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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: A month since the world crashed
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In a lot of ways this was my 2nd Dday 5 weeks ago. In July 2008 (i had just given birth to baby #6) I found out my H of then 11 years was having an EA with a coworker. We never really dealt with it - he never apologized, didn't want to end it and finally we moved hours away and changed phone numbers.

Then last month he went on an overnight visit to see family hours away and came home the next day and confessed to flirting with an old friend on Facebook then having a one night stand the previous night(there is so much story but I'm on my iPhone). He was so broken and guilt ridden he held nothing back. He said he didn't care what he had to do to make things right. I handed him the phone and said if he was serious he would call a counselor. Oh and I also found out the EA wasn't all just that and he had kissed her. Grrrrr....

We have gone to the counselor 3 times and spend hours talking every night. He basically apologized for 17 years of treating me poorly and not trusting me and keeping me at arms length. He has never been defensive or anything and keeps apologizing and letting me cry. This is not the man I knew for 17 years, he said he hit rock bottom that night and his eyes were opened to his selfish ways.

Things are looking up but of course I am still angry and at times feel so broken and wonder if I will ever be fully fixed. I do have more self confidence then ever before and that feels good.

I have never had to ask my H for anything - he did NC, deleted all email accounts, offers to leave his phone with me and lets me have access to anything. Of course the OW hasn't taken it well and finds new ways to inflict her evil - including threatening to use our own kids! I hate her so much but have never said a word or typed a single letter to her. But just when we think she's moved on she pops up. :(

I haven't found people IRL to relate to which is why I came here. Thanks for listening.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the OW have a spouse?

Posts: 524 | Registered: Jun 2013
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Does the OW have a spouse?

Yes she does although I have no clue who he is - no Facebook page or even a first name that I could find.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PrincessPeach06)))

Sounds like your WH is heading in the right direction.

If the OW is married, you should tell her BS. Don't take her word for it either. Do a little digging and verify whether she is single or married.

I am not sure from your post how she is "popping" up or using your kids, but there are ways to deal with that and make it stop. You will need to post a bit more info on what she is doing and the good folks here will give you recommendations.

But if she is threatening to verbally taunt your children, I would suggest getting a restraining order against her.

Also, it is a little odd that she is behaving this way after only a one night stand. It is possible there is more to your WH's story OR you are dealing with a real "bunny boiler".


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 810 | Registered: Jun 2012
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will do my best to answer questions. Tomorrow I will have my laptop and won't have to use this phone :)

We blocked her from Facebook, her cell and deleted our own fb accounts and got a joint one. She did not have H's cell number until after that night (I am in charge of the cells so I know that for sure). She keeps using other people's accounts to send messages and then somehow found out we can't block iMessages so that popped up yesterday to his cell.

She told us our oldest son was harassing her daughter and if we didn't stop it she would. This is not true as I checked his cell and Facebook and we live 5 hours away from them.

I do know my H and her only chatted for a month before the one night stand (it was all done on Facebook and I could see when they became friends) plus I went back months and checked calls and text messages.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 35
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-5
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2013
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if we didn't stop it she would

Nah...she's blowing smoke to try to get a response - ANY response - from your H.

If she continues with harassing, file a restraining order - maybe her H will answer the door when she's served.

I think that's one of the things that pissed me off so much when FWH had the 2nd EA - OW was a friggin nutjob who took forever to go away (no spouse unfortunately) - in other words, sometimes it makes you want to smack H in the mouth for "picking a winner." SMH.

Hugs...


Me - 48; FWH - 50
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
4yo GS & 14 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4803 | Registered: May 2007
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so you are dealing with a bit of a nutter.

You and your WH need to go read websites that explain how to deal with stalkers.

Bottomline, SAY NOTHING. No response. This kind of person is looking for a response of any kind. They do not care if it is positive or negative. They are happy with either, because if they get a response that means the object of their attention was thinking of them.

You can turn off iMessage on your iPhone. I recommend doing that.

Keep records of all her communication attempts and get a restraining order. If you have a record of her threat to "deal with" your son, take that to the police. You don't want her anywhere near your son.

If she breaks the restraining order, call the police. Every time.

I hope your WH is duly horrified by the ugly he brought in to your lives.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 810 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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