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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: From a distance
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R is a tough road, and sometimes we need a positive message to help carry us along on the journey. I thought I might share one of mine on this day.

Fwh and I have been living separately for just about 3 years. It was for work/school situation (not A related) and he is overseas at the moment. It has been challenging to say the least. We are coming up on some difficult dates in the next few days.
I was a bit surprised at this text, as I have been too busy to even remember the date. He rarely brings up the A topic on his own, even though he will open up about it when I bring it up. It may appear shallow and without much substance, but I know that it wasn't something he was able to do easily.

I think that you are pretty and I love you. I know we are hitting some painful dates for our marriage, and I want you to know that you are the love of my life and I want nothing else but to see you soon and look into your eyes to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you! (insert hearts and other emoticons)

It will be 4 years soon.

I never thought I could manage that kind of pain this long. But it lessened with time, as I grew stronger and worked my way through the hurt. None of it easy or erased. But I do know that he has had to put aside his own discomfort to acknowledge that horrible past and maybe even risk opening up an emotional flood from me.
I don't find the reminder painful. In fact I felt relief and sense of connection. And I knew he wanted to let me know, that he hasn't forgotten or minimized the pain his actions have caused.

Then a few hours later, we had a disagreement about something entirely non A related. That felt.....well.....normal.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yay!


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3627 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Undone1
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Happy  Posted: 9:12 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AHHHHH That is a very sweet text!


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to say I hope that you can live together as soon as possible.

The emotional connection is wonderful, but it's especially nice to be able to reach out and find your partner right next to you.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10167 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm very happy that you and your H are doing well.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37755 | Registered: Sep 2007
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you both!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
refuz2bavictim
♀ Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all very much. I appreciate the time that each one of you took to respond.

I meant to post an update to that text, but had a rather busy morning and could only find small bits of time to focus on much of anything. All NON A related!!! Which we all know is a blessing to be consumed by mundane life events!

FWH sent an email to me, elaborating on his text.
I won't post it as I feel it he wanted to have everyone read it, he would have posted it himself. I will allow him to share what he feels he wants to share with everyone.

I can tell you what he did do in this email. He didn't skim the surface or take a shallow approach.

1. He owned his *shit* and made NO excuses.
2. Acknowledged my pain without minimizing.
3. Apologized again without conditions, "buts" or justifications.
4. Focused/recognized the steps he has taken to improve himself.
5. Focused on what he would like to see in the future.

And....for the piece de resistance....... He totally screwed up the date!

BEST DAY EVER!

Nothing about that Affair was so mind blowing that he can recall the correct date. This coming from the man who remembers every single date to every single important event in his life. He never forgets the date of a marriage, death or birth....but his A with the woman who he "loved"....ummmm he muffed that date up.

This puts it all in perspective.

You see this A culminated into sex....and that mind blowing moment happened 4 years ago TOMORROW! Not today.

It's been on his mind for 3 days...with the time change and all. He wanted to make certain he addressed this painful date!

I'd say that pretty much sums it up! Affairs are the stuff unicorns, fairies and snipes are made of.


BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 7

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