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Newest Member: Greg (45364)

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User Topic: Accepting gifts, tokens, or general niceties
IAmPsycho
♀ Member
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before DDAY, I always told me WH, " don't bring me flowers, don't waste the money". I was never into expensive jewelry or material things.

But now, I realize that I would feel so sad if he had given the OW flowers, rings, or things that meant something to him.

I also heard a topic recently about how a person feels love feelings toward someone when they do something nice for them, or pick out a gift, or plan something for the other person. I guess because you have to think of that persons desires and how to please them, and in return, it makes the planner feel love feelings too. I don't think I'm explaining it very well.

Now, I want flowers ( expensive ones) and jewelry, and cards, and perfume, and lingerie, and anything else he may have thought about buying the OW. I WANT those things because I sure don't want him giving those things to someone else.


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want flowers too. Like you, I used to think it was a waste. But, he used to send them to me a lot early on. The last flowers he sent came the day after he slept with his last OW. I was on to him and he was lying through his teeth about what was going on. He sent them as a peace offering. They were beautiful - even after they dried. I burnt the whole dried arrangement after DDay. I've wished ever since that he would send me some to make flowers feel good again. I even told him as much. Still no flowers.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jan 2013
IAmPsycho
♀ Member
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, I think it's the worst when you ask them to do something and they don't even attempt it.

The MC asked me what would make me feel love? I said a card in the mail. So, the MC told my WH to go buy a bunch of cards, sign them, address them, stamp them, and then every time he passed a post office, mail one to me. How easy is that? I never got one card!

But, he stood outside in a blizzard to talk to OW on a pay phone. She was worth it.


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know. You should have those gifts- no one else.
My WH gave away everything, in effect, when he brought OW into his hotel room- fidelity, security, my feeling special, our family, his vows. So she got everything possible since I'm left with nothing.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Topic Posts: 4

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