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User Topic: I threw DS23 out yesterday
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((ppga)))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7428 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((PPGA))))))


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( ppga)))

Great letter! Keep at it! Sending strength (to one of the strongest people I know).


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1296 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He called today. He wants help.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are you going to do?


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25559 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him to stay strong...to call his counselor at Voc Rehab and beg for another chance, to attend an AA or NA meeting tonight, to call the XXX Center (XXX County's drug and alcohol agency) and make an appt, etc... Whether or not he will actually do any of these things, I have no idea. I also suggested he call XXX, (a NAMI member, former meth addict, that has been very supportive of him).

He is going to my daughters house to mow her grass, so he is trying to do something.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PPGA --

I bet it doesn't feel like it right now but you did just help him. You gave him ways to help himself. ((PPGA))

I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel over the whole thing. More prayers for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to what hexed just said. You handled that so well.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25559 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PPGA, I so feel your pain. I have a son who has never given me a moment's worry but if he DID, I have to say, I think my first impulse would be to help. I love him as you love the boy you gave birth to. That you are holding firm to his not coming home must absolutely kill you. I am so sad for you. And so proud of you. It's in his best interests, you know that, right? It just f'ing sucks in the meantime.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7217 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no words. Just ((((((((((ppga))))))))

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5105 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
rainagain
♀ Member
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're still there for him by being his anchor. One day or hour at a time. Hugs and love.


Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1296 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday was really stressful for me.

DS came by to borrow some tools, (he is still attempting to do yard work for people), and he told me that after he contacted his local Rehab counselor and begged for another chance, she said she wants him to see his doc, have his meds 'evaluated', and be med-compliant for A MONTH before they will try to get him back into another rehab.

His docs office can not get him in for another week, so, even if all that goes as planned, this means he will be waiting another 5 WEEKS at least. This is so so wrong. He looked so hopeless.

Even if he tries, he may not be med compliant, (and the problem isn't even that he refuses to take meds, it is more a matter that he doesn't take them consistantly because he is so compromised he forgets).

I would think the responsible decision would be for him to go immediately into rehab where they could supervise the taking of the meds, and work on the substance abuse AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!

At this point, I really believe the system is harming him far more than it is helping him. And the damned irony of it all, is that if he were to commit a crime, he would be swept up into the system within minutes, without all this ridiculous red tape!

After DS got the tools from the house, I had to leave him sitting in my driveway while I went to a doctors appt of my own, where I was told that my resting heart rate was 120. Doc asked what was going on. I just said, "don't even get me started".

While driving back home, I was mentally preparing myself for pulling into my drive, and finding DS hanging from a tree or something. This is no way for any of us to live.

I had a support group participant last Fall that has dealt with her son's illness by renting him an apartment, and just letting him sit there all day and smoke pot. Ya know, she might be on to something there.

Or hey, I know, maybe I should just rent myself an apt and smoke pot all day? 😎


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ppga))))

I'm so sorry, this is such a stressful situation for your family.

I agree it would make sense for him to be admitted and try to take care of all of the problems at the same time, but it doesn't seem realistic to expect that to happen (unfortunately).

As for med compliance - can you get him an alarm that will remind him when he needs to take something? Maybe he can get used to some kind of system like that where there is a reminder can help him keep better track?

Sending more strength and mojo your way.

((((ppga))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh ppa... I feel your frustration. Sometimes the system really IS whacked. I don't understand the policies sometimes. DeadMum has a great suggestion there for a reminder for meds.

Ugh, I know there is no easy answer. ((((hugs))))))


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25559 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anything come of your letter?


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21051 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
JustDone
♀ Member
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((PPGA))))


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2787 | Registered: Feb 2006
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is one example of a pill alarm:

http://www.amazon.com/pill-Medication-Reminder-Organizer-Combination/dp/B00020BKE8

or google epill, it's a company that has several possible solutions (pager-type alarm, watch, etc).


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((ppga)))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25382 | Registered: Aug 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ppga))) (((ds)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10100 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ppga))))

Posts: 35238 | Registered: Mar 2011
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