the grocery store where he called her from. Again, he seems to not even notice these things.

Posts: 2 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Arizona
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that my issues are only with my WF. I learned from dday that contacting the OW is a terrible idea. My F and I have a therapy session today. I'm going to bring this up. I actually feel he's been honest but I suffer for generalized anxiety disorder and since he lied once I am always thinking the worst first. He says he didn't know she'd changed her number, has not contacted her and that he has been totally honest. Since we're long distance he voluntarily webcams me from wherever he is or calls me on speaker and he's been doing this for 6 weeks. Evidence suggesrs he's being honest but I'm paranoid now.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 11:11 AM, June 20th (Thursday)]


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
daledge
♀ Member
Member # 38886
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These cheaters are liars. What is wrong with checking up on them? Are we supposed to willing put ourselves in denial? Live in La La Land? As Ronald Reagan said: "Trust But Verify". The Spoof Card is great. Better than a shirt on a pocket.

Posts: 106 | Registered: Apr 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a'823 found out, the spoof card is inconclusive. I suspect it's also illegal. Again, no matter what, it's dishonest.

There are legal ways to get much better information.

If you want your WS to be honest, it makes no sense to be dishonest yourself - especially when being dishonest gets you lousy info and being honest gets you good info.

Think. Post often, when you have something to say. When you hit 50 or 51 posts, you get access to the Investigative Tips forum. I've only skimmed it, but that's where you'll learn how to gather good info legally and ethically.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Devastated777
♀ New Member
Member # 32905
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

where do you get this spoof card?


Still Devastated

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Devastated777
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spoofcard.com. I highly recommend it and don't think they are wrong to use. They are totally legal to use, but you are not allowed to harass others using them. I think that goes for anything though.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 16

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