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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Regretting Reconciliation?
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if it's the hormones or what but recently I've been feeling like maybe I made a mistake settling for reconciliation. I am 9 months pregnant, ready to go any day. My husband had a three year affair. I thought it was just an emotional afair when it all came out in Dec 2011. He had left me in Oct 2011 saying he needed a break but he did not plan on coming back because he was with this woman. he came back and left a couple times and then I had kicked him out in January 2012. He ended up coming back home on his own because he missed me and the kids. But I didnt know the truth about the full extent of the affair until October 2012 while I was digging around. He finally admitted that the woman was a friend of ours in town and the affair was three years long and was physical. I found out I was pregnant by the end of the month.

I dont think I was fairly given a chance to see if I could forgive it.I didnt get to go through that mourning period long before realizing i was pregnant. He really wanted to have the baby as a new start and begged me to stay.

Now I feel stuck. I feel like we are having this baby, buying a home together but Im not satisfied with him. He is doing everything in his power to take care of me. He makes me breakfast almost every morning and he is so patient when I get angry and lash out.

I just dont understand!!! How could he leave me for someone else (while I was going through treatment for cancer) without a care or thought for me or our other children and now be so devoted???

I thoughht he was devoted before too and he turned out to be a snake in the grass.How do I know this is real and not a fake persona like he had before?

He saw her a couple times a week in a hotel room. Would complain about me spending money but would spend $1000 on her so easily on lunches and hotels every month.

I'm just so angry at him!!!! He wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman. He chose to do all that, screw someone else, love someone else, leave me for someone else. And I had to deal with all the nastiness and clean up his mess!

It just seems so unfair that he got to go out and have an affair and good time with this hoe and I have to deal with all the pain and hurt.

I dont know... I just hate him sometimes.


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am right there with you.

I'll be 16 weeks pregnant with our second child on Sunday, i found out about the affairs a few weeks after finding out i was pregnant. We had been actively trying to get pregnant for a few months.

I also hate my WH sometimes


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
powerthroughpain
♂ New Member
Member # 39165
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He would have cheated on anyone. The affair is not about you. Your husband is sick in the head and you can't fix him. He has to do all of the work, put himself in IC, and fight for you. Cheaters are emotionally immature, and affairs are like tantrums. When they can't cope with things like adults, they run to the nearest mommy or daddy to make them feel better for a while. They are children, your only mistake was choosing him. Now you have to decide what standard of care you deserve, and if he can't meet that, get the hell out.


14 years together 1 dd 3 yold
5 years married
WW dday 4/23/13 8 month ea/pa
WW in ic
Separated
No contact finally 6/3/13
Not working on r
Filing for d

Posts: 29 | Registered: May 2013 | From: powerthroughpain
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie I think you should find yourself a really good IC who specializes in infidelity. You really need to talk this out with a professional and learn coping skills to deal with your hurt and anger.

Every negative thought you have is very real and you are entitled to feel them, coping with them is something all together different.

Your plate isn't only full - it's overflowing...


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Topic Posts: 4

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